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My daughter (14) wants to go topless at home. She'll get dressed she says when people arrive but she would like to be at ease so she calls it. We don't know how to react. My husband would like to say no, I am inclined to allow her to. She already gets out of her bra as soon as she gets home, so she's already quite at ease. She usually wears only panties and a t-shirt. So I suppose it would mean having her in her panties only which of course would not be much. On the other hand it's not as if we were particularly prude even though my husband tries to avoid being naked in front of her. As a child she was often nude with me and her father, and even after I got remarried she was often topless even in the presence of other people. We asked her to cover up when she started developing 3 years ago. So in a way she only asks to get back to her habits. What would you do? 

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We know this problem! We too had let our daughter go topless at home when she was a child and she didn't understand we asked her to start to wear a t-shirt once she started to develop breasts. She was 10 then. Well, to be precise, we didn't ask her right away when her breasts first budded but only a few months later when they started to really develop. In a way we were driven by both our boys who both started to look at her in a different and definitely interested way. She refused and she even argued that two of her friends used to be topless at home also and one of them had also started to grow breasts. At the same time she complained about her eldest brother who had started to get frequent erections which he couldn't always hide which she found was gross! We failed to make her understand how this was in a way just the same and that according to her own feelings she should get dressed in order not to offend the others. In the end we had to let her have it her way. It was only a year later when her areola developed that she felt she had to cover her breasts. From then on she developed quite the opposite attitude and became anxious not to let anybody see the mound of her areolas and later her nipples, starting to look for the perfect padded bra! Maybe your daughter will also revise her judgement and change her feelings.
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Let her go top less nothing wrong with that.Even if she wanted to go nude around the house just let her.At least she has a good body image of herself.To many of us have a body shame image.She is letting her skin breathe and not having it smothered by clothes.
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We allow both our daughters go topless (13 and 15). We explained to our boys (9 and 11 1/2) why their sisters wanted to go with no shirts in the house and at the pool. Since we have allowed all of them to go nude in pool and in uw in house if they want to.
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Applause a happy nude family.
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Thanks. It has helped with their self image. We are open to any questions they ask. We also now allow nudity in the house if they want to go nude.
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We were surprised, we thought the boys would have more questions about the girls, but itvwas actually the other way around. The girls had so many questions about the boys. Definitely was a surprise.
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Thanks for the answer. I'm afraid my daughter is beyond changing her feelings about being topless: As I wrote she started to develop breasts 3 years ago. She is a B-cup with medium sized "swollen" areolas and solid nipples when they are hard which over the last couple of months has become their regular state. Anyway we grew tired of the endless arguing and allowed her to go topless. Surprisingly though as if in exchange she usually wears shorts or a skirt now. She doesn't act in a provocative way at all, so I suppose it's ok.
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Our daughter has never been topless when a child, but her breasts became sensitive when they started budding and she disliked anything touching them so she started to be topless at home. She was 10 then and it was ok for everyone. A few months later they stopped being sensitive but they started to hurt a little bit. Since clothes made no difference, she got dressed again. Another couple of months later her nipples started to develop and they became very sensitive. The slightest touch would make them grow hard. So she was back to topless. No problem!
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Up to which age did your daughter stay topless? Both our daughters had tender breasts which hurt from the beginning. This stopped only when their breasts had already gained a little volume. When the areolas enlarged and the nipples appeared they became very sensitive in turn. We allowed the elder to go topless from that stage on (the younger was to follow suit a couple of years later) because that was the only way for her not to have hard nipples all the time and actually not to feel aroused. (We tried bras in order to prevent tissue from rubbing against their breasts but they hurt so we abandoned them again.) There was never a problem with that, but they developed a liking for being topless and even today (they are adult and the younger has a child of her own) they get rid of their tshirts asap.
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Basically she was topless when she was 10 as I wrote and then again when she was 11 and until she was 13 when she felt she had to stay dressed. She wore bras all right but they made no difference, the fact that they restrained the nipples was enough for her to feel uneasy. She wore them nonetheless in order to hide her nipples. When she was 15 she tried once again topless at home and gradually learned to feel at ease like that. She's still got large nipples but they stop being hard only minutes after she's got out of her shirt. Today she's 19 and a few weeks ago on vacation in Spain she even dared being topless in public.
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User avatar
Health Ace
6889 posts
This reply intrigued me. I grew up in the 40s when nobody told us anything and I had only 2 girls my age for playmates. Playing in the lawn sprinkler in the summer we usually ended up nude because cotton underpants don't stay up well when wet and girls never covered up their non existent breasts back then. I can say from experience they were much more interested in my extra parts than I was in their front slit which only looked like a miniature bottom. I had something that stuck out with a little bag that hung down which was definitely more interesting than their front behinds. In the winter they loved to watch me pee because I could write my name in the snow.

Loving this exchange because I feel girls and boys are body shamed unnecessarily when growing up which creates many strange attitudes in later years.
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User avatar
Activist
60 posts
I don't know if is a silly that I reply to this tread because I only have boys. The one is 12 and the other just turned 10.
I was brought up in a very conservative home but my wife in a more relaxed environment. We both agree that the latter is much better for self-esteem and the child is much more likely to bring their questions to their parents.
After our first one was born, it took me a while to adapt to this, especially as he got older but I started to see how this more relaxed atmosphere strengthened me and my boy's relationship to a level which me and my dad never had.
It is more difficult with my younger one but it is because he has other challenges. I have posted about him in my other threads.
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User avatar
Health Ace
6889 posts

I think we all have experiences that add to the discussion... It's not necessary to have girls to have an opinion. I'm quite thankful for my one sided experience having only girls to play with for the first 8 or 10 years. Later when in school and the other boys were spending most of their time attempting to see what girls were hiding under there I already knew. I think that gave me a different viewpoint about girls as I wasn't as obsessed with trying to find out.

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I can only encourage freedom where it comes to clothing during puberty. Those who want to hide their body should be able to hide it and those who do feel otherwise or indeed who experience a need to be naked should be able to do so too at least at home. My breasts have been very tender from the moment they started to grow but it was not until my nipples developed that I wanted to go topless. I have inverted nipples so when nothing touches them there is only the areola visible with a small slit, but when touched by clothes the nipples come out and protrude. I had (and still have) small areolas and small breasts which I felt always quite at ease with but I didn't want the nipples to show through the clothes. So I decided to (and my parents let me) go topless at home and on the beach and wherever it was possible when I was 14. Back then all my (female) friends have known me topless and later I didn't hide in front of my male friends either. I don't feel sexy doing this, I certainly am not, it's just the way I want to live my life. On the contrary, my younger sister who has larger breasts and "normal" nipples continuously wears a padded bra in order to hide them.
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