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Ive been married to my husband for a little under 6 months. We had not been dating long when we decided that we would tie the knot, so I could be with him in USA. Prior to me moving, i was suffering major deppression, and was happy to move away from my native country in the Uk, were i had no family or friends.  My husband has the wildest temper, when he gets mad he insist that i look at him, if i dont he will throw me around slap me, choke me, hit me. He says that i need to be more responsible for hurting his feelings, and more submissive, and if i do as he says i cant go wrong.

 

Ive been feeling like i cant handle it recently, as the violence seems to be escalating, he slaped and chocked me so hard last night, this morning I have a stinking headache.

 

I have no one to talk to in this part of town as I have no family or friends here. My parents have ex comminucated themselves from me as well, as they were involved in a tight christian group, and i decided to leave. I feel very lonley, and stuck in an awful situation.

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Wow... I'm very sorry to hear this. I think you're in a very bad situation and you should certainly seek some outside help as soon as possible. You should look up a local battered woman's groups online and try to get in touch with them and get some counseling. If your husband's temper gets the best of him then it's his problem. But people with these kinds of behaviors are also very possessive and you may have a problem getting out of the relationship safely. This is why you need the discrete help of an outside group with experience in this area to help you make a safe transition out of this toxic relationship. I understand that someone with depression would have a hard time helping herself but it's very important that you seek help as soon as possible and not allow him to establish this pattern in your relationship. You should do it now, when it's still not too late, and do what's best for your safety and health. Don't accept this situation as normal. IT IS NOT! People like your husband have a problem, often an organic problem with their brain, and I don't think he will change as readily as you may wish. So, don't let wishful thinking get the best of you. I'm a man and know that people with these types of behavior will not get better. They only get worse. Better be alone than in a toxic relationship. If you had the family support back home I would have said just take a plane ticket and go back to their support. But I guess that's not going to be that easy either. Anyway... I wish you the best. 
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User avatar
Health Ace
6888 posts
Everything AllenN said and do it before he kills you.

There are womens shelters where you can go. Don't take that abuse.
I'm sure nearly any public official would be willing to help you find what you need or any clergy person.
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i been there sister, had an agressive husband that can be the sweetest guy ever and he can be the biggest jurk ever, he acctually put me in the same house with his ex wife for 5 months, sleeping with her in the same room and am in a separate room not forgetting the beatting up and the abuse fisically and montally, and just kuz am alone in this country and i dont speak the language i had to stay and just be that victim, untill he hit me outside in the street and almost destroy my face, the police had taken me to a shelter for domastic violance thats where i learn my rights...
but what i want to say that you need to get out of there no matter what or no matter how much you love him you have to leave, if he put his hands on you ones he will do it again and again and again... dont wait untill something bad happend, and trust me that affected my life a biiiiig time, i cant trust no one or be with some one without messing it up cause i cant trust... it took me 8 years to get out and 3 years later am this way.. hope you have a better luck and you move on and forget all of it as soon as you leave him.
good luck sweetie  
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 i just feel for you and i hate man like this
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i am thinking of you, i just want you to know you are not alone.

Your husband will never be in the right to hit you. never.

Get out quickly, plan it well, because people that are so violent and so UNRESPECTFUL of others physical and mental well-being will NEVER change.

He must've had a really nasty traumatic childhood, which will never justify your pain.

Get out quickly, i'm with you , follow your intuition and reason, someone will help you somewhere for sure. Please Don't Give Up.

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Your situation with this animal (not a man in my eyes) won't get better. THIS IS LEAVE OR DIE
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I know that your all right, in what you say. Never the less, i cant seem to see beyond the situation. Its not like going back to the UK would be better for me. I dont have anyone there, and the past is full of painful memories, one of the reason i was so eager to get out in the first place, when i made my move  here.

Since my last post, he's actually "smacked me around" twice since, only one yesterday, when i expressed dissapointment, that he had still failed to get in some important documentation, that has needed to be processed for months.  He got on top of me in te bed, slapped/ hit me about 8 or 9 times in the head, including my lip and temple, which now have brusises and pulled my mouth apart with his thumb and stuck his finger really hard into my cheeks, pressing down really really hard. All before going to work..

He's actually very, very normal. In fact, some of his male friends consider him a role model by some standards, but with me, he seems to think anything I do wrong is a 1000 times worse than what he could ever do. I hate the way he treats me.. I really hate it. Im convinced he doesnt love me. Why would you do that to someone otherwise. Im not sure... Im just lost with the entire situation.

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I think I may be able to plan a little better, when im employed again, as im currentl finacially dependent on him.
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You don't need money to get help... There are shelters for ladies that you can stay in for free while you search for a job. You should call the police next time it happens to you and get out of there right away. They will take evidence pictures if he bruises you and charge him with domestic violence. No Man should ever hit his woman. Do some research.. find out what your options are. Call the police station and ask them what kinda help there is out there.. you don't even have to tell them your personal story. Make a friend... someone that you can call. Hell I would even go to the great lengths of calling your family.. maybe they will be understanding knowing whats happening to you. Go to your neighbors and ask for their help. Someone is gonna care enough to help you out.
I hope the best for you and that you find a way to get out. It was the best thing in the world when I left my ex boyfriend ( and all he did was push me around and verbally abuse me) .. but it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I loved him.. I had a child at a young age cuz I thought we were gonnna be together forever.. and the first 6 months after we broke up were very emotional and traumatic on my heart.. but I vowed that I would get better and become a strong independent person for my child. Now i'm married with someone else and I let him know right off the bat he would never treat that way cuz I walked away once from love and I would do it again if I had to. He treats me very well. Sometimes we gotta look inside ourselves and think of whats gonna be best for us in the long run and regardless of how hard and how bad its gonna hurt to do it we gotta stick to our guns and suffer thru to get to where we wanna be. You can do it!
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what you do is:
you go to walmart   .1
you buy a metal baseball bat    .2
you use a metal saw and cut the lower end off   .3
now its hollow.    .4
go get some sand    .5
fill the bat up with the sand    .6
then cap the bat so the sand doesnt run out   .7
what i did was take a knuckle of tissue paper and put it in and then taped it over that    .8

then i went and used that on the guy that raped my sister.
i think he still cant walk straight.
he probably wont try to call the cops when his knees are shattered and legs are broken by a woman.
most guys like that are wannabe tough guys.
they cant handle getting beaten by some one they see as lower than themselves. 

btw. this is a really really bad idea.
only use it as your last option.

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