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So 2 years ago my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It took a few times for it not to hurt as much. We started slow but never used lube. We then realized that lube was the solution. When we used any type of lube it helped drastically. We started having sex at least once or twice a day. Then he left for boot camp and we went 3 months without any intercourse. I don't masturbate either. So when he got home after 13 weeks, we had sex just like before he had left. Couple times a day was quite normal. He went away for trainings and I would see him at least once a month. The sex didn't hurt at all. A little sore getting all the way in but nothing major. Then we went 5 months without seeing each other. So obviously the first thing we did when we saw each other was have sex. It had been so long that we didn't really need the lube. It hurt a little starting out but we just kept going and didn't need it. We tried having sex the next day and it hurt soo bad. Even with the lube we couldn't do it. I couldn't handle it. This went on for a good 5 months more. We were seeing each other once a month or so. We could finish maybe once during the 3 to 4 day weekend. The rest of the time I would hurt for pretty much the whole trip. When we first started having sex my labia would get a little swollen but would go down. Even at the end of our relationship I would get extremely swollen and he couldn't touch it. He said he didn't mind that he was with me for me not for sex. But 2 weeks after I was there last I found out he was cheating. He was clean, so I know I was clean. I am pretty sure that me not being able to handle sex is a reason he found someone else. But I am now with another guy and I stopped him from going further because I didn't want to ruin yet another relationship because of this issue. I see him next week and obviously he's going to want it. I told him about the issue but I want to be able to fix it and know what's wrong. I need help. I am also soo nervous to actually tell anyone, nonetheless go to the doctors about it.

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It sounds as if you're labia is still irritated.

I want you to go to your ob/gyn and get an exam. If there is any structural defects they can identify them. It would also be a good idea to get tested for any STD's. Despite you knowing he "was clean" he did cheat on you at least once. Protect yourself first.

As for the new guy, if he loves you he'll wait for whatever it is to get better. Just because he "wants it" is no reason that he has to "get it."

Take care of yourself, let yourself heal.

Go get the exam.

Good luck and let us know how you do.
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