Hi all,

This forum has been an absolute lifesaver. I fortunately only was on the pill for about 2 years. I never got my period before that time period for a good year because I worked out so heavily. My doctor still gave me the pill to mask the hormonal issues. The first pill I was on for about a year, and then I switched to Apri due to getting my period for 2 week intervals. Apri made me very emotional. If I got stressed out at work (mind you I work in a cube all day crunching numbers) I would start tearing up. I never was like that, and it was embarrassing when coworkers would come up to me and realize I had tears in my eyes.

After 1 year on apri, I had enough and no longer wanted to put chemicals in my body. My gyno warned me that my issues beforehand would not go away, and I did not care. So far, I have been off of apri for about 2 months and change. The first month I was ok, but  after that I started to have crazy, irrational doubts about my boyfriend and our relarionship. Doubting my attraction to him, his manliness, how much fun I have with him when I go out, e.t.c. It has been absolutely debilitating. Last week I broke down to him and started crying uncontrollably. I have no history of depression or anxiety, but felt it immensely. I love him, but my head tries to tell me that he is not good for me. We were just planning to move in and spend our lIves together. At work, It has been all I ever think about. Literally the entire day to the point where i didnt even care if i lost my job.I have not had a break.  Lost my appetite, stopped enjoying the gym (mind you I go every morning before work, but have lessened the intensity a lot to try and help my body cope) and even could not manage to study an ounce anymore for my graduate school admissions test.

After reading various posts, I realize that I am not alone in these thoughts. I have gotten a lot of closure in knowing that things get a lot better, but part of me has this intense anxiety lingering, like a fog, that these feelings for my boyfriend won't return ever. It upsets me a lot, but I still want to hang out with him and do things I always did with him. More so like facing a fear I guess. I've managed to start going back to the gym and my appetite is back. Also, work is a little bit more managable. Seems that this episode coincides with when I should be menstruating.

Sorry for the long winded story, but sometimes it helps to get this out. Good luck to everyone!