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Just when you think things couldn't get worse.....they do!!
My husband got a phone call the other nite from an x family member of his telling him that his X wifes dad had passed away. Ok, so far, so good.
The x did not know. So, my hub has connections still with his x in laws, as many of us do, fine.
Hub calls his x sisiter in law, who knew nothing of the death. The father was some what a transient. In the mean time, x sister in law calls my hub's x wife who immediatly called my hub.
It gets better. X wife lives in N. Carolina, she has no job, no car, no money, and lives in a freakin tent in the park someplace. I failed to mention that she is an alcoholic.
She calls my hub, crying that she needs to come to NY but has no place to stay once she gets here. I watch the color drain from my hub's face as he gears himself up to ask me the ultimate question of "can she stay with us for a while???
He told her that we have a large home with 2 empty bedrooms, which she immediatly jumped on. I am not a mean person and i am always willing to lend a hand but this whole thing makes me un easy. I am not jealous at all as my hub is a business owner and speaks to very attractive women all the time, it's his job.
He told her that he would have to speak to me. This was a few days ago and she keeps calling, but he has yet to bring it up to me in detail.
She calls him always on the cell, and if i answer his phone she will not converse with me at all but asks for him directly.
If she comes into my home, what will happen here? She does not own a car, we have 3 of them. She has no money, we do. She is a boozer, we aren't. I don't know how she gets by, tho she does own a cell phone.
What am i to do with this? Do i want this throw back from deliverance in my home? How long will she squat here? We would have to pretty much feed her and basically support her for how long? She has fam here, but they want nothing to do with her. She has no kids either.
A few years ago, i agreed to let my husbands x girlfriend stay with us while she was here from Florida. Her son and my hub were very close at one time. That was the weekend from hell. I had no idea what they were talking about and all they did for the whole time was stroll down memory lane, remember when we did this, hehehe, how fun was that or how fun was this??? The the kid jumped in with the same thing. I sort of sat around, tho i was social, i couldn't even join in on the convo as i had nothing to add. I would go to bed at 11 and they would still be up sitting side by side on the sofa. My hub hates jealousy, i went to bed as my green eyes couldn't stay open much longer.
So...i wouldn't even suggest putting this women in a hotel, we would still have to see to it that she ate, and she would need rides.
What do you think i should do with this one? I will be honest, but only to you guys, i am furious, i am pissed, and i can't beleive that he would even suggest that we let this women stay in our home for any length of time. Like i said, he hates jealousy, which i am not jealous this time, just really mad. >;) >;) >;) >;)

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All this boils down to is : who owns the house where you and your husband are living in now. If you own the house, you have a 100% right to say no. If your husband owns the house, he has a right to invite whoever he wants to stay as long as he wants them to. If the two of you co-own the house, you two will have to work out a compromise. Based on your description of the situation, you husband's ex is going to stay with the two of you for quite a while, and it is going to be hell for you. There is also a possibility that your husband and his ex may rekindle their feelings for each other. Situations like this have often ruined marriages. To save your marriage, you will have to try your best to prevent this from happening.
In a worst case scenario, I have the following suggestions:
1. Buy her a bus pass so that you won't have to shuttle her around in your car. Tell her walking is good for her health. 2. Make her earn her stay by making her do house work and other chores for you and your husband. 3. Tell her not to drink in the house. 4. Set a deadline when she will have to leave.
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We have been married for 12 years, we own the home together and i am VP (on paper) to the business. I am beside myself with this whole thing.
I feel i have to put my foot down hard on this one.
I wonder how he would react if i asked him to please allow my X husband to stay in our home, he hates it when i have to talk to the X on the phone.
I am sooo mad right now i could spit.
And oh ya, she also has 2 dogs besides. We have 2 labs and 2 cats. Come on, how far can i allow this to go???
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Sorry I have to say NO to this one! There is no way I would allow my husband's x to live with us in anyway shape or form whether I owned the house or not!
This is just asking for trouble. I am not talking about worrying about your husbands fidelity either. Have you ever had an alcoholic in your house?
Let me tell you they can cause wholy chaos.
By allowing her to "move in" you are only enabling her drinking problem. She needs to get help, get a job and support herself. Why do you think her family members have nothing to do with her? I'm sure there is a good reason.
Maybe you husband could offer her advice and help get her into rehab for help. That would put a roof over her head for awhile and maybe help her more in the long run.
Please let us know how this turns out. I'm anxious to know.
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The more i thought about hoseclamps reply, the stiffer i got.
It doesn't matter who owns the house or whose name is on the deed or who fronted the money to buy the house, this is our marital residence.
A home has got nothing to do with anything as it wouldn't matter if we lived in a rented apartment. When you marry, everything becomes joint property. It's not his home, it's not my home, it's our home. All decisions should be and normally are, discussed. We usually come to some kind of conclusion where we are both satisfied.
As far as an alcoholic is concerned, i was brought up by drunks. I lived it everyday. My hub should know better as he quit the drink when Scott Norwood missed the field goal, what, 17 years ago now? When he was married to this women they were drinking buddies and they fought like cats and dogs, she kicked in so hard in the balls that he had to go to the ER, he in turn, knocked out her front teeth!!!!

Thank you KariB, i appreciate your candor. It looks like this will turn into a battle of the sexes here. Apparently the male perspective is totally different from the female.
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You better not do it, this is a very bad idea. It will mess up you marriage and home.
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first of all,u say live with you guys!? i dont think so,u have to make clear that she will not stay longer than 30 days and make her sign something,tell him if he so concern about her,he need to ask his friends and not you!no x would come to stay around my man,and how she got his cell#? thats crazy,dont put up with this and thats not jeallousy,its protecting yourself from being hurt!and if he talks to many females because of work,maybe he can also ask one of those females to help out with an old friend of his!dont let no woman in your house except your mother and sister,because all that saying is some gonna happen and i can tell you that from experience! sandy

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