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My daughter is 16, is cutting again and completely and angrily refuses to talk about it. She's in counselling and her father and I love each other very much as we do her and her brother. What more can I do other than to let her know I'm not judging her and I will listen.

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With teens who are cutting, it is really hard to support them because they feel like everyone is against them. I think it's good that she's in counseling so that's the most important thing you can do. Beyond that, just so long as you can keep firm boundaries with her and still let her know that you're going to listen to her without judging her, there isn't much more you can do than let her recover on her own time. I hope this helps. I know that it's frustrating. Let us know how it goes.
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When I was that age (which was actually only a few years ago), I felt my world was ending at every little thing that went wrong. I started to cut, and nothing my close friends said helped me. I didn't listen to those that had experienced this. When my mother found out, she assumed I was just trying to get attention, and took me to a counselor. At first, my counselor seemed to understand, but they actually only tell the troubled what they want to hear. I continued to cut. Eventually I grew up enough to realize that this was not a productive way to relieve my anger and depression. My advice? Do not assume it is necessarily a cry for attention (although sometimes it is). Although you can tell her that you will be there for her, a teenager always thinks that their parents don't know anything. It's best to talk to one of her friends, and have her friend talk to her instead. A better alternative to help her is to get her involved in an activity that she really likes and that will keep her busy. She will come around, and things will get better.
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I think that you've provided a lot of valuable insight into what a cutter thinks so thanks for posting on this. I want to know though--how realistic or safe is it to have a friend talk to someone instead of their parents? Since you said that your closest friends didn't help you either, that makes it harder for you right? I'm also sorry to hear that your mom thought you were acting out. That is not a good reaction, as you know. Do you haev any other tips?
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healthnfitnessguy wrote:

dee1189 wrote:

When I was that age (which was actually only a few years ago), I felt my world was ending at every little thing that went wrong. I started to cut, and nothing my close friends said helped me. I didn't listen to those that had experienced this. When my mother found out, she assumed I was just trying to get attention, and took me to a counselor. At first, my counselor seemed to understand, but they actually only tell the troubled what they want to hear. I continued to cut. Eventually I grew up enough to realize that this was not a productive way to relieve my anger and depression. My advice? Do not assume it is necessarily a cry for attention (although sometimes it is). Although you can tell her that you will be there for her, a teenager always thinks that their parents don't know anything. It's best to talk to one of her friends, and have her friend talk to her instead. A better alternative to help her is to get her involved in an activity that she really likes and that will keep her busy. She will come around, and things will get better.



I think that you've provided a lot of valuable insight into what a cutter thinks so thanks for posting on this. I want to know though--how realistic or safe is it to have a friend talk to someone instead of their parents? Since you said that your closest friends didn't help you either, that makes it harder for you right? I'm also sorry to hear that your mom thought you were acting out. That is not a good reaction, as you know. Do you haev any other tips?



How realistic it is that the parents have a friend talk to their child depends on how close the parent is to the friend. My mother was pretty close to all my friends, close enough that they called her mom, so if she would have gone that route it may have worked. It won't hurt your daughter if her friends try to talk to her, especially since she will realize that they care about her once she sits down alone and reflects on her life. If you know anybody who has personally been through the same situation as your daughter that can talk to her, I would try to have them talk to her about her experiences. As a person with very few life experiences, it is always nice to hear the advice of someone who knows. I really hope you can find someone to help her. Good luck!!
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Hi dee, thanks for answering those questions. I hope you didn't feel like I was challenging you or anything. I was just curious because it sounds like a difficult thing to navigate and I was genuinely curious. Thanks for enlightening me! :-)
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Don't worry, the only way I took your questions was that of a concerned mother. Your welcome, and I'm glad that I could help in whatever way possible. It is a very sensitive and touchy subject, so of course tread lightly. Good luck, and please let me know if things get better for you and your daughter. I wish you well. :-D
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Whoops sorry about that, wasn't paying close enough attention apparently, so I thought you were the mother. The above statement is true towards the mother, and to you, I am not at all insulted or feel that you were challenging me, especially if things were not stated clearly enough. I'm just concerned about getting this information out there for those that need it, and am willing to answer any relevent questions.
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Hi dee, no, I think that what you posted was very helpful and no, I'm not the mom. I just wanted to know the answers to the question. I'm glad that you've posted on your experiences. HOw many years were you cutting?
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Hi,

Counselling is the best place for her but counsellors only tell give off positive vibes to make you feel good about yourself....It will be hard getting through to the girl to help her understand that there are people who care and want to listen to her situations/problems. Poeple cut through different reasons from family problems, arguements with family/friends, fall outs, boyfriends, death etc... I will take time for her to over come this due to its a way out of pain to a way to relieve anger/ feel alive.

 I started to self harm at 14 when I got told my dad died, which 4 years after I found out it was a lie and that he planned it all just to find out where i was living... this knocked me down and my mam hated him and me for thinking he was dead. I self harm for years due to arguements, I was the mistake child and found self harm was the only option I had. there were many more situations (dont want to boar you with them) but I still do it now and am 21... if you have friends/family who she can turn to she will feel at ease to be able to open up to them and to gradually take it down to a level where she isnt damaging herself alot this will also gradually go to the point of her stopping hopefully.

 

 

I hope that she overcomes this..

All the best

 

Danielle xx

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^ I agree. I am 13 and I cut myself very regular! My mum didn't find out until last week but I am now in counselling and it does help. If I was you I would stay strong and be yourself and let her no you love her, hope this helps xxx
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