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Hi, I'm sixteen and I used to be a pretty big smoker. Started around freshman year, and smoking became a weekend ritual with me and my friends. Marijuana was wonderful. I felt free and giggly. Today, I can't get near the stuff. The very smell of it, brings me into this reminds me of the nightmarish perspective. When I would get high I would have these horrible delusions about myself: that i'm somehow inferior to everyone else, and that i've been this way my whole life but everyone is keeping it secret from me for some reason. Even when I'm sober, usually when I'm not in the best mood these delusions (if you that's what they are) come up, and I know they're not real but they really get me down. My grandfather was schizophrenic and the whole idea of going crazy is ruining my life. I'm not afraid of the world ending, or have any big delusions like that. I've just been going through a lot of anxiety and depression about this whole thing and I know that I should just forget about it but it's something that's hard to stop thinking about. When I'm happy, it's really easy to ignore this whole ordeal, but it easily overcomes me when I'm down. Please, help. Thanks.

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I'm no expert on these things but from personal experience I find that marijuana simply enhances or unearths emotional issues that are already inside you. I think you just need to take up meditation or something that can help you find peace within yourself, do something to make you feel good about yourself and ignore all those paranoid thoughts. The tricky thing about weed is that it can appear that it's messing with your head but it's just amplifying what is already on your mind, if you think negative thoughts or start to worry while you're high it will make you freak out. But then again pot isn't for everyone so if you don't think you should do it that's fine too.
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"My grandfather was schizophrenic"

^ This is enough information for me to tell you, yes, STAY OFF THE GRASS!

Most of the things that you describe are common effects of MJ on the brain. Your inner thoughts are much more intimate (not sexually) and can/will cause anxiety, paranoia, or panic which are they feelings (to a degree) that you are experiencing now. Considering your family history (your grandfather was/is likely not the only one in your family with this condition) your chances of developing psycosis/chronic anxiety/panic attacks and general paranoia are much greater than the next guys. These negative feelings open the door for depression which then sort of invite thoughts of doomsday scenarios, etc. Once you get to that point, and considering your family history, your are playing with fire. Stop.

Someone said "pot isn't for everyone" - That is very true.
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Yeah, I dont think I'll smoke anymore. Can depression really lead into something as serious as schizophrenia? Because I've been depressed and anxious for awhile, mostly because of a new school but the thought of going crazy is definitely a major component in my unhappiness. Ever since I learned of my grandfather's illness I've had this kind of obsessive fear of becoming schizo. I know I probably sound pretty pathetic here, but the uncertainty around it all is very real and I'm not sure what to think of it all. I've tried a lot of things... I don't know. %-)
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Depression can/will indirectly lead to a long list of ailments and diseases in the long run. But don't get caught up in the what if's of depression, because depression more often than not is a choice. A lot of people would disagree with that, but if we are being honest, depression is often the result of poor choices we have made. How we react to difficult situations is a choice. I chose to smoke weed for 13 years, and as a result it brought me down in almost every area of my life. It took a long time to fess up to myself that I chose to be depressed by continuing to toke up.

It's normal to get down when someone dies, or something bad happens, but you must chose to deal with it in a healthy way. You must know that it is easy to get caught in a rutt, and so you have to do what is hard and force yourself to be and do postive things that will distract you. Force yourself to smile for no reason. Listen to good music. Eat good food. Exercise is probably what saved me.

I'm with you, man... I was in a rutt, depressed, paranoid, anxious, my mind went crazy with doomsday what-if's... I constantly was worried about my health, and like you, for good reason. I finally sort of stepped out of my body and looked at myself - took inventory of my life. It hit me that asside from the negative inner-thoughts, pot had negatively affected my career, finances, marriage, sex life, friendships, family, self respect, confidence, appearance, verbal and cognitive function, etc. So I dragged my hacking stoner ass to a gym kicking and screaming the whole way, and as gay as it sounds, started to attend a spinning (indoor cycling) class. Ever since then (and after quiting smoking cigs as well) I have been on top of the world. Getting fit kick started a long list of good choices like eating right, jump starting old friendships, working on the marriage, etc. My entire life changed.

I feel like I saved my own life. Not everyone has the chance to reach that point by themself, though, and never be too proud to ask for help. If you think you are crazy and stuck then you are and you are. If you think that you are normal and making better choices then you are and you will. There will be no reason to continually worry about developing schiz, or any other health problem if you are doing all that you can that is proven to counter such things... Like keeping off psycoactive drugs, and being physically fit. The hardest part is just doing it. If you havent already, you will reach a point where you are just fed up, and it will then be easier to make the necessary changes. It took several attempts for me to follow through and stick with it.

Also, get a physical that includes blood work tests for your vitamin B and vitamin D. Vitamin B is necessary for energy production and metabolism. Vitamin D is necessary help prevent a long list of diseases, including depression, and is also vital to testosterone production. Testosterone is what gives you drive and confidence in general. It is a well being vitamin (actually it's a hormone/steroid once it gets processed by your liver.) Vitamin D is crucial for healthy brain activity (the sunshine drug). It's not surprising that 3/4 of the entire world population north of the equator is defficient with it. If you havent had one in a long time, a physical can really clear your mind of paranoid thoughts of health related problems that may or may not be going on. For someone like yourself, 9 times out of 10, it's all in your head (so to speak?)

Sorry for the rant, and pick up a damn shovel and dig your ass out before it's too late!

One more thing- To make these changes you may have to force yourself to find new friends who arent going to cause you to want to make bad choices. This can be the hardest part of it all, but it is necessary. Be selfish, this is your life.
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And if this is any added help... It sounds bad, but a dude who portrays himself as confident, healthy, and basically on the right track in life - and he sort of shows it in the way that he walks/talks/sleeps, chicks totally dig it. They'll be dropping at your feet. Even if you do have snaggly teeth ;-)

Idk how old you are, but at a certain point, as early as high school, chicks are looking at dudes and assessing what kind of a life partner they will be. It's in a female's DNA to to seek a man who shows signs of good health and prosperity. Not many chicks want to be with a poorly groomed, red-eyed, stoner with no confidence. Not that thats what you are, but thats who I was and you don't want that.
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Oh sorry I see that you are 16... Well... Get it on.
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Hey man!
I just wanted to say, you have the exact same problem i have. Whenever i smoke weed with friends or other people, I always get strange thoughts like i should not do it or like these people are judging me and making fun of me, and also that I am inferior to them and all.
I came up with a solution to smoke alone which was a very wise decision as i did not had those thoughts anymore. But I am still curious as to why do we experience MJ like this?
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Mate that is the greatest bit of advice ive seen. Good luck to u sir!
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Stop using. You need to see a competent psychiatrist, be admitted for treatment to remedy the damage cannabis does to the brain. Google and read the reports. Look at the clips of what marijuana, weed, pot, call it what you like, does to your brain. Cannabis hides a dangerous, ugly nature behind that happy feeling and giggly smile.

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What proactive decision making and decisive action! My hat off to you, sir!
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I have no idea what this website is nor have i ever been on it, but im 18 and i have experienced literally the exact thing you have. My heart literally skipped a beat when i read your post as i thought i was the only person going through this. dont know if you still read this thread but if you do just wanna say youre not alone

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i think, and this is just a theory, either your weed got laced with something, or your going through depression, in which case you'll wanna see a counselor/therapist
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I literally had the same thing too last week...reading this was really creepy to just realise I wasn’t the only one that had had that thought before.
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