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For this to make the most sense I will have to give some backgound information.

I am in a relationship which has been strong for 7 years, I have 2 biological children and 1 adopted child (from my partners previous marriage). I love her and my fam ily more than anything and will do anything to make them happy and keep the family together.

When my parter was pregnant with my first biological child (about 4 years ago) I went to a friends birthday party barbeque, I was drinking quite heavily but this was nothing new to me as prior to my relationship I was a regular social drinker - no problems. I was the most sober at the party and as such I was in control of the cooking. I remember going to the toilet at about 10:30 pm and that is the end of my memory for the night, I woke the following morning in a police cell having commited a crime - I don't wish to disclose what here, needless to say this is completely out of carachter for me as I am a respectible person with a good job and fantastic lifestyle.

I found out 6 months later that I had falle down the stairs after going to the toilet and passed out, I had vomited all over his house and after being passed out on his sofa for a number of hours I insisted on leaving and going home - I had no money and no intention of taking any transport and it was 15 miles to my home. As you know I never got there.

This was my first blackout, prior to this I had been drunk and had patchy memory but always been in control of my body and self, with just bits and peices missing maybe a conversation or something which I considered normal.

Fast forward to two/three years ago I went on a works training course for a week, on the third day me and a colleague decided to drink a full crate of beer and a bottle of whisky, I saw no problem with this as after the incedent above I had never done anything and put this down to a freak occurrance never to happen again. I remember untill about 1-2 in the morning being in the bar playing poker and being very loud. but my memory stops there. I then came to and was in the act of having sex with a woman I had never seen before, I had never looked at or spoken to her prior to this. I stopped immediately got dressed and apologised stating I shouldn't be doing this I have a family. I did the worst thing ever after that and failed to tell my partner as I was scared I would lose her.

I want to point out that when I say I came to above, it is as if I had woken from a deep sleep, almost as if I had been sleep walking.

Following this I restricte my alcohol intake for fear of it happening again, I would drink one alcoholic drink followed by a soft drink on a night out, over time I rebuilt my self confidence in my ability to consume alcohol. When nine months later I went on a night out and let my inhibitions go and let myself get drunk, I blacked out and when I cam to I was kissing a girl again I had never met her or seen her previously. Again I stopped immediately and went home and said nothing again for fear of losing her.

Again I felt I couldn't stop drinking as she would know something was wrong, so I limited it and carried on as before, needless to say my confidence grew with alcohol and I suffered numerous more blackouts, each of which was scary but there were no more instances of unfaithfulness, for which I am grateful for.

Following this my partner and I have had another baby together and are planning on getting married next year as we are/were happy. We were talking recently and I came clean about it all. She doesn't beleive that the blackout are real or that I want to be with her, but she really is my world and I have never even thought of another woman consiously whilst drunk or sober.

I have commited now to being teetotal despite nothing happening in the last two years whils in a blackout state. I have made other changes to try to save my relationship, but I fear everything is over. I want to know is there something wrong with me caused by the fall down the stairs when the first blackout occured or is it all alcohol related.

I would like to point out I am not an alcoholic, in the last 7 years I have probably only been out about 10 times a year, and never drank much at home. Giving up alcohol is not a problem for me, but I am worried it is highlighting either brain damage or some mental issues.

Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you


A 170 pound male can become inebriated on 3 12oz. beers. A women of the same stature can be intoxicated on 2.
Blackouts are called alcohlic amnesia, because in the blackout phase, the person may not function correctly and will possibly not remember a thing from the nite before.
Alcholic amnesia has been studied a bit more closely and it has been discovered that it seems to affect a social drinker more so than an everyday drinker. But in more cases it is shown that an alcoholic suffers from alcoholic amnesia as well.
Tho the episode will confuse the drinker, he/she does not loose consciousness. One can engadge in a wide range of activities such as driving, playing golf, or having sexual intercourse, possibly with a total stranger.
Alcohol is a potent amnestic agent and starting with 1 or 2 drinks it can produce detectable memory impairments.

You obviously suffer from this impairment and it's probably a good idea not to let yourself get to the point of no return. Now you know your limits. It's fine to go out and have a drink, then maybe a pop or a water, then another drink and so forth. Make sure have a full stomach before to start to drink. Better yet, don't drink at all.
Your partner sounds skeptical, and it does sound strange to some one who doesn't know much about it. I know you are not an alcoholic, but take her to a meeting and pose the question to the moderator. "Can you blakout and not remember a thing after?"
The moderator will be able to tell the both of you just how alcohlic amnesia works and she will better understand your plight.


Hi Simon. I know that you say that you're not an alcoholic and I respect what you are saying, but the definition of an alcoholic is not a person who drinks alcohol continually. An alcoholic is a person who cannot control himself around alcohol, and it sounds to me like you do have difficulty with that. If you want my advice as someone who has two family members who are lifelong alcoholics, you are better off staying away from alcohol altogether. What do you think?


Im afraid i disagree with you healthnfitnessguy. An alcoholic is not someone who can not control themselves around drink. That is simply an id**t like most of us are after a few drinks and want to keep going. With your logic a person can drink once a year and each time they drink they just drink tooo much being that they cant control themselves. Id say thats just being more inexperianced. Being an alcoholic is an individual who feels they have a dependancy on alcohol and feels they need it not that they simply want it.


Ok break this down prior to the fall you drank so much that you fell down and were u aware u had fallen or had you blacked out prior to falling , also in blackout stage you almost committed adultery how far you went you don't remember , yes / no - be honest with yourself , what was the need to try & explain to your partner , also have you ever heard of dry drunk , read up on it , your stepping on dangerous grounds especially with black outs , alchol and you don't mix , it's dangerous , you have to wake up - see your doctor have a MRI done rule out the head injury - then tackle the alchol - get back with your partner and leave the past behind and look forward to the future and live in the present ! Good luck friend