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I cannot remember how much problems my parents had with me when I was a teenager but I somehow have the feeling it was much less than what I am experiencing with my 14 year old daughter. She just doesn’t want to clean her room anymore and that is just the beginning of the problems. It looks like she does not want to speak to either of us! I am just so clueless…

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Kids in that age do tend to start exploring the emotional world that surrounds them and their perception of it might have different forms. One of those includes the change in the behavior toward parents, which is of course hard and not understandable for parents. So, I guess that at one moment, you will have to talk to her and try to make her realize that she will always have a big help in you and that there is no reason for her to act like a stranger in her home.
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If your daughter does not want to clean her room, so be it. That is her space and if she prefers to live in the clutter, so what.
Just close her door so you don't have to look at it.
The only stipulation is that she has got to bring out any dirty dishes. After a while you'll attract some undesireables.

Kids at that age all of a sudden develope these huge attitudes. They like to just about live in their (dirty) rooms, and barely grunt at mom and dad in passing. It's normal. If she starts getting nasty and becomes obnoxious to you or family members, it would be time for a "sit down".

Just watch with quiet curiosity. Make sure she doesn't start to hang out with the wrong kids. Watch what she wears (not to revealing) and try to get to know her friends and possibly their parents. Now is the time when they try to "get away" with things. You have to be one step ahead at all times.

You mention this is just the beginning of her problems. Now is the time to notice her behavior, how is she doing in school? Watch for any signs of drug use. If you know your child, you will be able to tell.

It will get better, i promise. But you have a ways to go with her. Being a parent of a teen is exasperating, but it all works out in the end.
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