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Do you automatically give to everyone, or automatically withhold your giving from fear of being used? Learn the art of discernment regarding your intent and others' intent.

What if you and everyone you met were focused on how you can give to the other person - how you can help them and support them in their highest good? Can you imagine what life would be like if EVERYONE were like this? How fun and fulfilling would that be?!

I think it's sad that life doesn't work that way. While you might be focused on giving to yourself and others, too many people are focused on what they can get, or on giving to get. This creates lopsided relationships where one person gives and the other takes, and neither ends up feeling happy about it.

There is such joy in giving to someone who joyfully receives - not takes - with an open heart, and who also joyfully gives with no agenda. When you are giving to get, there is always an agenda attached, and your good feeling is not about the deep joy of giving and sharing, but is the momentary pleasure of getting what you think you need and want.

If everyone were focused on giving for the joy of it rather than on taking or giving to get with an agenda attached, then we would not have to be discerning about who we give to. But since this is not the way it is, we do need to discern regarding our own intent and another's intent.

The Art of Discernment - Your Own Intent

Sometimes you know that you are connected with yourself and your Guidance and you are so filled with love that you want to share it. When this is the case, you feel great joy and delight in giving to others who are open to sharing and receiving. But at other times, it is vitally important for you to be honest with yourself regarding your intent, and you might want to ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I feeling full of love or empty and needy right now?
  • Am I focused on giving and sharing, or on getting something?
  • If I'm focused on getting something, what am I trying to get?
    • Love
    • Attention
    • Connection
    • Approval
    • Caring
    • Understanding
    • Compassion
    • Acceptance
    • Validation
    • Openness from the other person
    • Time
    • Money
    • A material thing
    • Other

It's not that it's wrong to want any of these. The problem comes in when you believe that this is what you need to feel happy, fulfilled, worthy, and/or safe. When you believe that you need something external to you to feel joyful and fulfilled, then your giving is a form of control to try to get what you think you need.

So, be honest with yourself about your intent!

The Art of Discernment - Another's Intent

Being a naturally giving person, I used to give and give to everyone. I still do, but in a different way than before I started to trust my ability to discern another's intent. I still give my compassion and acceptance to everyone, but I no longer give much time to others (other than my clients) when I experience them as being closed, empty, needy, disconnected. I no longer expect that judgmental people will become accepting, that takers will become givers, that aloof, withholding people will become friendly and forthcoming, that protected people will become open and authentic.

While I choose to keep my heart open to everyone, I no longer put myself in the position of being used by another, as I did in the past. Now, I trust the energy I'm picking up and when I don't experience open, friendly, authentically caring energy, I move on. When you start to trust your feelings and your Guidance - especially your feeling of loneliness around another - you will discover how easy it is to discern another's intent.

With discernment, you can find those people with whom you can share the joy of giving!