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We have been married for 3 years we dated for 2 years before that. We have never had any problem with violence of any kind. We hardly ever argue and if we ever do he basically just tells me I'm right he's wrong and that's the end of it. Well the other night we were laying in bed and he moved my hair out of his face. I was joking and told him "Don't move my hair." He took my rubber band out and threw it. So I just kept putting my hair in his face. I told him to get my rubber band. He finally did. This is were I got a bit mean I was joking but in a mean way. I told him "That's a good job. Oh your such a good boy. You do what mama tells you" Well I knew he was getting irritated so I turned to face him. I touched his butt (he hates that). Then he grabbed my throat and said "If you do that again I'm going to hurt you" I said "No you won't you love me you couldn't do that" Well I did it again and he grabbed my throat with one hand and pushed me back so that I couldn't reach him and was choking me. Just as a reaction I pushed my body forward choking myself more so I could reach his face and I punched him in the mouth. I then walked away to the living room he followed and apologized. He said "I'm sorry this will never happen again. I don't know what came over me I just snapped."

This is the first time anything has ever happened like this. I mean he's the most passive person I know. I have seen him angry only 2 times before this. On those occasions his just deepened his tone when he talked he's never yelled at me or called me a bad name.  He has always treated me with the utmost respect.

I'm wondering should I be worried that this will happen again if I really upset him, or was it my fault because I pushed him to that point. Also, he is an infantryman in the Army and came back from a deployment 3 months ago. I don't know if this is a factor.


Hi Guest,

You may have pushed him a bit to far, it's hard to say.  Regardless, that's not an excuse to grab your neck and choke you.

It may have been a "one time" thing but, since you mentioned that he just came back from deployment, it would be a good idea for him to talk to a psychiatrist.  It may be due to stress that he acted out, we can only guess.

I'm hoping he understands and is willing to go.  It will show a lot about his concern over your well being (and that of any children) if he does. 

Hope it helps.