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i dont even know where to begin really. ..im a male and now recently 18 years old though i dont even remotely feel like it...i feel like im just beginning middle school. theres nothing in my life that i feel makes me a senior high school student except for the fact i look down on the classes below me..

-i've never had a girlfriend
-i've kissed a girl once. and it was only because i felt bad for her. pathetic and i regret the f**k out of it.
-obviosly never had sex..../lame/...and its not like im going to turn it down

im not f*****g gay ok but honestly..i went wrong somewhere. and its not like im the school freak that when a girl talks to him, he goes home and masturbates to her cause he never talks to girls..yes every school has one......but no,..i feel im above average not popular but ya know, liked and accepted...aka normal

anyways..
...ive liked my best friends sister for as long as i can remember...like, really liked...why do u think i labeled this as, 'everything else i cant tell anybody'?..were both 18 and his sister is 16. and i cant even describe to you how beautifull she is..and its not just that..everything about her. if i had to dream up the most perfect girl..she would be it...its her imperfections that make her beautifull..i would give everything just to be able to love her. make her smile...she IS all i'll ever think about. im sure everybody reading this knows EXACTLY what im talking about. exactly. and everytime i think about it i get in this really crappy 'pitty party' mood..the more i think about it, the more depressed i get. i used to get extremely nervous whenever the thought of her or her name came up. stuttering over words whenever shes around. always being paranoid just over that. of course that was a few years ago,..now im pretty calm but i still cant bring myself to talk to her....getting sick to my stomach when i see her dating other guys. and then to watch those exact same guys treat her like c**p and like she means nothing to them now..it breaks my heart. i could never begin to force myself into doing that....how?..Why?

lol neways...
..so i never ever talk to her. ever. me and my friend are pretty close but when it comes to her..ya no...and if you still dont relize shes younger than me..she's also very shy and has a very quiet voice. she so different than any other girl i know really i could go on and on..i see her sitting by herself sometimes or just in a generally upset mood...it crushes me..given the chance i would never let her feel that way..her personality, the way she walks, the way she Laughs...The way she Smiles...

..to her if she knew i liked her she proabably be extremly creeped out. honestly...thats what scares me..i dont care what anybody else thinks about me liking her, i care about what she thinks of me liking her. and oh wait...last time i checked, thats pretty important...

..actually i think she does know. f**k me in the ass. now im really a creeper..yay.....not.

i dont know what it feels like to be loved. i dont know what it feels like to be missed. thats all i want..

bye the way, her names amanda

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sorry this is late 
but tell her how you feel and try saying it slowly and calm not too fast  because she'll get freaked out 
i know how you feel my bff's brother is so fit but is way older than me and already has a gf
tell her when she alone and single and gloomy and try and be confident gud luk ;D
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