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Hi guys I thought that I would add my message here as reading all the posts has really helped with my decision and the aftermath too. First of all I never thought I would find myself in this situation, and if I did I personally thought that I didn't agree with abortion, but here I am. Just goes to show that you never know how you are going to react to a situation until you're in it yourself. Basically, I'm just turned 24, have been on the pill since 15 with no issues or scares before. I broke up with my long term boyfriend and decided to come off the pill for a while as my sister had done the same and her periods didn't return an she had discovered she had fertility problems. After a very drunken night I had unprotected sex with a boy I know and then took the morning after pill and didnt really think much of it. For the next 8 weeks I had nausea, very sore breasts and extremely low moods, but I also had a very heavy period so assumed my hormones were messed up from the morning after pill. After a heavy weekend partying I felt incredibly ill and found it unusual so took a pregnancy test to put my mind at rest. I was gobsmacked when it said positive. I could not BELIEVE that the first time in my whole life that I had sex unprotected, I fell pregnant. The next 3 days were the worst of my life, I lost 8lbs in weight, cried constantly and hated myself. I thought that I didn't believe in abortion but the thought of bringing an unwanted baby into the world tortured me- I couldn't trust the dad to care for it and I couldn't trust myself to be a good mother. Added to this was the fact that my sister is now desperately trying for a baby and I was contemplating aborting mine. I was lucky enough to be referred to a private clinic by my GP where I had a phone consultation followed by a scan which was devastating. They don't let you look at the screen but the nurse confirmed that the foetus was too large for a medical abortion so I would have to have a surgical one. I cried the whole way home, it seemed to be like my world was ending. The next morning I went for my abortion early in the morning. I must say here that although I was more than devastated, at no point did I consider keeping the baby. The abortion itself was distressing I won't lie. I was told to wrap a surgical sarong around my waist, remove my underwear and wait in a cubicle behind a curtain where I waited for 30 minutes crying and asking the baby to forgive me and telling me that I wasnt ready to be its mum. A nurse came to get me, led me to a surgery room and introduced me to the surgeon. They then put me on the bed, put my legs in strirrups and injected me. I fell asleep instantly. When I woke up I was in a recovery bed in a room with several other girls, they were chatting away and sounded positive. As I woke up all I felt was peace, relief and the feeling that I had done the right thing. I had a drink and was giving a biscuit by the lovely nurses then asked if I could leave. They made me sign an early discharge form as I wasn't supposed to go but I just wanted to get home. I was given anti biotics to prevent infection and I left. It wa all over in an hour and a half. My mum drove me home and I slept for the rest of the day. That was 3 days ago and I have had minimal bleeding, no pain and most distressingly - no guilt. I feel terrible that I don't feel worse. I feel regretful that I was so stupid to have unprotected sex and get pregnant, I don't regret what I have done. I have woken up every day feeling like I have been given a second chance and that this was a wake up call, I feel like it has changed my life an that I will never ever waste my life now.

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The exact same thing happened to me! The exact same way! I don't feel guilty. I don't think you should feel bad for it. If you're not ready to take care of a baby then you're just not ready. You made a tough decision but it had to be made. I hope you still feel the same way!

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Hello Lolly and Needlesstosay...

I am in a similar boat here...

My abortion (surgical) was done a year ago in 3 days.  I cried like crazy when I first found out, and when I told my loving boyfriend of 2 years (now 3!) the next morning.  We knew what we wanted to do, and it was backed up by the fact that I had lost my job just weeks before conception and was going to take a while to get on my feet (and no health insurance, to boot!).

I had very little guilt because I knew that we couldn't care for a child like it would deserve... and we both have always said we did NOT want ANY CHILDREN (ever).  I only had a few pangs of sadness and guilt as I threw my best friends baby shower only two weeks after my procedure.

 

Here we are, one year later.  We are back on our feet, financially settled, and I have my dream job....  which does not really allow for children.....   I am a horse trainer.  Working twenty some horses a day, and giving lessons, traveling to shows, none of it allows for a baby.  And my boyfriend is much older than I am, and believe that his window has closed for parenthood. 

I am now having extremely vivid dreams of pregnancy.. some are labor dreams, some are shopping for clothes (boy clothes, usually).  The other night was the worst one.  I felt "HIM" kick.  A big kick.. (this is a dream, still!).  I walked around and asked my friends if they wanted to feel our boy kick.  I woke up in a complete panic and sweat. 

 

Do I want to have a child?  Some times I believe that I really do.  We honestly live in a pretty "eff'd up" world these days and I don't know that I'd want to bring more life into it.. but.. my family is very small.  My parents are much older than average, and I only have one sibling.  My boyfriend is much older than I am, and I have a fear of being old and alone.  I know that I shouldn't want to have a baby so that it could take care of ME when I am old.... but it's almost now or never. (well, in the next year or two anyways) but now I am just starting to break into the horse industry at full throttle - I don't want to mess that up!

 

I came clean about my dreams and emotions to my very supportive boyfriend - who asked "Is it the pregnancy you want? Or is it a CHILD you want?"  good question, honey!!!

I believe it is the pregnancy I yearn for.  Nurturing a baby to life.  Should we consider surrogacy? We are very big supporters of LBGT couples and that good people should be able to have good families no matter their sexual orientation.  Is this something that I could look into?  Finding a couple that cannot  have a child of their own so that I can grow one for them?  Or will this make my urge for a CHILD (for myself) even stronger?

I just love my boyfriend so much, we are planning to get married very soon..... is it just that I love him SO much that I would love to see what our baby might look like?  Is it just because I am 25 and my biological clock is thinking "HEY YOU.... you should be pregnant by now!!" 

 

What is it?!!??

 

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I completely understand. The whole "you should be pregnant by now!!" thing is what is keeping me from walking to the clinic right now. I thought I wanted a baby, but now that I am pregnant, I'm not sure it's what I truly want, or if it's what my friends, family and co-workers want. How did you cope with the abortion? I'm nervous that it'll be hard to 'come back' after the procedure.

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Hey guys I'm the girl who initially poste this post. Here I am almost 4 months later. I would be having my baby shortly and have been having dreams and yearningsfor my baby but I still feel I made the right decision. The lack of guilt I mentioned in my first post didn't last, it hit me a month after my abortion and has only just started to ease, I cried myself to sleep most nights and felt SO much guilt and regret. I know now I wil live with this for the rest of my life and it hurts seeing friends falling pregnant and being in a different situation to me and keeping their baby. I hope to rectify this situation one day by being an amazing mum and hopefully also adopting so I can give an unwanted child a happy life.
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The lesson is you can't extinguish life because of your bad decision and not feel guilt because you are guilty. You aren't a horrible person but you made a horrible decision.

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I'm so sorry you're feeling guilty. Often, as women, we're trained to feel guilty when we do something we know is right for ourselves. And you do know it was right. If it makes any difference, there's no brain stem activity until 6 months. When you look at your friends who you say are in a better situation to have a baby, it's a sharp contrast to what your situation would have been, yes? You wouldn't have been happy, you would have been stressed. It's not a good thing for a fetus to gestate inside a body flooded with stress hormones, like cortisol. It's even possible that you could wind up with a special needs baby due to intense stress during the pregnancy. You might even have lost the pregnancy later on for the same reason, or even damaged your own health. Every baby deserves to be brought into this world wanted and being able to be provided for. You made the mature decision. You should be proud of your strength, not beating yourself up. Be a good Aunt to your friend's babies, work on making yourself financially secure. Your life isn't defined by whether you push out babies, find something you like to do, something that makes you happy. Do this so that when the times comes and you're in the right place to have a child, you'll be ready and your child will have the best start in life. Good luck! I also had an abortion. Apparently you can get pregnant during the days of your pill cycle when you're off the pill so you can have your period! It was with a summer romance, not a lasting relationship. No way in the world would I have been in the position to be a mother. It's been decades, and I don't regret it, not one bit.
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I'm so sorry you're feeling guilty. Often, as women, we're trained to feel guilty when we do something we know is right for ourselves. And you do know it was right. If it makes any difference, there's no brain stem activity until 6 months. When you look at your friends who you say are in a better situation to have a baby, it's a sharp contrast to what your situation would have been, yes? You wouldn't have been happy, you would have been stressed. It's not a good thing for a fetus to gestate inside a body flooded with stress hormones, like cortisol. It's even possible that you could wind up with a special needs baby due to intense stress during the pregnancy. You might even have lost the pregnancy later on for the same reason, or even damaged your own health. Every baby deserves to be brought into this world wanted and being able to be provided for. You made the mature decision. You should be proud of your strength, not beating yourself up. Be a good Aunt to your friend's babies, work on making yourself financially secure. Your life isn't defined by whether you push out babies, find something you like to do, something that makes you happy. Do this so that when the times comes and you're in the right place to have a child, you'll be ready and your child will have the best start in life. Good luck! I also had an abortion. Apparently you can get pregnant during the days of your pill cycle when you're off the pill so you can have your period! It was with a summer romance, not a lasting relationship. No way in the world would I have been in the position to be a mother. It's been decades, and I don't regret it, not one bit.
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lol, omg...25 is still sooooo young. I wish I was 25 again. I was like you, didn't care much for kids, lived perfectly content on my own with all the freedom I could want. Well, low and behold in my mid-30s I became pregnant and kept it. I have a young daughter now. I have found motherhood to be more work than joy...just being honest. My child is the difficult kind, and I often long for my freedom, my sleep, my alone time...all the things I had pre-Mom. but...there again, now that she's here, and she's mine, I cannot really imagine not having had her. Point being, you are still very young, and your fertile twilight is still quite far on the horizon. Who knows how you will feel in 10 years. It definitely is not a now or never situation at age of 25 lol!!!
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This is a common course of events. No guilt at first, but a month or two later, it hits, and it's also very common for women to become pregnant during this time with a "make-up baby". Actually I have a friend that this very thing has happened to. She had a son at age 19, could not care properly for him due to untreated bipolar disorder, being immature, no resources, etc. So his father got custody and she's had visitation ever since. At age 28, her life was on track, she was getting the right meds, holding a job, attending college working toward her degree and had her own place to live. Then she got pregnant by an "oops" encounter, got an abortion done very early. I personally felt that was the best thing for her situation. Well, like you she was great afterwards, no guilt, felt strong in her choice. Then a couple months down the road, she was torn up with guilt, went into a horrible depression, couldn't stand it, kept having nightmares about it. I was not at all surprised when she announced on her facebook that she was pregnant. Now, she's had the baby girl, who is about a month old now. And things are very very tough for her. The dad split already, she's alone in the apartment with a fussy baby, and hasn't slept in a month, she's depressed again and her meds are all screwed up because she had to go off of them for the pregnancy. She's on public assistance, the college degree is on hold, and she had to give up her job because there is no one to care for the baby. She lost her car because she can't afford it anymore and has to rely on friends to get her and the baby to appointments. She loves her baby girl, but honestly, a make up baby is not the answer either. You feel you made the right choice, reconcile with it and move on. You got a lot of living to do, don't spend it in the past.

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Hi Lolly I know you wrote this a year ago, but I wanted to tell you that I had an abortion 21 years ago and I felt much like you did/do. I've since married and have two beautiful girls, but is still feel guilt over my abortion, even though I also know it was the right thing for me at the time.
Recently I began looking into life after death stuff (no, I'm not a New Age weirdo! Just looking for some alternative information that feels more 'true' to me than what the church teaches). I read that fetuses do not get their souls till just before they are born. I don't know why but this made me feel a bit better. I wish you all the best with your journey!
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