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I find everything boring and unexciting. It seems that I have always been depressed throughout my childhood because I have been through a lot. My mom was suicidal as I grew up and I had a lot of support from my other family members (aunt, grandparents, etc, she was an alcoholic and used to tell me she would kill herself when she was drunk, I almost drowned at a pool party when I was 7 or 8, my brother died when I was 13 and he was 29, I was jumped by a bunch of guys a few years ago with my friend which caused PTSD, I was bullied all through elementary and some of high school because I was overweight and didn't have many friends, then, when I was 19 I had my panic attack after smoking weed which triggered severe depersonalization/anxiety. I have many friends now and I have been working out for a few years and am now getting pretty fit but lately it seems to be getting worse. I find that I have no interest in most things except eating and lifting weights. It seems to be worse ever since my panic attack after smoking weed a couple years ago which caused severe anxiety/depersonalization. The DP has pretty much gone away and the anxiety doesn't really affect me anymore and I have quit smoking but nothing I do seems to excite me anymore. I always feel lonely and I find it hard to be alone so I always ask people to hang out. Once I start hanging out with people I don't know what to do and feel very bored unless I drink beer or eat food. I like to eat very healthy though so I barely drink now. I would like to feel happier but I find it hard. I've always beaten up on myself throughout school and in my life and said I wasn't good enough but I've tried to recently think positive. I am in university but I guess that doesn't really prove anything. Also, I am almost 21 years of age, and I am majoring in political science pre-law. I've even considered trying a psychedelic drug or something to see if I view things differently but I was one to never touch drugs besides marijuana and alcohol, so I don't know if that's a good idea. I just have a hopeless feeling that I will never feel better about myself. Sorry for the long paragraph.



what you described feeling now, and given your history, I'd definitely say you should at least try to talk to counselor or a psychologist. Losing interest and motivation, or pretty much feeling that you do most things just because you're supposed to, not because you want to do them, is one of the most important things that characterize depression. And when it comes to LSD or similar hallucinogens, there is a very big chance that you'll get even worse reaction than depersonalization from marijuana. Hallucinogens themselves, by definition, cause derealitazion (the world seems completely different) and to some extent depersonalization (you see yourself as if you were looking at completely separate person). So, in your situation, definitely not only bad idea because illegal drugs, but bad idea because you might feel mental consequences far worse than the ones you do now,

wish you all the best,