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Im sure my story is very similar to all of yours. I was 16 when I found out i was Pregnant with my first child. 2 months when I found out i was pregnant. My bf at the time was very unsupportive and told me horrible things. My parents were disappointed and let me make my own decision even though I always knew what they wanted me to do. I ended up having an abortion a week before thanksgiving and it was the hardest thing ive ever done....even four years later. My sister found out she was pregnant that same week I did and I look at her beautiful son and wonder what my baby would have looked like. what it wouldve felt like to hold it for the first time. Its still very fresh, and everyone and there moms are having babies right now which makes it a million times harder. I feel like it will never get better, I feel like a part of me is missing and nothing is able to fill it. I know it wont get better so i thought maybe i would try this and see if maybe this will help since nothing else seems to help.

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I know the exact feeling. i got pregnant at 14 and i actually miscarried because i was a cheerleading coach for little girls. one of the girls had down sendrom and didnt know her own strength and ended up takeling me when i was 3 months pregnant. to this day i still think about the what is to me not miscarrying. a year later my sister found out she was pregnant when we were 15. yes im a twin. and now her son is two and i envy what she has. she doesnt take care of him and always makes joke about putting him in a trashcan and walking away and it hurts me to see someone say that about her own kid and someone who doesnt understand the blessing of what they have. when i was 17 i found out i was pregnant again and i was so happy. the down side was a week before i found out the father ran off with his ex to get married. he is three years older than me. i didnt want to tell him and just have my baby because i didnt really want that drama in my life and i knew he wouldnt want it ether. well one of my friends told his roommate and his roommate told him. he made my life miserable until i got an abortion. it kills me you know. i could have to beautiful children right now and one of them i had a choice still. now my twin is about to have a little girl in may and its her second child and its once again killing me to see her have what i didnt. my brother also found out a week or two ago hes going to be a father and now my boyfriends sister is haveing her first baby as well. everyone is having kids all around me. then i think well im 18 and i know a child wouldnt be good for me right now but at the same time i cant help to thnk what if i had my kids. sometimes i wonder if the abortion was worth it. i went to theropy and what she told me hurt but i knew she was right. she said even if you had a child or two right now it will not feel that void of the others because the new children will create another place in your heart. each thing you love has its own place and nothiing will fill that place no matter how much you try. there is always days where i think about those kids and cry, especially around the anniverserys of when i lost them, but i let the happiness of my life now and where i am today over power that and iv forgiven myself. i know that if i had those kids i would have never made to college, met my boyfriend who i think is the one, and i would have probably never even finished high school. i look at the rest of my sisters situation and im happy i didnt bring kids into that. shes on welfare, not in school, cant find a job, and she is about to have her second baby. yes i still want the kids that were in me at one point though. its a non stop emotional battle but i had to move on
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