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Does anyone happen to have an advice on this?

I'm Jake, I'm 25 years old, I hate the way I'm depressed all of the time but I can't seem to fight this, I kind of made peace with the fact that I'm forever going to be like this. Yes, I know that this is a completely wrong way to think about this but I can't snap out of it.

What I wanted to ask you is for an advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship when you are depressed. I've been having some problems with this so I really need someone's help.

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When you’re depressed, you can’t access feelings of self-love. And since the love you feel for others is a reflection of the love you feel for yourself, this is why you feel disconnected. It’s not like you don’t have all the feelings in you; you just can’t feel them right now. And this can be a problem in a relationship. One day you’re connected to yourself, and therefore your partner too, and the next day you don’t feel connected to anything.When you’re depressed, you misread situations; you perceive others as being critical of you. But what you’re seeing is a reflection of what you’re thinking about yourself. It’s you that’s being critical of you. Not them being critical of you.

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This is a hard one, Jake. If you ever get an answer to this question, I would love it if you would share it with me.

I've been stuck with depression for the last two years. It is my prison, my cage, I know that I am the one holding the key but I don't know which one is it, and I think that even if I did, I wouldn't be able to open the lock.

I totally gave up from dating because my depression ruined every single relationship I've had. So please, if you figure this one out, help me out as well.
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Common trust and common understanding of you and your partner is the best solution ever. There is nothing better than this. If you are having a partner who loves you, supports you and understands you, I am sure that you really don't need to worry that something is going to be bad about your relationship. 

I understand that when you are depressed you don't even love yourself, but you need to try to be calm and I know how hard is this, because I was depressed all the time and I do know what means to maintain a healthy relationship. 

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It has happened to me a lot of times before. It is true that depression can affect relationship and sex life a lot! Actually, it can change it a lot. Frankly, it's really hard to stay calm and confident when the person you love most is acting strangely and appears to be so unhappy and I do know this, but you need to try. For both of you. So if you're finding your partner's depression a real pain, try to show a heart from the fact that this is natural, though difficult. But you have to be there as his or hers biggest support.

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I know what to tell you when your partner is depressed because when I was depressed my partner really helped me a lot. He understood me in this situation and he didn't want to leave me alone at all. It is very important to understand a couple of things about this. For example: 

  • Do not keep saying that you understand what your partner is going through. You don't! Trust me, none can understand when someone is depressed if you are OK.  Instead say: 'I can't know exactly how you're feeling, but I am trying very hard to understand and help.'
  • Also, you should try to remember that any loss of interest in sex is probably not personal, but connected with the illness. The fact is that many depressed people lose their libido.
  • Also, don't disappear. Show that person that you are there. Always. 

Good luck!

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Dear Guest, I see that you have the same problem like I do. And yes - it is really, really hard. It is exactly like you wrote - like you are in your own, personal cage and you don't know how to get out of it. But tell me, have you ever considered to do something nice for yourself? No? Well, me neither. Until my really good friend told me that I should do something really good for myself. So I told my gf that I am in really bad stadium of my life and that I really need to be alone for a while. She understood me and she paid a trip to some cabin in the woods for me. I was alone, and that was not nice but I was away from the people and I believe that this is exactly what I needed. Then I knew it that she is the one...

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Well dear Guest, you had an amazing luck with that girl and I am really glad for you. But there are so many people who couldn't deal with depression and they left their partners. So, finding a girl like you did is really rare. In this case it is very important for you to know that this kind of your illness will go away and that you will need someone around you when this all is over. You need to know that you are going to be same person underneath that depression. Also, why don't you suggest to your partner to exercise together? That is good idea and I think that you should try it.
Good luck!
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