My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. In the beginning we discussed having kids and he said he wanted them but not yet. Which I could understand at that point. He had just gone through a bad divorce and we were just starting out. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship and he has been amazing with them. He knew then, as he knows now, that I still want another child. He'd said he only wanted 1, maybe 2. I can compromise on how many we have, but I can't compromise between wanting and not wanting. Someone always loses in that fight. We've talked about it many times during our relationship and it was always 'not yet'. I'd told him I wanted all my kids before I turned 30 but by the time I turned 30 he still wasn't ready so changed my mind and said 32. Well, in order to keep it in that timeline we need to start trying this month. I brought it up a few weeks ago and he says he doesn't think he even wants kids now. My kids are 12 and 9. I never wanted to have such a big age difference between kids but circumstances interfered and now I don't know if I will ever get to have another child. My partner's mother passed away a few months ago and I know he is still dealing with everything that comes with that. But just after she passed we had talked about naming the baby after her if we had a girl. I'm just really confused and hurt because he changed his mind after all this time and now my kids are attached to him and it would be harder for me to leave now. My son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and has severe separation anxiety. Leaving my relationship would completely disrupt my son's life. On top of all that I know he didn't lie about wanting kids before because I know he had tried to have kids with his ex. I've asked him for valid reasons why he doesn't want them now and he says he doesn't know. I'm not asking for a solution because I know no one can give me that. I'm just asking for opinions and insight from someone who may have been through something like this.