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Hello, I am new here but am in desperate need of some insight!

Anyway I am 24 and I am newly married with a 14 week old baby girl (3 months) anyway, we have recently learned that I am 3 weeks pregnant! Now I know I am going to sound like a horrible person for considering aborting this pregnancy BUT i hope i will get not only some support but also ofcourse blunt advice.

Here are my feelings for uncertainty!

Soooo I hada high risk 1st pregnancy, blood pressure etc... a c-section with my daughter and my scar and stomach still hurt quite a bit, even while getting dressed. i am also worried about what i might be putting my body through... 2 pregnancys so close and 2 c-sections within 1 year! my new baby would be due 1 month before my 1st child turns 1 yr, and let's just say I am terrified of raising 2 under 1yr! they would be 11 months apart! I know these are all excuses but at this point we don't own a home, we live with my father (mother passed in the summer) and I feel like we will never get out of here. we live cheque to cheque as we are struggling to pay off debt before someday buying a house. we will have to buy a bigger car and my husband will probably have to get a part time job in addition to the 10hr days he puts in at work, especially since i probably won't get maternity leave for the second year since i am not working this year.

i realize this was our mistake! and this baby shouldn't have to pay for it... but heck i gave birth late october i got 1 period in december then bam i was pregnant in januray! i had no idea it would happen so fast and heck we have only had sex i think 3 times and i literally had an appointment with the birth control clinic on Monday!

so there is the part of me that is feeling ok let's abort and life will go back to normal... i can focus on our daughter and give her the parental time she needs! i can give my body the time to recoperate and we can live life as a family of 3. we do want more children but are not financially ready 1 bit! and i am terrified of what my body might go through since my 1st pregnancy was already a high risk one! my husband feels we should abort the pregnancy but does support it either way. i also can't help it wonder what a strain it will put on us and our new marriage. he will be supporting 3 people! and we will be at my father's for atleast another 2 years maybe more if we have this baby! i worry we won't be able to afford anything in life much less provide properly for this second child.

with all that said there is the other part of me who worries it may be the son to complete our family. i worry i will regreat this choice as i grew up catholic and believing abortion is murder! now here i am making that decision. i think about our kids i also worry later in life when we are in a house of our own and want a family we might not be able to get pregnant and i will blame myself. i also worry i might resent my husband for opting for the abortion... however he could end up resenting me if we decide to keep it. i mean he feels that he's 30yrs old and his 24yr old friends have homes n we will never get there. but again i often think about the kicking and the first few smiles and all those things also.

at this point my husband supports which ever road we choose but i know he leaning towards aborting. and yesterday all i could think of was having this baby! and toughing it out... we made it so we take care of it .... then today all day long all i could think of is what mught happen to me or this baby (low birth weight etc... my doc said there are lots of positives and negatives) so all i could think of was aborting and enjoying my baby right now. all i could think all day long was its ok... i'm not the 1st and yes i may regret it in the first little while but i am doing what is best for my family at this point...

other times i feel are we taking the easy way out???

i don't know what to do! my doc says most women feel relieved afterwards but some feel regret....

any advice good or bad i guess would be appreciated... i would love to hear from women who have had an abortion and your feelings afterward... did you already have children?

thanks so much!

i hope women won't bite my head off.... i realize i am not a 15yr old pregnant girl who would be kicked out if she had a baby. yes i am 24 and married and i have ababy already but not every case is black and white and being in this position shows me that clearly! if you feel abortion is wrong fine tell me you have the right to say it but in other forums people were telling me religion is BS and if i was going to raise my kids catholic i should abort! please keep opinions like that to yourself!

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hello,

just wanted to add that today my doc had us do a dating ultrasound so they can see how far along we were in case we wanted to abort. anyway at first she's like oh i think your body might be playing tricks on you bc i don't see anything at all... so my husband and i jumped for joy! you should have heard me i was calling her my saviour. then she was like well wait a minute let's do a vaginal to be sure ok . and the sonographer could not see an egg, she saw the sac and the computer could not give an estimated weeks number because it was so soon... she thinks we are just over 3 weeks but no more than 4 for sure.

so my hubby's logic was that we both got super excited that we weren't pregnant and wouldn't have to make this decision so he feels deep down inside we both have made the decision... perhaps he's right i don't know.
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You are reaching out for insight. It is very understandable that your emotions are all over the place with this kind of surprise. You've expressed well the different thoughts running through your mind~ pro and con stuff. If you are pregnant, it makes the most sense to summon up your courage to let your child live in spite of the difficulties or fears you are experiencing right now. It is your choice to make of course, but if the child had a vote, he/she would probably like to remain protected, instead of rejected because of financial fears or being too close in age to baby sister.
My sister had 2 children just under a year apart which was a surprise also. I never asked her, but she probably was incredulous when she found out. I don't think she had a period in between. My nieces are adults now and are glad to have each other and be close sisters. They were built in playmates for each other growing up. Three other couples in their 20s who have similarly spaced children come to mind. Would you like to hear from someone else who has gone through what you are right now and ask them some honest questions?
Your youngest child is in a precarious situation, isn't it, when their life depends entirely on a decision you make? You could leave it up to God to be both maker and taker of life. If you didn't intend to make this particular life, did he? or did he make a mistake? You mentioned growing up catholic. Do you have a relationship with God, or faith in him at this point in your life? If you do, he wants you to give the burden of all the fears and worries you have to him because he cares about you. That's what he says in 1 Peter 5:7 Whatever happens, think clearly about everyone involved, including the littlest one that you are almost unable to detect the existence of and don't have feelings for. Reality is, you are responsible, make sure you can live with your decision. We know deep down that we all had our beginning in the tiniest, most vulnerable stage of life, and abortion does cut off the natural continuum of a life that's not your own.
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Turns out I am indeed pregnant... about 3 weeks ... I had a dating ultrasound and the tech said she only saw the sac and not the egg and the machine didn't give her a read out which usually means 3 weeks ... maybe 4.

I know it makes the most sense to let it live.... for it's sake... but what about ours... i know WE made the mistake and my baby shouldn't pay for it but on the other hand i feel my 1st child is going to also pay for so much. loosing so much of our attention at just 1 year old! I know that financial fears are not a good reason, but really WE cannot provide for this child on our own and will have to live at home for atleast another 3-4 years is that really a burden I want to put on someone who is 63yrs old already.

The ultrasound tech told me she also had 2 within 1 year and was telling me it was hell at first yes and now her kids are best friends but wow I feel like we are never ever going to get on our feet... like when are we going to buy a house when we're 40!

Yes I would love to hear from those other couples in their 20's... and I do have some questions I would love to ask!

and yes I am a catholic and I do have a priest and I know they are not supposed to judge but I just can't tell him! I can't bring myself to do it.... I will feel like such a failure as a Catholic... I can only hope God will forgive me if we decide not to carry this child to term.
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Y didn't you use protection?
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God has already forgiven you. God allows you to forgive yourself. God loves you and wants you to love yourself.
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