How to deal with a person who is having antisocial personality disorder?

Hi Guest,

I have some experience with people who are suffering from antisocial personality disorder, I used to hang out with one person suffering from this and I have learned something from that so I have an advice for you.

The best thing you can do for your friend is to persuade her to start seeing a psychologist because she needs therapy. She will get mad at you and she will yell at you and she might not want to talk to you anymore but that doesn't matter, as long as you can make her talk to a psychologist. Otherwise, it's no use spending time with her.

Gaia is right, you cannot help these people on your own because they think that they are somehow better than other people. They will hurt you without even caring about it, they are quite selfish and you simply cannot change them.

I would have given up on this person if I were you but Gaia gave you a good advice there, the best thing you could do is make this person talk to a psychologist, if you can do that. I honestly don't think that you can do it, not because you are unable to or that you are not up to the task, but that this girl simply won't want to do it.

The biggest problem here is that this girl has a way of making me feel like I did something wrong and that therefore I deserve the way in which she is treating me. I don't deserve it, I know I don't deserve it, so I am going to listen to your advice and I will try to convince her to start seeing a psychologist. If she says no, if she laughs at me (as she probably will), I will just cut her out of my life because I've come to realize that I don't really need people like her around me.

One girl that I met on the therapy couple of months ago has this antisocial personality disorder. She is the first person who I met with this type of disorder. When I asked her what this really is, she explained me very informative. She told me that antisocial personality disorder  is characterized among the doctors by the way a person thinks and perceives situations that are much different from normal people. 

It is hard to tell how to deal with this type of people, but I have to say that I hang out with her and I think that she is totally normal person. 

I think that the most important thing you can do is to understand that person and to give her or him your full, unconditional support. I am coping with one person that I really love and that person has this disorder. Of course, it is hard, but I am dealing with it pretty good so far. The most important thing is to learn to accept a person with antisocial personality disorder. That matters at first place, because when you accept that person you will gain the trust for life. But that is all you can do because there is no chance that you can help that person. That person needs to have medical help and maybe to use some medicine.

Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying -  that you can't help that person on your own even if you want to help her. This person really requires good and professional help. So I know that it is very hard to convince person with this type of disorder to go to the doctor, but trust me it is the best for her.

When I asked this girl that I know who convinced her, she told me that she came there because her bf begged her. For their own good. And she listened to him.

So there must be a way.

You can't help that person. All that you can do while you are trying to help that person is that she feels better for a while, but that is all. Anyway, I believe in the medications and antidepressants so I believe that this is the only way to help that person - convince her to see the doctor and let her know that medications are nothing bad. Medication treatment for the personality disorders is quite limited and you should know that at the beginning,. Generally, there are no medications to treat or cure the actual disorder. But doctor can give those people something else, because usually those with this disorder are angry, aggressive, etc.

Okay, I will give you an answer you don't want to hear but it's absolutely necessary that you understand it and follow what advice I have to give.

People that are answering this question don't have the clinical background in regards to ASPD, for which the sub-category is sociopathy; more rare usage is psychopathy, it's old name, to distinguish between learned / engrained personality & behavior or if it's genetic inheritance.

First off, you need to make sure that your friend does truly have ASPD and not some other problem. You can't just do a snap diagnosis, you'll need a psychoanalyst in the very least to make this distinction.

Now, psychologists; psychoanalysts and therapists can't treat ASPD because that's a very serious and often time dangerous personality disorder, the only people qualified are psychiatrists. Which all psychiatrists are medical doctors, too. Psychologists can't write prescriptions nor force patients to take said medications.

About ASPD; those people AREN'T suffering, everyone that's surrounding them ARE suffering from their wrath.

What you need to understand about ASPD is while you may befriend them, they don't befriend you. You belong to them, you are they're property, they don't see you as a person but an object to be used and manipulated how ever they see fit. You need to understand that sociopaths and psychopaths don't follow relationship dynamics at all, any level, for they don't have empathy, which is the reason why they do what they do.

Don't try to urge this person to go see a doctor, that will only get you on their sh*t list or, "the object is defective, time to get rid of it, destroy it so nobody else can have it". When I say, destroy, it's either means kill or decimate another person, to get them to comply.

You're not a bad person for wanting to get the hell out of there. People with Cluster B personality disorder are master manipulators, especially NPDs and ASPDs.

I need to explain something to you regarding the differences of NPD and ASPD. The biggest difference is in their aims for domination.

NPDs have an abject need for adoration, supply (attention), resources, accolades because of a wounded ego. They do everything for the constant ego strokes, even if it's distructive to other people. They don't use violence despite what many people in the social sciences claim, everything they do is mind games but they don't do it to "hurt you on purpose and enjoy it".

ASPD is essentially a phase shift of NPD or NPD's evil twin. They do what they do to actually hurt you, they enjoy all kinds of pain that you endure; mental, emotional and physical, if they get an ego stroke out of it, that's a plus but not required.

ASPD use violence to control their victims / objects. In psychology and psychiatry, it's very hard to tell the difference between NPD and ASPD.
Narcissists (NPD) are never sociopathic / psychopathic but sociopaths / psychopaths are always narcissistic.

Don't be too quick to label your, "friend" as ASPD because we don't know if she truly is and has been clinically diagnosed as such.

Also, not all people with ASPD need to be on medication, that depends solely on if the condition has a neurological (medical) origin or not of if it's more of a serious character flaw (which is called a personality disorder).

Do yourself and your friend a favor, don't label her as ASPD just because you think she fits a clinical diagnosis, leave it to the professionals.

What can or should you do? If this person truly has ASPD, get away from her, go no contact, don't tell her why you're leaving, just cut contact in all forms, don't feel guilty; you're just protecting yourself.

Do not be " friends" with her.
I was assusting a 58 yr old man to apply fir a pension.
Over a period of about 6 months I ascertained he had Anti-social Disorder,Persecution complex...in the end I resluzed hiw much of my time and energy was was being wasted just defendin,clarifying my words and behaviour,just a look( he would take any little thing I did and bliw it uo as a negative for himself and remunerate on it.
I tild him exactly what his behaviour was doing to me and that I was not wanting him in my life in the future.
He carried in though I showed him the door and requested he leave NOW.
HE finally went.
I will NEVER do that again.
Wasted time,money,energy was not worth him.
He will never change.He has no insight.

If the person with APD is your husband or wife there might be long-term and even life-wrecking consequences. I'm currently divorcing my wife, who has APD. Over the 22 years of our marriage her behavior cost us a quarter million dollars in income, her longstanding refusal to collect our daughter from after care cost me my job, she abandoned her financial responsibilities and physically split the family in two. She destroyed the drives containing my 20 year portfolio, making it impossible for me to compete in the job market and she threw out thirty years of my studio session tapes, destroying my life's work. Her actions kept our family in a never-ending state of crisis leading to a domino-effect with astounding repercussions. I didn't understand that she had a disorder until it was too late. I simply could not understand why she was that way and I kept on trying and foolishly hoping. Now, at the age of 63, I am facing a bleak future with no savings, no retirement, drastically reduced earning power and the prospect of ultimate homelessness, hunger and no health care. If I had understood that hers was a permanent and untreatable condition and that her exploitation of me would never end, I would have divorced her early on. For goodness sake, makle sure this doesn't happen to you so that you do not end up like me.

That is because people that are suffering from ASPD; Otherwise classified as (Sociopathy & Psychopathy) also suffer from narcissism narcissism are sociopaths or psychopaths but all sociopaths and psychopaths are narcissists narcissist have a extremely covert way of turning everything inside out such as what you're experiencing. Francis you feel as if you're doing something wrong and you deserve the emotional abuse you're receiving however in reality she doing something wrong by emotionally abusing you. These are signs of the trauma that comes along with being in the any type of relationship with a abusive narcissist or aspd. For instance my girlfriend has been diagnosed with a somatic narcissist with antisocial personality disorder traits, however I have been Ace supply like no other and because of this no matter who tries to woo her into leaving me and coming with them fails. The reason this is even important is because anyone with full-blown aspd has an inability to have any kind of emotional connection with another person in any way shape or form hence the anti-social part of aspd the way they get there connections with other people is through sex a lot of people with aspd have sexual addictions because of this on the men's side depending on his ability to charm they have extreme pornography addictions and can have extreme fetishes in regards to sexual encounters now when it comes to the females they tend to be what is called 'Homie Hoppers' for lack of a less degrading way of putting it. They tend to have a victim they are living off of that they use sex to control like they will sleep with them every night but they very rarely will have sex. They will expect you to change in the clothes after a shower in the bathroom but will come into the bedroom in a robe and change while expecting you to look the opposite way and will only praise you on the rare occasions that you may have a sexual encounter if you are the victim. They tend to play on the victim's heart and basically fake a relationship 4 supply a place to stay and that's about it. Then she will have someone that she idolizes completely usually this person has what she wants and that person will get nothing but complete praise from her to an extent. Anyways back to the point that antisocial personality disorders are the female variety do not care about the quality of their sex only the quantity because once again every time they have sex this is the way that they have connections with another person. Finally due to a complete inability to have an emotional connection on any level any kind of intimate relationship is not even on their radar and if they are treating you as if they want to be in a relationship with you they are pampering you into victim mode so be very very careful. By the way I know that you are just her friend but just because you're just her friend does not mean that you will not become her victim the difference between a narcissist and a full-blown aspd is narcissist want to have a loving relationship but they cannot because of their inability to really think of anyone else but themselves anytime they hurt someone due to a narcissistic injury afterwards they almost always feel bad unless they are malignant narcissist and finally narcissist care a lot about how others view them in fact this is one of the most important things to them. Now as for the SPD they could care less what anyone thinks about them and their whole purpose in life is to find victim after victim to obliterate and demolish and every way possible using every form of abuse that they can they get off on this actually give them pleasure to see another person in pain they love to watch someone that is or was once very confident crumble into nothing this is their whole purpose every way shape or form however this is usually how the SPD acts prior to diagnosis or if the SPD refuses to get treatment because treatment for and a speedy is very scary very painful and almost always avoided. I hope this helps and I hope she gets help I will pray for the both of you.

I am sorry to hear that aloofness is the correct way to treat people. Give them medicine instead of love.
When was the time that human relations were replaced with medecine. A few more steps and you will tell us that you will give them euthanasia. Sorry to hear that.

I empathize with you. I started dating a man 5 months ago who I suspect has ASPD. I’m a recovering alcoholic of 7 years and he 12. He has never married, has history of 14 dui’s, homelessness, prison, and a father who is the most obviously passive aggressive abusive person I’ve ever met. There’s a part of him I’ve grown to love but he makes it impossible to have a real relationship. The circles of trauma bonding are so quick it almost makes your head spin. He has apologized once. He takes a ssri which I think is helpful but has commented on wanting to kill his family and I really don’t think it’s a joke. He’s snooped around my apartment, phone, and I believe stalked me at times amid the drama of the trauma bond. We are both 61yo. I don’t think he has much empathy at all and little to no concern for his overall health or mine. He seems to gorge himself on food late at night to point of sickness sometimes. His father is more obvious in his sick selfish money grubbing passive aggressive manipulative behavior. Unfortunately his father is now living with him for mutual selfish reasons of not wanting to go to assisted living and inheritance of a significant amount of grubby money accumulated over time by gross selfishness and lack of caring for self. One of them is overly concerned with dress and the other looks like a dirty hobo. Arrogance oozes. Mine mine mine. As i right this I wonder why I even care because a reciprocal relationship seems impossible. I’m a highly empathetic caring person and a good catch. Somehow I’d hoped that I could save him from himself but I’d be sacrificing myself to some extent. I believe his mother was so emotionally abused she developed dementia and the symptoms are scary and horrible to hear including running away and freezing to protect herself. Unfortunately police never intervened. I also suspect arson in recent past due to envy and jealousy. I still wish I could help this man have a loving life for whatever is left of it but he has to get some kind of therapy otherwise I don’t believe anything will change and quite likely get worse.