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I have a 12 year old son who I am frustrated with. He is ADHD and on medication. He lies to me about having homework and then when I catch him in that lie he fights with me about doing the homework. He sneaks into the kitchen and takes food and hides it in his bedroom. If he hasnt snuck the food to his bedroom, he hides the evidence under or in the furniture. We have told him over and over again that we dont care what he eats, just dont want him sneaking it. In the mornings I have to scream and hell at him to get him ready to leave for school and his grades are much lower than they have ever been. If you ask him to do anything other than watch cartoons or play video games, which have been taken away you then have a 3 hour fight on your hands before it MIGHT get done half way. Talking to this child does not work, neither does taking things away as he will sneak around and find whatever it is that you took away and spanking does nothing, dont even think he feels it. I am at a point where I want to tell himto find somewhere else to live. HELP!!!! ANY suggestions?

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It may sound like it doesn't work, but it does sometimes. try being nice to him and not yelling at him. a lot of parents don't know that there are a lot of things going on in their children's lives. especially at this age. if anything, you should try sitting down with him and talking to him about things he wants to talk about....you cant force it. He may also need help with his homework, no matter how easy something may seem, it doesn't mean that everyone understands it. so just try hanging out with him. that should work. and if he tries to push away, then YOU need to push a little harder, because no matter how it seems, especially with boys, when they push away, it usually means that they want help; they're just afraid to ask. it's the whole society forcing you to be a man and hiding your emotions thing, which everyone does. I think hes just trying to fit in and conform.
Kids also usually respond well to activities. if he does what he needs to do, reward him. take him out, do something with him, go out to eat. just have fun. but trust me, this time in his life "REALLY" is really hard and stressful. there are a lot of things running through his mind right now and he doesn't know what to do. If there is a father figure in the family...or a friend, that he seems to really like...even if it's not "the father" ask that person if he can talk to him, he might be able to relate to him and express what is bothering him.
But the best advice I can give you is JUST LOVE HIM!
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He sounds like is being a difficult adolescent (typical!). I am sure the ADHD is complicating things, but the cure for this is fair and justified discipline!

Sometimes explaining to the child that they were disciplined because they hurt your feelings gives them a sense of inflated self importance and power over you.

Speaking as a once difficult teenager with a borderline personality, I would give my parents hell, I was repeatedly beaten by older girls at school and didnt tell people.... I would alternate between being a total recluse to outbursts of arguments, lies, stealing, disobeying rules, truanting... Man, I feel so bad about it now... They don't half know it, but we still love each other very much.

Its just part of the hormonal rollercoaster that is adolescence. He will grow into a man one day, and (like me), realise the devoted, relentless care that a parent provides, the unconditional love they give dispite our teenage rebellion. there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
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Well sometimes telling a kid he cant do something makes him want to do it more like you telling him he isnt alot to eat food from thre kitchen. I surgest that you might show him the side effects of eating to much. Show him what happens when u eat to much like making a slide show of hwo fat you can get. Also if you showed him that an avrage boy is ment to eat about 2000 calies aday and then compair it to how much he is eating it might scare him into becoming fat so he might slow down.

About the behavior my brother has the same problem, my mum tells him off and takes his toys away but nothing works as he dosent care about life. I surgest if you find something he likes ALOT. I think maby finding a spot other than football. Maby somethign liek judo, sking. tramperleaning. so on ect. After you have foudn somethign he likes let him do it for a few weeks so he gets use to it and he likes it. And if he ever is bang out of oder you have somethign to threaten him with so you can take away the sport. Its like making a wepon against him XD might sound harsh but its just giving you the edge.

Hope some of this infomation helped
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Im 15 and my best friends younger brother is 13 and he has adhd too. when hes on his medication hes not too bad but Iv seen the struggles their mum has had when hs not (if your son isnt on medication you might want to see if you can get him some) I know you probably dont want to hear this from a 15 year old but why dont you try treating him like you wanted to be treated at his age, it could help, or maybe be a little bit more leniant on him it could be your trying too hard. when your 12 you want to have a messy room and your not really inclined to clean up the kitchen of take out the rubbish if thats what you want him to do, maybe if he refuses you should stop doing his washing for him or the like...it might be a bit gross but as long as you made sure he had clean undergarments he might get the notion that there are things that you do around the household that take time and that he doesnt want or wouldnt want to do. if it got really bad you could try just letting him go for 2 weeks or so....(within reason) like dont cook him dinner and dont do his washing and really dont do anything for him, make him do it himself and if he doesnt then he misses out.... In the end he will probably see that he cannot cope as well as he thinks he can without the boundaries you set for him.
I dunno just thought some insight from somone closer to your sons age might help.
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THE LAST GUY, HIS ADVICE MIGHT HELP, CAUSE IT IS TRUE WHAT HE SAID. THINK ABOUT IT! LOL.
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