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There was NOT any actual drinking in that house, but there was a SUDDEN compulsion I got, and the "classic short-circuit" of your decision making brain, and I took a cab and went to the club on base. I remember a few things in the beginning, and then I woke up and found myself in hospital-I had gone through the transition of "black out but awake" sequence, which is accompanied by zero short to long term, and an utterly non-existent "decision making center"; in other words, one is essentially a ticking time bomb. I caused a commotion, and I think maybe the security or something came to speak to me, but I wasn't very cooperative, and they called the cops, and they struggled hard to subdue me, and somewhere along I fell asleep or something, and perhaps it was then they took me to hospital., where I woke up and had a RUDE SHOCK!!! it was dejavu all over and I felt extremely bad after I had done so well for all that time, at well over an year long. I had an appointment with the ADAPT office, and they said that I never stoped drinking and had been drinking all along to have ended up the way I did. This is a trained Psychologist or something like that, and I didn't even bother much to deny or anything of the sort because their minds were set. And they were DEAD wrong. I had not drank for 14 full months. Essentially, even after all that time had elapsed, it was as though I never skipped a bit once I got into the alcohol. consumption that evening.
Clearly , even if I went back to that team's ADAPT again, it would likely be useless, as they have distrust, as much as I have reservation of the competence as far as cognizance of those "scenarios" , one of which was the fact I got into trouble that night, and they didn't bother to address any other angles of interpretation.
Personally, the alcohol triggers in my body a certain sensation that leaves me chasing it, because during sobriety, no matter what way I tried, after seeing a psychiatrist, a psychologist, that one year ADAPT class, an actual Drug Rehab in-patient treatment, etc. The relapses erase all of those measures like they never were. Until this day, I haven't been able to feel that joy outside of drinking, and the relapses are simply what you would term as "breaknig point". There is a part of my brain's reward center or something of the sort that i have not succeeded to replicate to this day without the substance intake.
Essnetially speaking, for all the people who are saying A and B is Bad for you, jus stop drinking is USELESS my mind. I have almost two decades of just about every possible therapy, counselling, or whatever is available currently and its just not working.
There is SOMETHING iN THE GENES that iat least PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE and I will give you a story to explain why.
Over the years, my I have seen my Dad take a bottle or two, or come home after one or two of the same with no issues. A few years into my drinking when I kept on getting into trouble, I was talking with my mum, and this is what she said verbatim; "your Dad actually went through everything you have just described when he was younger, and that was the VERY FIRST time I knew that my Dad had any nexus with alcoholism. . I absolutely love speed and turbo rush, and so I purchased a Subaru STI and turned into a Weapon of Road Destruction, and generally I felt so happy with that sensation, that I still miss it. My Dad passed away a little over an year ago, and one of his students came to the funeral service 50 years aftermy Dad taught him in High School , and this upon reading the obituary .He introduced himself at the funeral and we had some really motivating conversation, in light of the sombre mood of the occasion, and indeed celebrating a life is a good way of navigating those tough times. Guess what he told me, and I had NEVER heard it before? My Dad used to be an amateur Rally Driver, precisely at the age range that I was modifying my vehicle and getting so excited from the adrenaline! Last week, I was posting in a forum and entry to point out to, expecially parents raising kids, and particularly high school students or junior University Student,the problem with learning technical sciences, of which the root cause is an attempt to teach it "conversationally" as though it were history. I gave them a simple methodology of simplification and visualizatio" in the hope it will help get rhrough the Technical Sciences with pride, in cases where, he might have dreaded those very subjects absent of proper methodology. After making the posting, I remembered that my Dad, right before retirement as a Professor, was researching "Teaching Science Education In An African Context" Again, that was a coincidental parallel with my Dad. The fact that it coincided with another 3 or so activities that my Dad and I had gone through at the very same phases, and without me knowing my Dad had the same issues. The alcoholism is thus at least partially genetic. Additionally, about 79$ of my Dad's male clan members are all alcoholics.
A person who would try to work with such an addictive mind fella, would perhaps make a better use of their time to figure out a method of counteractive that elusive moment of joy that leaves us struggling a lot through life.
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Thank you for posting this. I was thinking the same exact thing. She was curious why blackouts were happening. (Why I also stumbled on this site with the same question.) You couldn’t have described it better. People will tell me they didn’t even know I was drunk and acting normal and I was completely blacked out. I did some research and I did find it could be drinking to fast even if it’s only two drinks, a sudden spike in blood pressure, and of course always the amount. Hope this helps!
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I agree that there is a full blown alcoholic and some who occasionally abuses alcohol, especially in the form of blackouts. But, I highly recommend you listen to Andrew Huberman’s podcast or YouTube video on Alcohol.
He mentions that those people who are prone to blackouts are more likely to develop alcoholism. This doesn’t mean that will happen, but he does explain how dangerous and damaging it can be to the body. Especially, if you are a regular drinker (drinking weekly).
I also started drinking at 13. I am 40 and have quit drinking multiple times. I always feel better when I’m alcohol free, but as you said, I also like to use it as a way to relax and enjoy.
However, I think the discussion should be related more to her health and personal safety. If you’re blacking out every time you drink, you might want to consider stopping.
If anything, listen to his podcast. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
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