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Been depressed latley.Not sure why, im a guy in a high school. I've never been bullied. I have a decent amount of close friends.
My friends are all very well liked in school, but I know most from before high school even started, or out of school. I don't talk mutch in most of my classes, not because im shy or ackward but because I'd rather just sit there. When im forced into social situations, ( debate class, old friends, speeches. ) i usalley make the whole class laugh. When on 1 on 1 conversation i make friends easily. Happened recentley i was talking to a very peppy cheerleeder outside of class when we were picked for to recycle, easily became friends with her on the walk and made her laugh the whole way. When we got back to class I stoped talking. I responded to people in a non-ackward way and made alot of friends for a few weeks, but eventually stoped talking again and everyone looks like they wonder why. So do I.

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Well, I can relate to that. Just because you can doesn't mean you should or want to. I can cook, but I don't. I could go out, but I don't. I could be marketing or selling my software, but I'm not. In fact right now I should be sleeping, but I'm not. Because listening to other people's problems at least gives me something to think about, something where I can make an obvious impact, something that may make a difference in their lives.

Trouble is, I've pretty much done most things people find exciting or dream about, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Don't have any family or kids to raise (recently decided I didn't need to keep paying an ex-partner just so she could keep on avoiding work). Basically there's not a lot in life that actually has to be done, if you think about it. Once you're fed, and dressed, the day just seems to go by.

Ultimately though, what's to kick us out of bed if we don't get a kick out of getting out of bed? The irony is, the more you understand life, the more life has no meaning. Sure, get a job. But why? Sit in an office, pay bills, get laid? She'll want the house anyway before you're done and the government will take the rest. Be a rock star? Sure, but is it worth it. Save humanity - definitely not worth it.

Really, when you get down to it, there is no reason to get out of bed, except boredom. So why bother?

That, ultimately is the question you may have to answer. Not necessarily with some big, sweeping, I now know why I'm here, some Keanu Reeves, you're the one. (Notice how many films have the reluctant hero protagonist, a sort of anti-hero super-hero rolled into one. Superman was the neon fake anti/super/hero, because basically he lied and kept his alter ego hidden. Neo had no idea that deep inside him was a superhero. Spidey had to get bitten, and he's frankly a bit of a wimp. Batman, now there's a grunge anti/super/hero, seriously f**ked up, but what the hell, with nothing better to do, better save Gotham.

Trouble is, behind every 'real' role model superhero (sports, film, politics - ugh) - there's a scandal or disappointment waiting to be unleashed, and why is it to so cool to kick, whack, thwack, toss, hit, throw or catch a ball anyway?

Bit like Johnny Depp, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the scariest thing of all, is in the depth of drug addiction or despair, there is no one to pull you out, no fairy god mother, no Morpheus, just friends, mates, parents, brothers, sisters, watching, concerned, curious, not understanding why you don't get out there when you've got so much going for you.

Life sucks, or blows, take your pick.

If something draws your curiosity, directs your attention, sucks you in, that's an attractor: it's in your future and you take action to move towards it.

If something repels you, you push away. Push behind you, push your past away, and you're a rocket. Suck up what's in front of you, you're a vacuum cleaner. Absorb life, drive towards something, drive away from something: they're all choices, made every moment of every day, from now till the day you die, and there's going to be an awful lot of them.

So you can either get very good at having life tick by: sleep, drugs, alcohol, dead-end job, despair; or you can find something to do to make some of that day pass a little less boringly, and litle more interestingly.

Ultimately, you're now old enough to begin to realise that everything, education, career, the future, is basically a big lie. Sometimes it was a well-meaning lie: pay attention, work hard. Sometimes not so well meaning: war on terror, global warming, credit crisis.

Every moment of every day, with nothing that's important, nothing that is the Hand of God laying down Truth and the Law, there is going to be very little you need to do, and just a long, long time spent doing what you feel like doing, and since nothing's worth doing, then might as well do nothing.
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