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There is no advice that can be be safely given and telling a person it is best to "walk away" could be putting them in danger. I am not sure what this is that she suffers from but I knew I was taking on something difficult when after just a few weeks my partner had her first big episode.

I did not take it so seriously at first and handled it well. She was seeing blood running down the walls she told me, then it got worse. Over the past few years I have found triggers and situations that set her off on a trip into her nightmare world. It feels to me like she experiences a detour into a cul-de-sac in her brain and cannot find the exit back to her self. in this place is her crazy violent self destructive personality. She sustains a lot of physical damage, head injuries and bruising mainly. Some cuts to her arms and hands too.

She loses money and smashes the house up. We do not have furniture now as it has been smashed so many times and it more of a danger to have around that to keep the place empty. She fights and is extremely violent and it is not controllable.
She can not be held with handcuffs and can slip them. She tells me afterwards that she is frightened but will not talk about it and if pressed another she will start to revert into a frame of mind that could trigger the episode to restart.

The police have been involved many times and I have spent nights in the cells and awaiting charges only for them to be dropped when she comes to her senses. Our standard of living is halved and her son who is eight years old loves her but lives in fear. I have had flesh torn from me with her teeth and knives cut into me and thrown, but I don't think she will kill me.

She can be that way for twenty or more hours without a break and for weeks with just one period of nearly normal. Alcohol even in the smallest amount will trigger an episode that will last for days and leave her very ill. She does this even though she knows the effect and will swear never again and then just moments later turn and become a different being. Just a single bad thought will trigger it off.

I must subdue her and try hold her down to stop her from self harm and to defend myself from her attacks. When I do this I risk being blamed for any damage she inflicts on herself. I risk hurting her unintentionally and I risk hurting myself, I have had my fingers broken while using my hands to stop her head smashing into the floor as she tries to bang her head very hard onto the tiled floor. She has bitten the top off my thumb and pieces out of my chest. When other people see it happen they are so scared they leave never to return or leave and call the police. The police either arrest me or make matters worse by trying to handcuff her, she fights back and they eventually give up and leave. She broke every window in the house recently, thirty eight windows and was bleeding from the deep cuts to her hands and head.

She suffers from a jealousy that is so strange and fictional that it is confusing to know where her mind is taking her. her thoughts are in the realms of the impossible. She can wake up and think that her dreams are real and her nightmare continues. I am constantly accused of wanting another woman and when we are out very bizarre thoughts will enter her mind and she will start to enter her bad place. Even a mannequin in a shop window will to her be the focus of my desire or a woman she sees, she will point her out to me and ask me if I want her, she will then shout at her and find things to damage. pushing tables over and making a scene.

At times she will appear as if she is drunk or on drugs and lose her ability to form sentences or speak grammatically correct English or break into her fist language and use language that is antisocial. She loses all sense of awareness of others around her. She becomes confused and uncontrollable. very rarely we can go a month without a big problem and sometimes it is dangerous for a few months. most last 20 to 30 hours when at the worst.

These situations can stop as suddenly as they start but always leave her drained and exhausted. I am left in shock and we take days to recover. Any advice is pointless, there is no help out there that I can find and there is no-one who can understand or see it as I do. This beautiful person is not bad but suffering more than anyone should suffer and there is no help available where we live. I know I have to deal with it as I can not walk away. I can not abandon her.

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Sounds like you need a divorce big guy. Take the kid.
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He stands true to what a man should be and is suspose to be. Not some flake off that will leave when worse actually does come! Hang in there! You will be happy.
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I'm curious to know how things r a year later. Its been over a year since ur post. I was very much like her a few years ago. Violent but more violent with myself. Just very similar to how u describe her episodes. I was eventually diagnosed with being bi-polar after years of these episodes. Even after diagnosis it took a couple years to get meds just right. I'm finally on a mixture that has helped me regain control of my life. As bad as it is for u, remember it's just as bad if not worse for her. Like I said it's been a year and a lot can happen in a year especially in her condition, I hope she found some help and is doin well. If there is anything I can help with let me know.
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