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How can you get rid of your hymen without causing any pain!?


Somewhat unlikely, which should be a good incentive to wait until you're truly and passionately in love, over 18, and wanting to lose it.


well the thing is, i need to get rid of it now. i tried to break it but it really hurts too so i stopped. but i need to get rid of it.


Since the only possible medical reason for you to get rid of it now is to let something out, and I seriously doubt you have an alien inside you, then I'm afraid we're going to have to agree to disagree. No you don't 'need' to get rid of it now. You may 'want' to get rid of it, but that makes about as much sense as the Islamic women now queuing up to have their hymens reconstructed so they can prove to their husbands they're good Muslims.

If you are under threat for your life: go to the police.
If you are under threat medically: go to a doctor or hospital.
If you can think of any legitimate medical reason to get rid of a hymen: ditto, go to a doctor.

If as I suspect you're a young teen, then frankly, I wish you could or would speak to your mother, or a nurse, or someone old enough to understand why you feel this way. It is disturbing in the extreme that you should be under the illusion that this is a good idea or necessary. It's there for a reason. Leave it be until you have a big enough reason to allow it to be not there of its own accord, and god forbid, you may astonish society and care to wait until you're 18 to do so.

If you already are over 18, then it's a different matter, but my advice then remains: go see a doctor, if you seriously believe this is an issue and important in your life.


i can't talk to my mom about this stuff, she would freak. but the thing is at school people always talk about sex and stuff, and i told people i wasn't a virgin because i didn't want to be laughed at for still being one. but i'm with this guy and i really like him and we want to have sex but i told him i did it before, so if he finds out i'm still a virgin then it would be really bad. and i don't want the sex to hurt, so thats why i want to get rid of it, but every time i try to it really hurts. so i don't really know what to do.


OK, now you're starting to make a lot more sense.

Taking things roughly one at a time: what adults don't know about life fills libraries around the world. What kids and your fellow schoolmates don't know about life is why society sends you to school to get a quick-start guide to those libraries. So it's going to really help you deal with life if you can keep one eye on the future where you're a grown woman.

By the time you're 25, you're going to cringe at what your schoolmates had you do out of fear. At 40 you're going to cringe at what you did at 25. And so on. So now would be an excellent time to start developing 'cool' - not necessarily the 'I'm the queen of the prom' type cool (excuse me, I'm translating here from UK, and all I have to go on is 'Twilight'), but the calm, inner voice that says that being laughed at is not as bad as doing something I think is stupid or wrong.

Kids brag. Grown ups brag. The difference is, your mates know you're bragging, and rag you to bits about it - that or they pretend to believe you because it's kinder. If your school friends know so much about sex, how come 18yr olds, 25yr olds, 40yr old men and women are still so ignorant and incapable of leading successful lives? Look around, start developing your BS detector: there's a reason all those magazines are on the shelves in bookstores, and their not written by teens advising adults, because teens have suddenly figured it all out.

So rule #1: you're smarter than you're friends, when it comes to what matters to you.

Rule #2: no one tells the truth, least of all guys.

That sounds bad, but check out Liar Liar, Jim Carey: if everyone told the truth, politicians would never get elected, companies would never sell products, the church wouldn't exist, men wouldn't get girlfriends, women wouldn't get husbands, and basically life would end pretty abruptly: any people that did survived however would be pretty amazing (or hermits).

You're on a lifelong marketing campaign, so is your boyfriend, so are your parents, so are your teachers (they keep telling you to study hard right? Hint: do it because of what you want out of life, not because of anything they tell you).

I can assure you your boyfriends is hot to get inside your pants, and could give a monkey's as to what is 'true' or not about you. Your job is to decide what is true for you, personally, and to do a bit of soul searching. Read the posts that arrive here every day, about teens, unwanted pregnancies, and the fear going around them. I'm not going to lie (he said: see rule #2): sex is one of nature's greatest gifts to humanity: but it comes with a price - it's a bit of a Faustian pact - nature has a very important agenda, to keep life going, and doesn't care that you thought you were going to college, going to have a life, be successful, travel the world, be whatever you want to be.

If nature can get you pregnant, she will. If any boy can get you pregnant, he will, because the moment he sees you, he's not thinking straight. That's quite a compliment, isn't it? And he's not the one that's going to be working the checkout in the local supermarket, unless you or he has a trust fund (and he's honest, upstanding - not down there, but ethically - and willing to fund your unintended and early start on motherhood.

Never mind also the fact that while the law is designed to protect children, that doesn't make you immune to the law taking a dim view of your activities. Nature says you're an adult, the law disagrees, but as an adult in nature, you're going to have to take responsibility for your life, if you want a life.

So rule #3: sex is great, with the right partner, with the right attitude, which includes with the right sense of responsibility

Go learn about everything to do with sex, not just the good stuff, but the rest of it: life choices, what you want out of life, what women wanted out of life but never had because they had a baby, what they wanted and never had because they didn't have a baby, creating a home for that baby, and building a career for yourself to provide for that baby.

School doesn't even begin to teach you about life: go to your bookstore and start your own higher education program, because no one else is going to ensure you have a successful happy life if you don't.

Every day your learn something about your life, you're increasing your chance of having a successful life, including good and happy sex, and relationships: and if that learning process takes you till about 18, society is going to give you a big thumbs up.

Rule #4: two things always hurt: the first time, and having a baby.

Long before Sex in the City, long before your country existed, coming of age, becoming a woman was a big deal. Now Prada is a big deal, but it's not the same. Then, older women introduced you to adulthood, and celebrated with you. Now, teens are supposed to remain ignorant, and it's killing them emotionally, and society too, because they can't figure out why teens keep doing dumb things like having babies despite all the sex education, all the laws, all the parental role modelling - yuh, right.

As long as you're talking, (posting), and thinking, I'll do my best to encourage you to appreciate that yes, life is good, yes, sex is great, but yes, there's a lot that you may want to think about, if you really hope and intend to make it to being and adult, when you can REALLY f**k things up. Trust me. We all do, we all have.

Last night, after I'd replied, I had this thought, and guess what, you answered it anyway, because yes, of course your mom would freak, but have you ever wondered why? Do you seriously believe she never wanted sex at your age? Hell, have you ever calculated how old she was when she DID have you? Or what she was celebrating (hint: add 3 months to your birthday, easier than subtracting 9 months) - mine's january, add three, april - my father is (was, passed away) an accountant: he was celebrating the end of the tax year. What a passion killer. Oh well.

She's not your parent because she has an engraved certificate from God saying 'fully qualified to lecture and instruct rebellious teens and always knows better' - she your parent because - well, you get the idea. Dad had a smile, mom had a smile, and the rest, as they say, was (your) history. Why would someone who we can scientifically prove was no better than you at your age, be terrified of what she thinks you might be thinking of doing (my thought was: go ask; your reply answered that without my asking).

Hint: she's scared because she knows it's only through luck, heaven, having the right birthday, whatever, that she's even half way sane and capable of rearing you, and she knows, rightly it seems, that every teen is just as bad as she was, or if not her, her friends were, turned on and tempted, and asking to be knocked up by nature.

Rule #5: there's no law against pleasure. The laws are against mutual, physical interaction, especially and most emphatically, intercourse.

So I can safely tell you this: go to your bookstore, check out the following sections, and if you end up with an armload of books at the checkout point, well, that's a pretty good start to life, but for now, let's hope that maybe you can find one book from each of these sections:

- (women's, teen) health: go find a book that describes in detail what you're experiencing.

It should also describe responsible and appropriate sources of pleasure. You can live life in a state of bliss, between homework, and when you come down from your (non-drug-related) high, you may find a different perspective on all of this.

- (women's) biographies: go find out what extraordinary lives women have been having, and what lives they've been missing out on

- personal development: start young, hell, you're determined to start young on sex, try starting young on having a successful life, find a book that resonates (a word you'll hear 'personal development' people using), and start taking control of your life for your satisfaction, not because adults think so, not because your friends think so, not because society thinks so, but because it's your life, and while we may agree to disagree on many things, you, me, your parents, school, society - we all want for ourselves what we want for others, and vice versa: a fair shot at life, and happiness.

I'll even be a bit sneaky and put in a little plug for:

- new age: society doesn't know everything, science doesn't know everything, and the church DEFINITELY doesn't know everything: so all's fair in love and war - start reading about how the next generation (you) are growing up faster, rather different, rather more keen and impatient (duh, really? nah!) to get on with life.

Check out Omega children, as I seem to recall them being called.

Why do you think society is drugging an entire generation, calling it ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder = translation: I'M BORED OUT OF MY TREE GET ME OUT OF HERE). In my generation we were called 'gifted'. What society hasn't figured out is why so many children are now so difficult to handle: go do some reading.

And if all this seems like a cunning plan to keep you from doing what you really want to do, you're right, but that doesn't make me wrong, just someone who really hopes you have a great shot at life, and every minute I can keep you thinking about what you want out of life is another minute towards ensuring you do, indeed, have the best shot at life, and yes, including sex.

Go for it, but as an adult, with the sense of personal - responsibility sounds like a bad word - call it confidence that you're doing what you're doing for your reasons, no one else's. Take a head on run at life, as an informed, confident, charming individual, and you'll be so glad you gave yourself that chance: and in ten years time you might remember what's-his-name with affection, but ... really.


i know, and your right, but its just really hard.


Yes, it is. Nor does it get any easier. Look how many people are going round (or not) with big happy smiles on their faces, (except for wearing orange robes and chanting).

It's just life. When it's great, it's awesome: when it's not, it sucks.

We're not trying to give you a hard time, just save you having one!

Take care, and good luck.


Really? Maybe you should do your f*****g research. Everyone's is shaped differently and there are PLENTY reasons why it could cause pain or simply need to be removed not regarding sex at all


Hello, I, a woman with a fully functioning vagina (which I assume, from your comment, you do not posses.) would to comment on your closed minded remark regarding a fellow female wanting to break their hymen. It seems as though you assume the only reason one would desire to break theirs is for intercourse, however there are multiple reasons why one would attempt to break their own hymen. (Quite frankly even if it were for sex, for you to assume you have any say in when and why someone choses to take part in the act of coitus is quite a presumptuous move.) For example, women (or female to male transgender people) have to deal with the irksome cycle of menstruation, a 28 day process in which estrogen is released and thick and chunky blood flows out of our cervixes at a constant and steady rate for 3-7 days. Along with these 'periods' comes the option to either use a pad (which feels like a wet diaper) or to shove cotton sticks called tampons up them. Along with the pain of cramps and discomfort of bleeding out of your body for a WEEK, comes the pain of trying to shove a tampon through your unbroken hymen. If you are going to make rude remarks and be an ass, think about other options... don't.


^^^ She's got a point. I'd also like to say that while some of your advice could be encouraging or helpful to girls, the fact that it's paired with a blatant contempt for religion makes this forum an unwelcoming place; not exactly setting the mood for all us ladies to break down and talk about the most sensitive and private part of our bodies... just a thought.