I fell in love with a much older woman.

My husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had suffered a divorce and some depression three years prior to meeting this young white boy. I’m Latina, so forgive the word usage. At the time, I was 42, and he had just turned 18 and was finishing high school. He is so handsome and so sexy that I immediately fell in love with him. The sex was amazing and still is, as we have lots and lots of it. After dating for just two months was when we got married. He is not just better than my bastard of an ex-husband, but the perfect man for me. I don’t care if I’m old enough to be his mom. He makes me feel happy and loved. We’ve been married for 16 years now, I’m 58 and he’s 34. I’m now a mother of twelve kids. We have five of our own kids plus three from my previous marriage plus four we decided to adopt because I can’t give birth anymore. My young man loves being a father, and I love being his wife. I love him and all of my kids very much.

I want to reply to this as the "older woman". ... I have been the "older woman" in all my romantic relationships for the past 40+ years. There is so much more to this than "does this younger man really love me?" Also, the "age gap". When I was 30 and dated a man 25, the gap was barely noticed. Not by actions nor looks. I thought very little about the "gap". Then I met someone that I felt a strong connection to, we just connected on so many levels, he was 18 almost 19yr old. He was very mature and when we were alone the "gap" never occupied my thoughts. Then I met his parents. We were going on a hunting trip in the colder part of my state during Christmas weekend. His mom backed a complete turkey for us and another couple that was in his age group. We was taking it with us. I thought that was so cool. when he introduced me to his parents, I saw a look on his mothers face. Not like she disapproved but more like she was surprised to see I looked closer to her age than I did his age. He did not tell her about the "gap" She was 16 when she gave birth. I was 12 years older than her son. that only 4 years difference. I felt old for the rest the evening. Then the next day i met the other couple we were going with, they were 22 and 20 yrs old and kinda acted like teenagers, I aged a bit more when we was hanging with them. And my date started acting less mature around them. They did nothing wrong and were great young people, but I developed a complex about the "gap". AND I looked young for 30. I just focused too much on the "gap" I kinda broke it off telling him I was too old for him. He should date younger ladies. the next 35 years I was in 2 long term relationships one for almost 10 years he was 4 years younger and one for 24 years he was 5 years younger and now single meeting guys in social media,not a dating site, but a chat site. I felt very odd meeting guys in their 40's telling me "age is just a number"...They complement me by telling me I don't look nor act my age. There have been a couple guys that wanted to pursue a commitment, I can't get past the "gap" we connect on all levels but the age. Telling me that my age does not matter to them, does not create a sense of security. I am so afraid. I don't want them to ever feel a resentment towards me. I don't want them to ever feel that dating me, My Age, was a mistake because they will see the 40 year old woman with less smile lines on her face and no gobbler on her neck and have a physical craving for her. The 20 year "gap" when you are 40 and 30 or 50 and 30 is not as large as when you are 60 and 40. My complex is so strong no matter how well we connect. I can't commit no matter what they say to easy my complex.