Fluctuating mental state, often unable to be myself or speak clearly

Hi Poppy123,
I've learned that it was when manic, hypomanic or in a mixed episode that I had trouble speaking, things just were not coming out the way I intended, either the volume I was speaking in or the words I was trying to get out were wrong and it was really disappointing that I couldn't express myself properly. The only communication problem I've ever had with a depressive mood is a complete lack of energy to communicate which is different from the lack of control in the manic state.
I too saw many councillors before diagnosis and it was my sixth psychologist who sent me for testing for Bipolar Disorder, it took ten years for someone to click as to what could be wrong. Bipolar is very baffling, at first you worry something's physically wrong, then worry you have some weird mental glitch... none of the Bipolar description online seemed right, it all didn't sound quite like me but that's because Bipolar can feel so very different from type to type, person to person. Bipolar is one of the most common mental illnesses, lots of people have it and if anyone even suspects it could be true they should get it checked out, because there's a surprisingly big chance it could very much be what you're suffering from.
I have ultra ultra rapid cycling, so I flip through moods all day, which is not very common so you might not feel exactly like me, but if there's a similarity at all, I'd say get it checked out! :)

Seriously, look up Candida, and Heavy metal poisoning man. That part where you mentioned you feel mentally dulled and confused sounds like you might be suffering from brain fog. Also when you said it got worse after sushi. Well, Candida eats white rice like a starving hyena eats fresh meat. And I don't know whether you had salmon with your sushi but fish contains a lot of mercury these days due to poisons and radiation infiltrating our seas. At least take a look. I know what it's like, it ruins your life. If the above suggestions don't seem to fit, keep looking. Because with research, you'd be surprised how many 'mental' problems are truly caused by something off balance physically. So far i haven't found one mental problem that hasn't been fixed by helping particular parts of ones body. (Doctors don't have a clue what they're doing. As you should quickly find out by research.) I would love to explain what candida is to you, and everything i know about it. But there's a lot to write and in my time zone it's incredibly late. I just happened on this thread and thought i had to say something. Also look up Colliodal Silver. It's been given a bad rap due to people not mixing it properly and actually turning it into a poison called silver salts. Which you're body can not get rid of. Therefore long term accumulation can turn your skin blue. Silver can naturally be found in rivers which have not been tainted by mans industrial waste. (incredibly rare these days.) So far i believe there is only one known river/stream with naturally accuring silver and that is used by the hunzas. Another name totally worth googling. Anyhow....REAL colliodal silver helped my Candida disappear when months and months of the strict diet did not. Candida or not everyone should take it.

Check your thyroid with a blood test !

Hi brian and everyone from Spain, I'm having the same issue since de 18 age. Now I'm 27 and I don't know how i'm going to stand this much time. I'm going to explain what I learned about it, which are my physical characteristics to compare and find similar things and symptoms. After 9 years I believe this kind of illness is so tough to know why happens, that find other people with the same problem is a relieve to believe in detect what's the matter, and find a solution. I would like that all of us commented our progresses, and argue about to find a solution.

Personal characteristics and rare issues,

-Despite I can eat a lot I'M ALWAYS THIN.
-I've very low libido, I PRODUCE VERY LITTLE SPERM for my age
-My ribcage is a little deformed
-I produce VERY LITTLE SPIT

My symptoms,
-Difficult to remember things, difficulty to concentrate
-Difficult to speak, my voice just disappear, is like I don't have strenght to speak, and if i try my voice sounds lowly and broken.

Causes that make my symptoms worst,

- In first place the sexuality. If I ejaculate as a normal person instantaneously I get worst and maybe I can be as before in two or three days.
- Carbohidrates or sugar get me worst, instantaneously I yawn so bad, my voice desapears and my brain just put off. The beer make me sleep and make me go down.
-If I do sport I finish without voice, brain off and yawming a lot.

Rare issues that change my condition:

1- In the first place. The CHOCOLATE returns my voice and my good condition almost at the moment.
2- The FAT like baicon works good too, and colesterol food momentanialy.
3- When i get drunk i get my normal voice.
4- The wine sometimes make me feel better with my voice and my circulation.

Finally a conclusion. I make a relation with some kind of chemical thing, hormonal maybe. And other with the circulation system. Maybe other day I will write other lines, but now I just got tired and I don't know exactly what i said. For sure i'm skiping something. My doctors exams discards Candida, diabetes, and problem with testorterone. I'would like contest and comment other comentarys but for now is enough. Still fighting!!

same problem :) but i must say u r a gr8 person :0

I am having the same problem . My confidence always hover from lowest to high.  Sometimes I feel shame for myself and I feel like killing myself  but it could not be the solution . most of the times I talk irrelevant,incorrect and too fast and  I become nervous and avoid to communicate with others. I don't  know if  I can conquer  on my disabilities.

Hi guys. Just to let u know my gp prescribed me venlafaxine 150mg daily which Is the generic version of effexor and I feel like myself again. I have not felt like myself for at least 12 years. Took about 10 weeks to feel any benefit. All in all, I'd say for me it was an anxiety issue. Obviously all of your vocal muscles need to be relaxed for everything to work as it should. Remember also to always speak from your heart and express yourself honestly. This includes displaying your energy levels honestly! So if your feeling tired, be tired in your interactions. Don't act in a way you THINK you SHOULD act. This being true to yourself will keep you centred and keep anxiety at bay.

I have the same problem. Mine is so bad that sometimes I can feel my mood change a dozen times within a few minutes. I have not been able to have a relationship, have lost all my friends because of it, and struggle to maintain a healthy attitue towards family members. I know exactly what you're going through and promise you, if you actually are serious that you are ok 20% of the time, man, I wish I was you, because I'm lost every waking moment. I have come to refer to the odd good moments that could last a few seconds, to hours but no more as "waves". its like a surfer hitting a nice wave. its feels great and you wish it wouldn't end, but it will eventually and its very temporary. fortunately for me, I come from a very very aggressive destructive household when growing up, fights, cops, yelling screaming, parents not giving a dam about what they're doing and how its affecting the children type of thing, so I know that's the cause. I wish you could pin point your cause, but I know that's mine. I found I'm alot better and get better when I can afford a counselor, but at the rates they charge, there is no way I could afford it. I mean I could, but it means spending one day's worth of income on one hour of counselling, and you need twice a week, which is only a couple of hours a week, but that means I'm left with very little to support myself. I need counselling to feel better to better myself to make more so I could afford it, but I can't do that cause the initial cost to get better to make more is not affordable if you know what I mean. its sucks to say the least, so I sit down and write which doesn't help much because when I write to vent, there is noone there to comfort a negative thought so I start writing suicidal thoughts and when that happens, I stop. there is no real cure for it. I don't know what to say. its sad cause people who know me wonder why I'm a different person at times, they look at me as if I'm quite weird, and it really hurts inside, watching couples walking and talking and holding hands and I can't have it and I tear up and try to control it in public. I could go on an on but it doesn't matter... there is nothing to do about it..sigh

The words may not become available in the right firing order, so they cant be assembled in the right order for delivery. The brain can be trained to assemble communication more quickly. You can walk around your house and comment, "the couch is brown," or other small statements, to bring the verbal communication system back online. The anxiety is making it worse. Small notepad to act as a prompter if theres something you need to be able to say. Can you identify what your brain is doing during the silent times? it might be interesting. It might be "enlightenment" or something.

i so can relate : ( this is a newish problem for me, i would say that it's been exasperated in the past year ... i really wish there was a name for this specific syndrome.

can you give us an update on your current situation? thank you!

I have the same thing. I can't concentrate anymore or pay the bills, I'm always in a hurry and I get nothing done, absolutely nothing. I can't make a complete sentence. I know a lot of stuff, I mean my brain is full of things I learned, but if somebody asks me a question or to explain something, I just immediately blurt out a ridiculous stupid line of words that have no meaning whatsoever to anything, then I stand there dumfounded thinking, "Did I just say that?" Then everybody looks at me like I'm on dope or something. I don't have to worry about talking like an id**t in social situations anymore because I led myself into isolation. I don't know if there's a way to defrag a brain, but if feels like that's what I need. And I'm permanently exhausted too. And I don't answer the phone, or my emails, or go see anybody. I'm waiting til I get better. But now I don't think that's going to ever happen. And I also have recently started seeing lights flashing at me like a camera flash then they disappear. I just saw one. I think somehtines they are zapping my brain.

Some similarities I've noticed; unhappiness with current condition, noticeable decline from previous memories, some sort of social frustration, declining memory/focus..just to name a few. I'm having very similar troubles myself. The anxiety is very noticeable now that I've recognized that it's there. For years I went into social isolation..Now that I'm picking myself up, wanting to re-engage in life, it has never seemed more awkward, and painful. Brian1503 began having his problem 3-4 years ago and posted here a year ago. An update would be so helpful for every one of us seeking some form of an answer. Talking about our similar problems is very helpful, but only seems to provide a very brief/temporary shelter. Answers are what we all need. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 3 weeks now and have not received a clear diagnosis. I am eagerly awaiting Thursday as hopefully they will be able to provide some answer for these symptoms. Any and all updates are much appreciated..I've seen two separate doctors, Thyroid, B-12, Vitamin D levels all normal. Currently awaiting a testosterone level check..Basically I'm headed for a second diagnosis of physically healthy. This is mental, everyone has different brain chemicals but we all seem to be experiencing a decline in our mental librarian and are more susceptible than "normal" folks. I'll keep whatever I find out posted. Hang in there everyone!

I too have a similar situation to the above posts. I can't really carry on a conversation with someone since I'm unable to think of what I would say let alone form a complete sentence. If I need to phone a business with a question I have I can call and ask it but after that it feels like my brain just shuts down. My memory seems to be getting worse and worse. I can get by and do my job and everything but I can't recall with clarity anything at all. I am 50 years old now. I was shy when I was younger but I don't consider myself shy anymore I just am unable to talk to people. My mind just blanks. I can write okay but I think it takes me too long to process my thoughts. I really wish I knew why I am this way because it is holding me back from enjoying what life should be. I'm trying to connect it with things I have read but I don't know yet. Is it because I cooked on aluminum foil a lot? Because of my silver fillings? My diet because I never have eaten many vegetables? Or because I consume too much sugar? I realized a few months ago that gluten had been adversely affecting me for the past 30 years or so. I've been avoiding that and my stomach and intestines are happier but is that what caused my mind to be the way it is? Maybe once or twice a year now my brain will be sharp, the fogginess will be gone and everything seems crystal clear and I seem to be able to express my thoughts the way I should be able to. That only lasts for part of the day at the most. I don't think I'm doing anything differently in the days before that happens. I'm about 5'8" 145 pounds and seem to be able to eat as much as I want and I won't gain any weight. Is there any common thread between all of us?

(I think I caught all my typing mistakes but after re-reading what I had typed I saw I had made quite a few mistakes mostly with words missing here and there. I don't know if that was from my messed up brain or not. Seemed like what I wanted to type didn't make it to my fingers.)

I am sorry to hear about that and I truly understand how difficult it is for you, Brian to cope up with this. But these are symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. Also, there is something bothering you and you are pushing it into your sub-conscious - be it some specific fear etc.

Have you ever felt you need a friend, an e-mail, pen friend sort of, who will listen to you, speak to you but not judge you. In front of whom, you can portray yourself to be someone else with a little more of yourself?

I want to help. Do reply.