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I think i may have a problem here, not sure. So with the help of my SteadyHealth family, maybe i can figure it out.

My hub and i have been married for 10 years, no kids with him. In 03 we seperated because he had joined an internet date site.
(didn't mean to "wow" you straight from the gate")...anyways, after being away from the marraige for 10 months, i moved back home.
Although i was not "physically" living in our home, i was here more than half of the time. We still had sex and i still maintained his office.
I would come over and cook for him and spend weekends with him, all the while he was doing his "on line thing" I know, duh!!! Right?
His inbox was thriving with e-mails from potentials and he also had several e-cams on board. I knew this because i had to go to his e-mail to delegate invoices and service orders from customers and warehouses.

After i came home, all this eventually stalled, but he is still quite the porn king. I eventually bought my own lap top because each time i tried to get on the main computer in his office all i would see was T and A and bondage c**p.

FAST FORWARD to now.
My x son in law was working for my husband for a short time a few months ago, as he needed the income before his potential "other" job came thru. We knew his employ was just temporary and my husband was okay with it. The day came when "S" got the call that his job was ready for him and parted on decent terms. Okay, now last nite my daughter called on the house phone and asked where my husband was, lets call him "P" and i told her he was in the office and asked her why, wats up? She asked me to call her back on her cell phone from my cell phone, now my curiosity is peaked for sure. I did. She told me that "S" finally told my daughter, we'll call her "J"
that "P" was fooling around on me with the bar maid at a local bar he has been frequenting for years. Sort of like the Cheers thing.
S told J that my hub had bought her a pre paid cell and that he knew that she called him while they were on the job, this girl came to the job site and P gave her some money. All the guys made a joke about it and asked P if he was tapping that a** and my hub just chuckled.

This bar maid is assumed to be easy and a bit to friendly. She has 2 or 3 kids and is on welfare but tends bar under the table.
Let me tell you what. I am going to be 53 years old in December, i do not have the energy or the time to be playing games. I am certainly self sufficient and i refuse to spend my time wondering if my hub is getting something on the side. I can and will move forward without regret. I am strong willed and i will not take any c**p from him or this women.

My daughter asked me if i was mad, no i'm not mad at all. It's all good. She asked me if i felt like going to the bar and kicking her a**?
Why? I look at it this way, if this is what he wants, go for it. My life is to short to be chasing after my husband and wondering where he is when he's not at home.
If i question him, he will be furious as he hates to be put on the spot. I can't really do anything at this point as there is no proof. I handle the checkbook and record all receipts, tho i have noticed several ATM withdrawls from that particular bar lately. So whatever he is doing, it's in cash as he can worm his way out of an ATM withdrawl and i wouldn't know otherwise.
I will not play Go Go Gadget and i refuse to poke around and spy, that is to far beneath me. If he wants something else, it's fine.
I am so much better and i will not grovel to him. There used to be a time when i would turn over every stone to find clues, but no more, to old, no time or energy.
I still got the look and i have a out going personality, i am not afraid to be on my own at all. Actually i would welcome the tranquility.

So fam, what's the right and wrong here? Do i act like a screaming fish wife and beat my chest and tear up to the bar? No. Do i accuse and scream and cut all the buttons off his shirts? No. Do i ransack our bank accounts? This is all not me, period.
I will just sit tight and get my ducks in a row, no plotting, no revenge, no threats at all. I just want to be happy and if i have to be happy without a man in my life, that's fine.

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Sounds like you know what you need to do. Like you said, you have better things to do than take revenge and scream and kick, and all that is beneath you anyway. I commend you for that attitude. As a woman who was cheated on and just simply walked away, I can say I am quite happy I took that attitude versus telling him what a jerk he was, going after the girl, etc.

You're 53; you're still young. I don't care what other people say, you have a whole other half of your life to live. He's putting energy towards other women at a bar and at a computer that he has a responsibility to put towards you, but he isn't. That's not fair to you. Instead, you're putting energy into a relationship with nothing or few rewards in return. It's just not fair to you.

I say go with your instincts here and leave him. You deserve to be happy. Know that your SteadyHealth family is here to support you. :-)
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Thanks Bedson, you know i can't seem to seperate the anger from the sad. I found out today that this wome is 20 some years younger than myself and has 3 young children!!! Now i feel like an old floppy fart. I will confront him eventually, but how dare he.
I always told him and visa versa that if the kitchen gets to hot and we/he/I found an option to "stray" that we would be big enough and have enough respect for the other that we would put it out there and be honest. That never happened. He even introduced her to his brother when she showed up at the job site for money. He not only bought her a pre paid cell but he bought one for himself so they can have their chats. Tho he has his own cell along with mine on a contact, i pay the bills and i would notice for sure.

Our home sits on 5 acres of rambling woods. He told my son in law that he goes out in the back part of property, out of my site, and talks to her on the phone. I am so disgusted i could puke. My son in law apologized a million times for telling me such bad news but my daughter made him tell me. To me, 53 is up there, i am not a spring chik any more but i can roll with the best of them for sure.
He has obviously found someone who will do the "bondage" thing in the bedroom. Hot wax on my breasts while handcuffed to the headboard does not turn me on, i'm sorry. Mild S and M is one thing, but pain and i don't get along very well. I can't get into much more detail here on the forum but just use your imagination. AAARRRGGGGHHHH :$

Thanks for the pep talk, i appreciate it. I feel like the wind has been taken right out of my sails and i feel so vulnerable right now. Back to the drawing board again, how sad. Why do women flash a boob here and there and sweep these men straight out of their marraige? I don't understand. I have NEVER been unfaithful, even when we seperated 6 years ago.
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Gosh BBfeet9 that just sucks. It doesn't sound like you've got much evidence to pin on him yet but it does sound like it's upsetting you. Do you think that you could confront him about it in a gentle way? Since you said that you two already have talked about the possibility of infidelity, maybe it's up to you to remind him that you've made that promise to each other? I think that might be worth talking about with him. What do you think?
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I'm gonna be as gentle as i can here. I know that i am supposed look at everything, don't assume, don't judge, don't accuse, but...my source is extremely reliable and my hub has been kind of doing a few things that he hasn't done in the past. Like take his wedding band off is one of them, go way back in the woods out of my site and sit back there for a long time, "i was just lookin at the beautiful property"
$2,000.00 out of the ATM is less than 3 months.
I have had enough of the lies and if he wants a chick that is 30 years younger than him with small kids, amen to ya. I will get mine for sure. He just came into a hugh inheritance from his mom, cha ching.
I am not a vengeful person and i am not a blood sucker, but when you make me out to look like a monkey and a fool to your employess and your brother, who by the way told him he was gonna get his a** in trouble eventually, i come out swingin, period. If you wanna do the do with some trashy bar maid, go for it, but it will be a frosty day in hell before he comes near me again.
We have been married 10 years and this is not the first time, this is strike 2 but there will be no strike 3 here. 10 years is the magic number and he either gives me what i want, which isn't all that much, or we do it down and dirty, half of your stuff will be mine. It's easier to just give it up, the little bit that i want, or we take it to the mat, either way, i can go into pit bull mode and he will be sorry, not me.
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Hm, well, don't assume that he's cheating, but do confront him. Just tell him that he's acting weird and he needs to tell you what's up if he respects you, because I think that's fair. I think it is pretty shady what you're describing there...

I'm sorry to hear it though. PLease let me know how it goes, okay? :-(
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Well, i did not over react, i played it cool, and yes he is cheating on me. I found the cell phone that he bought so that he could talk to her without my knowing. There are several texts in the phone that are very sexual in nature and also where he says he will drop her off some money. Another text says that he will grab her a carton of cigarettes when he goes to the smoke shop to get ours.

So, i do not give another chance and there is no room for explanation. I have the phone locked in my security box and he seems uneasy and a little jittery, i know he freakin cuz he can't find that phone. I checked it a few times and there have been 5 missed calls, all from her number!!! Now i have to go buy a charger as this phone will be dead soon. This is perfect as i can use this phone in court.

But you know what? It's okay. Any man/women who sneaks around on their wife/husband is not worth fixing, not a second time. If this is what he wants, so be it, but he doesn't have a ton of money like she may think. My husband is a big talker and he likes to flash his wallet (when there is something in it) and she obviously noticed. I have zero respect for this man. I will not scream, i will not threaten him and i will not approach this women, i will simply let my lawyer handle the whole thing, including sending him her bill.

15 years knowing him, 10 years married to him, how sad. The man is 60 years old and this girl is 30 years younger with 3 kids under the age of 8, he will never be able to deal with little kids as i see his skin crawl when our grandkids get ramped up.
I will just sit back and watch him come apart at the seams, and the icing on the cake will be when i take a big chunck out of his wallet.
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You know the sad thing is I know so many different family situations where people are open, closed, whatever. I think the main problem is that it's a lack of communication. It sucks that he never talked to you, never mentioned what he was thinking or how he was feeling, so then he felt like he had to sneak around instead of just being up front with you.

I'm glad to hear you're taking a strong stance on it too. Once trust is gone, what's the point?? Keep us all posted on how you're doing though, sweetheart. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I know it can't be easy...
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thanx healhnfitnessguy, i gotta be frank and i'll probably get scolded for this but, my husband is a bastard and a rotton w**** chasing mother f***** ahhh, much better ;-)
It's okay and i'll be fine, i hope. Just gotta get my ducks in a row if you will. Hmmm, soon to be single, what to do, what to do? I'm sure i'll find somethin to do, maybe i'll take up knitting and make freakin lap blankets for the folks in the Nursing Home. Great, hmph.
O well, life goes on and infidelity is older than dirt, so i will make the best of a rather nasty situation. I may be down but i am not out, not by a long shot. He may win the battle but i'll eventually win the war, i'm sure of it. I won't wreck things that belong to him, tho i contemplated plucking all the buttons of his shirts or sewing his pant legs closed or even breaking all the zippers off his jeans. I even thought of other things, to risky to publically display ;-) ;-)
I will keep you posted for sure, now comes the dirty task of finding an apartment as i don't want the house, to big for a single little lady.
thanks for careing.
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Hahaha, hey, you're entitled to your opinion, he is a jerk for not opening up to you!! Hey, you'll be fine and you're obviously a strong and resilient woman. I just think it sucks that he didn't respect you. Oh well. :\ Feel free to keep venting here. You do so much for everyone else, hopefully we can give something back to you!
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Thanks hon, i appreciate the shoulder. I am very resiliant but it still hurts like a b***h. Ya know this fool is trying to get frisky with me, hahahahahahahahahahahah, dumb ass!!! I wouldn't sleep with him now even if he soaked his penis in bleach. Nasty nasty. Maybe his little bar maid gave him the boot. Oh well, sorry for ya sucker.
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Well of course. I mean it's a big betrayal. But at the same time, you'll recover and be better off for it. I just hate that you had to find out this way that he's a jerk. :\
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I began the daunting task of apartment finding, ugh. But surprisingly enough, the first one i looked at i applied for and got. My daughter and i move into our new little abode on Oct.1st. When i say little, i mean just that, but because i have been used to 2800 square feet of country living, i will be an adjustment for me. I will recover in no time i'm sure. I have a strong team of supporters and even frinds of my hubs are all of a sudden feeling bad, FOR ME!!!

As i watch the money flow like water out of the bank, i wonder what could be that good that he has to pay for? Obviously a sexy young chick who is attracted to his wallet. Tho my heart is broken, there is no room in my life for this behavior. I have a hard time even looking at him as he floats around like nothing is wrong. I now see that i have to shift into the "ugly" mode and get myself to an attorney. My friends tell me to stay in the house and seek counseling, but i just can't sit in the same room with him much less share a bed.
10 years down the drain. Everyday is a headache, and i am still having a hard time eating, my stress button is stuck in the "on" position and no matter what i do to relax myself, it doesn't work. I have lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks, not a good idea considering my normal weight was 122. I notice that when i comb my hair, it seems to be falling out, this is yet another stress symptom. I feel stretched to capacity and i just wonder when the explosion will take place. I feel like a bottle of pop being shook and shook while a finger is held over the top, should the finger move, well............

I have not been able to cry yet as i think i am just to angry, but when i do there probably won't be any stopping for a while. I have my Vegas vacation to look forward to, as we leave the 15th of September. I will check all my sadness at the airport and go away and have a wonderful time. My daughter is so excited and i am as well. When we get back, all hell will break loose, it will be nasty i'm sure.

In my heart of hearts i know that i am doing the right thing. The trust is gone. Trust was hugh in my marraige as i never questioned him about his where abouts, never asked him who he was talking to, never asked what time would he be home, never asked why was he 3 hours late for supper, not once did i ask questions, that was trust, lol, look how far that got me. Do you trust to much, do you trust to little, i just don't know anymore.
As i sit here on my lap top, he is napping on the couch across the room from me, the feelings that i have coursing thru me at this very minute are horrible, i secretly wish that he would have a heart attack while he sleeps, yikes i know, but i do. I see his left ring finger, still showing the tan line from his missing wedding band. I can't take my band off, not yet. I took the diamond off and the anniversary band, but the wedding band itself is still in place. I look at it and it seems to mock me, how can such a pretty gold band with little diamond chips be so ugly. The inscription on the inside reads, have i told you lately that i love you, that was our favorite song when we got married. His rings reads the same as mine.
What a shame, what a damn shame.
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You're breaking my heart just because this man clearly has no idea what he's missing. You know, to be honest, my mom got divorced at 55 and the first thing rude people tell women is that if you're over 30, you're less likely to get married for some reason. Now it's five years later and she's happpily married to a new man. Time will certainly heal all wounds. I suspect that you'll find time to cry when you move out. In the meantime, just post hwere when you feel sad. I'll keep you entertained, I hope :-)
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The other day i found a refill script for Cialis, wow, i knew what was up (sorry for the pun) but now i got it in my face. I am leaving for Vegas on Tuesday, i know he will be quite busy while i'm gone. I hope he has enough respect for me not to bring her into our home, don't forget, i haven't moved out yet. We have not used his male enhancement meds in 3 years, he was out of them anyway. So i noticed that he called his dr.twice on thurs. and twice on fri. i found the refill yesterday. I didn't even bother to call him out on it, i just wish he would wait until i was moved out of the house all together, which is oct.1st.
He is still talking and trying to be funny, but i find no humor in anything he has to say.
The tension is building every day and i feel like i swallowed a cinder block. I have such a heavy feeling in my stomach and my appetite is next to nothing. I went to mcdonalds and got one of those new Angus mushroom swiss burgers, they are good but after 3 bites the beach buzzards (sea gulls) had lunch on me, then for their gratitude, they sh*t on my jeep, that's the thanks i get.

Anyway, i start packin for my trip soon, Tuesday mornin 6 a.m. our plane leaves. I am leaving my dark mood home and promise to make myself have a good time. When we get home saturday, it will be hell as we move out 2 weeks from then.
I am sad, mad, glad, releived, pissed, and sick and tired all at the same time. O brother, this sucks.
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