oh god, where do i begin. I guess i will make this short and sweet. been addicted to opiates (percs and vicodin) for 13 years off and on. Managed to have a relatively normal life which in hind site is freaking amazing. anyway, my dad passed in 2008 and I decided to get engaged and get off the pills. went on suboxone for about 4 months, paying out of pocket, it was killing me financially. Decided to go cold turkey off the suboxone, had no idea the withdrawel would be worse off suboxone than it was ever on opiates. I got through it, all by myself, never told a soul. made it 2 years sober. in 2010 i had a slip and felt fine the next day. week went by, tried it again, felt fine next day again. that was the last time i was off until last week. My wife and I are trying to have a baby (IVF) and i decided i dont want to bring a life into this world while screwed up on opiates. so i tried to go cold turkey last week, didnt have enough percs to taper off correctly, made it 48 hours and had to get back on to level out. went 3 days tapering a little better this time, and now I am again at 48 hours but feel much better physically. The main issue for me is the anxiety is TERRIBLE. I feel like I am going to freak out. I had a few xanex for the first day, barely made a dent. now i am out of everything and want to peel the skin off my face. I guess I am asking for advice and maybe a little kick in the ass to stay the course and not go "fix" the problem again. I want to do this......i think........