Sorry folks. dont know if its cause prescription drugs do nothing for me or if am just wrecked. Chose to take another post, as i cant stop.................................I feel so hurt...feel my cildrens pain( whether they feel it or not). I want to put a full stop just there...but havoc in my head....I spoke to him and I told him, that it can be incredibly damaging to a youth growing up ( especially one with a thoughtful mind) to be in this distress.
Sorry, I am not supposed to be drinking as I 9 almost begged my GP for a drug to stop the cravings). The problem is, i've got to say this...its been the hardest week of my life.i also aint stupid, i did my shitty degree when my ( bless him) grandad died..and much much more. I dont understand why? Sorry Ive just got to say rho cause bambi your brill,and so is that person called healthand fitnessguy...so far you done me wonders...the problem is ...i cant get vlean and my self until its resolved. hey though...its not like i am turning roud to a somebody and wanting an affair or like I want to go and take advantage of anyone or hurt anyone. I am , well, i am , what i am/i choose to hurt no one..Though this is my difficulty, I hurt because of him so therefor do not give my kids my best....its gone on for years and hes without realizing it, has done me do many damaging things.. its not his fault hes not well, and now I am not..am i right in thinking this?
Its just well actually..he knows I have a drink problem and than feeedsm eit...but hey good , so does he. \i am trying to stop. Going to need and about to bubble it out. i get puffy nlidtery eyes and look like sh*t..well this week I have cried every single night and even at my little part time job, which \is actually think is fab..could not contain it..I had to rush to the lu....then cry. but crying had to be a good thing,....
Sorry, I am not supposed to be drinking as I 9 almost begged my GP for a drug to stop the cravings). The problem is, i've got to say this...its been the hardest week of my life.i also aint stupid, i did my shitty degree when my ( bless him) grandad died..and much much more. I dont understand why? Sorry Ive just got to say rho cause bambi your brill,and so is that person called healthand fitnessguy...so far you done me wonders...the problem is ...i cant get vlean and my self until its resolved. hey though...its not like i am turning roud to a somebody and wanting an affair or like I want to go and take advantage of anyone or hurt anyone. I am , well, i am , what i am/i choose to hurt no one..Though this is my difficulty, I hurt because of him so therefor do not give my kids my best....its gone on for years and hes without realizing it, has done me do many damaging things.. its not his fault hes not well, and now I am not..am i right in thinking this?
Its just well actually..he knows I have a drink problem and than feeedsm eit...but hey good , so does he. \i am trying to stop. Going to need and about to bubble it out. i get puffy nlidtery eyes and look like sh*t..well this week I have cried every single night and even at my little part time job, which \is actually think is fab..could not contain it..I had to rush to the lu....then cry. but crying had to be a good thing,....
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Hi Daftydil,
I know it's been hard for you but you have to pull yourself together for both your and your childrens' sake. You have to find strength somewhere to break this vicious circle you found yourself into. It seems to me that you start taking care of things and just break at some point.
How old are your children? Think of them, they need you and yes, they feel everything. If you don't get well, you will lose your children and their lives will be totally ruined. Don't do this to them. Find the strength for them or they will end up like you when they grow up because they too will have no one to turn to.
These years are crucial to them and all they need is a caring parent.
Please, pull yourself together, make your partner leave and yes, things will get easier for you. Is he your children's father?
I know it's been hard for you but you have to pull yourself together for both your and your childrens' sake. You have to find strength somewhere to break this vicious circle you found yourself into. It seems to me that you start taking care of things and just break at some point.
How old are your children? Think of them, they need you and yes, they feel everything. If you don't get well, you will lose your children and their lives will be totally ruined. Don't do this to them. Find the strength for them or they will end up like you when they grow up because they too will have no one to turn to.
These years are crucial to them and all they need is a caring parent.
Please, pull yourself together, make your partner leave and yes, things will get easier for you. Is he your children's father?
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I know your right. But theres more to it than thta. Id ont thinkIll ever be 110percent me. I cant trust anyone at the moment ..I know it sounds silly but getting mu ch help from this site....My partnerwell hes a maipulative so and so...You wuoldnt understand ( and obviously you dot) My partner has done many horid things to me....but we live in rented accomodation and have both signed the lease.So he has as much right to be here as I do.
He has asked me and believe me If he was going to batter me again, I did not want to feel the pain, or if he was going to cut me, as in say something horrible again, I didnt want to feel it....and much more.
At the moment hes asked me to sign a responsibilities agreement...and that is the only way he will leave. I personally dont think he deserves it, but however, if my children want to see there daddy and he is available , than id like that so/ However, he all the lasty 12 yrs haas worked shifts.I noe have a small part time job as my younger daughter is in P2 and so can work a couple of hours ebveryday, which iss a god send as otherwise there would be no food. or anything.. I f I dont ssign these papers , and i get him out by an interdict report, he can take me to court regarding the above issues. I love my children and I cant pull myself together because I love them so much and as I went through sh*t myself as a child...like you wouldnt believe...I did not want for this ever. So pls I know you are trying to help , and sometimes harsh words are needed, but I am managing to get better than before.....just had the odd night and probably as I am on thias withdrawal stuff.....its not helped but heightened my intoxication episodes. Pleases dont judge me.I am not a bad mum...not as good a mum as I could be ( I agree) But I am and I will get better.
He has asked me and believe me If he was going to batter me again, I did not want to feel the pain, or if he was going to cut me, as in say something horrible again, I didnt want to feel it....and much more.
At the moment hes asked me to sign a responsibilities agreement...and that is the only way he will leave. I personally dont think he deserves it, but however, if my children want to see there daddy and he is available , than id like that so/ However, he all the lasty 12 yrs haas worked shifts.I noe have a small part time job as my younger daughter is in P2 and so can work a couple of hours ebveryday, which iss a god send as otherwise there would be no food. or anything.. I f I dont ssign these papers , and i get him out by an interdict report, he can take me to court regarding the above issues. I love my children and I cant pull myself together because I love them so much and as I went through sh*t myself as a child...like you wouldnt believe...I did not want for this ever. So pls I know you are trying to help , and sometimes harsh words are needed, but I am managing to get better than before.....just had the odd night and probably as I am on thias withdrawal stuff.....its not helped but heightened my intoxication episodes. Pleases dont judge me.I am not a bad mum...not as good a mum as I could be ( I agree) But I am and I will get better.
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I agree with Jenny's post. You are definitely in a hard situation but you have to be strong. I know that when you have anxiety that it feels like you can't stay strong and that you're weak and you can't pull yourself out of the situation, but believe me. You are not given anything that you cannot handle, and I know that you can handle this. Do you have other people you can talk to? I know that you mentioned talking to friends from uni the other day, which was really helpful for you. I hope that you can.
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yeahJenny has a point- wouldnt be surprise if it were an old school mat eeither. But, Ihave my mum and anothr old school mate, who has been through much herslef..I am in so much confusion..and I hate when he laughs..I hate how he can laugh when at the end of the day, its a lfe long chnage not just btwn me and him, but for my children,.Once a dysfunctional family is there..so much else can go on. I need to put this here, because thisis something I was trying to discuss with my Gp, but could not make it clear.\
Right, I too am from a dysfunctional family ( oh amn like a geriatric i repeat my story) but....my dad who was a self employed designer ( who also used that issue to get out of paying maintenance, yet who I adored) had a girfrine. Now, shed baby sit...huh , what a joke, shed tkae me to her so called mates houses and sleep about . Meanwhile my dad was busy trying to gyget his life together. Thats what I mean about the damage that can be doneoutwith the mothers eye and protection.
I dont mean to be horrid to you Jenny either. i totally agree, I need to pull myself together, its true though ..its a death and a death that doesnt seem to exist which makes me scream with fear for my mental health1
the thing is, now I am worried I amgoign to get withdrawal from taking librium..anxious becuase of his behaviour and desperate because...acht I dont know. Look i am not that weak..if e carries on this torment..Ill just take this housing application form and ahnd it in,my husing officer knows I feel threatened. And little do you know of what else hes done , but believe me I want my boobs cut off, cause I hate pervs and I dont want torisk dying young so not to protect my kdis, and secodly to be stiched up because I hate whats that thing ...oh yeah..appparently its called sex..Pfff..yeah righ t who consented to it..I thought it took 2 to tango.
Anyway, yeah Ill get better by ..like Jenny has said being strong. i cant stop the tears regardless of whether idrink or not I cant stop the shkes either, and yer ff so what i am an over anxious person ( theres many of us0 no big deal ...but I will have the of night where I simply cant move, cant do. O n the other side of the coin , my children are always cean , well as children can be for the 5 nis after a shower or bath ( hey they are allowed to have fun and roll about in mud are they not?) and secondly Ive never neglected their needs. the other thing I wish to say is this...form an early age I thought my mum hated me..I thought I was the cause of all her unhappiness. now i realise and am reassured by her htat that is not hte case, My mum was loving in my later yrs but I always felt sshe favoured my sister over me and my dad tried to protect me form that..its true in away..My mum was very ill when she had me ,,and i t sort of jumped back in my face when she had an op and I bought a stupid magazine..ididnt ebenr read theheadlines but f888ck it had sex issues all overit and shed had a hysterectomy , hence why my mumws upset. ididint even realise, ithought iwas only giving er something to take her mind of things, i cried all the way home that night Icouldnt get that look out my head ( sheer dissaproval) i love my mum ..and I never wnated to hurt her..but that look just reminded me of everything. yeah, Ill pfff Pull myself together, I amtrying har. and i willl get ther believe me..No one can hurt me ever agiain Ive said that before too but no Ive snapped now,,and that sit for me ..No more bullying thank you very nuch!!!
Right, I too am from a dysfunctional family ( oh amn like a geriatric i repeat my story) but....my dad who was a self employed designer ( who also used that issue to get out of paying maintenance, yet who I adored) had a girfrine. Now, shed baby sit...huh , what a joke, shed tkae me to her so called mates houses and sleep about . Meanwhile my dad was busy trying to gyget his life together. Thats what I mean about the damage that can be doneoutwith the mothers eye and protection.
I dont mean to be horrid to you Jenny either. i totally agree, I need to pull myself together, its true though ..its a death and a death that doesnt seem to exist which makes me scream with fear for my mental health1
the thing is, now I am worried I amgoign to get withdrawal from taking librium..anxious becuase of his behaviour and desperate because...acht I dont know. Look i am not that weak..if e carries on this torment..Ill just take this housing application form and ahnd it in,my husing officer knows I feel threatened. And little do you know of what else hes done , but believe me I want my boobs cut off, cause I hate pervs and I dont want torisk dying young so not to protect my kdis, and secodly to be stiched up because I hate whats that thing ...oh yeah..appparently its called sex..Pfff..yeah righ t who consented to it..I thought it took 2 to tango.
Anyway, yeah Ill get better by ..like Jenny has said being strong. i cant stop the tears regardless of whether idrink or not I cant stop the shkes either, and yer ff so what i am an over anxious person ( theres many of us0 no big deal ...but I will have the of night where I simply cant move, cant do. O n the other side of the coin , my children are always cean , well as children can be for the 5 nis after a shower or bath ( hey they are allowed to have fun and roll about in mud are they not?) and secondly Ive never neglected their needs. the other thing I wish to say is this...form an early age I thought my mum hated me..I thought I was the cause of all her unhappiness. now i realise and am reassured by her htat that is not hte case, My mum was loving in my later yrs but I always felt sshe favoured my sister over me and my dad tried to protect me form that..its true in away..My mum was very ill when she had me ,,and i t sort of jumped back in my face when she had an op and I bought a stupid magazine..ididnt ebenr read theheadlines but f888ck it had sex issues all overit and shed had a hysterectomy , hence why my mumws upset. ididint even realise, ithought iwas only giving er something to take her mind of things, i cried all the way home that night Icouldnt get that look out my head ( sheer dissaproval) i love my mum ..and I never wnated to hurt her..but that look just reminded me of everything. yeah, Ill pfff Pull myself together, I amtrying har. and i willl get ther believe me..No one can hurt me ever agiain Ive said that before too but no Ive snapped now,,and that sit for me ..No more bullying thank you very nuch!!!
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My partner-now named Bismark, well hes selected ONLY6 pages out of this act and nothe full 16 pages ( for me to sign) No wonder I didnt understand my lawyer when he said it wouldnt make a jot of difference. If I were to sign all 16 pages Id be fine, but these selcted pages ...well if I were to sign them..Id be giving my children away. What a ,ess!!! Ill really need to keep everyone informed of whatever paperwork he flings at me.This is ridiculous...and feeling awful!!!!! Also, not sure if he can legally selct bits of the act-I am sure he cannot!!! Ill be back to my lawyers to check this out!!!!!
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