How do I break off my long distance relationship? Is there any good way to do it?
Although my fiance is a great guy who treats me like a princess, he's just not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We had a world-wind courtship and got engaged at the end of my four month trip to Africa. I loved him and didn't want to be without him. But the more I think about it, we're just too different.
- I'm Christian, he's Muslim. I'd like to raise the children exposed to both, he'd like to raise them Muslim. I would like my girls to wear hijab if they choose to after puberty. He wants our little girls to wear hijab.
- I'm a social media marketer and he just learned to send emails
- I love the Arts, especially music, and he's never been to a concert, and has no concept of the Arts... If a guy in the US or UK won't sit through an opera, he won't even go!
- He's really possessive, which I know is cultural, but I'm not sure he'll shake if he comes here or if I join him there. He lectures me which I HATE! You're not my father, ugh!
- He's extremely conservative and I'm decidedly liberal... He says things like, "you won't wear this when we get married." And I say, "Yes, I will. Don't tell me what do." Some of my best friends are gay and he doesn't believe being gay is "real"
- I'm an intellectual and he's not. I love politics and he doesn't engage in the political discourse in his country much the US or UK
- Gender and domestic roles are pretty finite in his head; domestic & gender roles blurred in my mind. I'm not cooking and cleaning all the time and there is nothing wrong with a house husband.
- He doesn't understand American or British humor, which means he doesn't understand my jokes! Yikes! An entire marriage without humor is pretty sad!
- I love to go out and enjoy myself; My two best friends are married and their husbands join us for group Happy Hour; He does not drink or go out at all. The one time I drank in front of him (two very small glasses of red wine diluted with Sprite), he took my glass and told me I was drunk! I do get drunk but I wasn't even tipsy. I'd hate for him to see me really drunk!
- He's a small town (village) guy with no worldly sensibilities; I'm a globe trekker and a jet-setter!
Basically, we both went into this knowing that we're different people but I think that he thinks I will change. Culturally, that's what women do in his country. You change your religion to fit your husband's. You do everything for your husband. It would be shameful for a married woman, to go out for drinks with her friends or to do anything at night without her husband even then, no one does that. Men go out to the bar with their mistresses.
At the same time he's thoughtful, attentive and caring. He'll do anything for me. He's been doing favors for people I know in Africa on account that they know me. He's very generous with him time and his money. Anything he has is not just his, it's ours. While lecturing/nagging, he's never raised his voice and is very gentle in disposition. He loves me to death and tells me all the time.
All of those are qualities I want in a life mate but I'd also love for us to be really good friends, if not best friends! How do you let down a great guy, who is just not YOUR great guy? Has anyone gone through something similar?
I don't know how to begin this knowing I'll break his heart!
Honey u got to do what's best for you and him. You can't just drag him along cause you can't find a way to say things to him. If I were in your place I would say what is in your heart or maybe things just are not working out say what u just said in the post say he is a great guy its just not you ur a great guy just I am not in love with you like I thought. It will work out okay! Just tell him what's in your heart! He will understand