Hi,
I would appreciate your opinion on issues that I have being having recently with my older sister. I am the youngest of my family there is about 9 years between my sister and I and I we have being in conflict with one another for years since I was about 19 or 20. I will not go into details about everything but I will give you a brief idea, I am engaged to be married to my boyfriend of over 4 years and she basically said to me recently that I was unhappy and it was not too late to change my mind, this is completely untrue as I have never being happier for a change. Also she calls me anorexic (which I am also not) and an alcoholic ( I have an occasional drink at the weekends) my sister has a 2 year old baby and is not with her partner and it is literally all she talks about I have being there for her and try to be supportive but she constantly throws stuff in my face it can even be a couple of minutes after I have confined in her. I am very upset with all of this because I love her and I wish I could have a proper relationship with her without all the arguing. I cant handle it anymore as its going on too long. my sister depends on my mother to do everything for her and they are very close I dont have a great relationship with my mother although we used to be close there have being issues in the past also with her. my mother condones at times my sisters behaviour because my sister has suffered from depression and anxiety she seems to want to prtect her all the time and not make her face up to her behaviour. noone seems to care about how this effects my mental health I am told to ignore her and I should know better. It is very upsetting, I would love another opinion on this,
thank you.
I would appreciate your opinion on issues that I have being having recently with my older sister. I am the youngest of my family there is about 9 years between my sister and I and I we have being in conflict with one another for years since I was about 19 or 20. I will not go into details about everything but I will give you a brief idea, I am engaged to be married to my boyfriend of over 4 years and she basically said to me recently that I was unhappy and it was not too late to change my mind, this is completely untrue as I have never being happier for a change. Also she calls me anorexic (which I am also not) and an alcoholic ( I have an occasional drink at the weekends) my sister has a 2 year old baby and is not with her partner and it is literally all she talks about I have being there for her and try to be supportive but she constantly throws stuff in my face it can even be a couple of minutes after I have confined in her. I am very upset with all of this because I love her and I wish I could have a proper relationship with her without all the arguing. I cant handle it anymore as its going on too long. my sister depends on my mother to do everything for her and they are very close I dont have a great relationship with my mother although we used to be close there have being issues in the past also with her. my mother condones at times my sisters behaviour because my sister has suffered from depression and anxiety she seems to want to prtect her all the time and not make her face up to her behaviour. noone seems to care about how this effects my mental health I am told to ignore her and I should know better. It is very upsetting, I would love another opinion on this,
thank you.
My girls are the same way. The older one always trys to "one up" the younger one. There could be a jealousy thing going on in your situation.
Your sister sounds very needy and always searching for some one to comfort her.
You need to watch what you say, if you don't want it brought back up. Still confide in her, but somehow you must leave out the "gorey" details. Who is your sister to tell you that you can still back out of your marraige plans? Did you accidently say something negative about your pending nuptuals and she ran it up the flag pole? Even the slightest negativity in a conversation, no matter how insignificant with someone like your sister can allow just enough ammunition for her to start blasting you.
All of a sudden, a mole hill turns into a mountain.
You need to get on with your marraige and be happy with your new family. Don't exclude your sister, just have a talk with her. Remind her of how much you love her, but ask her what her problem could be.
As far as the tight mother and daughter thing between your sister and your mom....forget it, you won't get far with that. Your mom fulfills your sisters neediness, and strokes her, this is what she likes.
As difficult as this is, your sister is trying to control every situation. You confide in her and she throws it in your face, that is a control issue. She is trying to control your feelings towards your wedding, she calls you names, this is a form of control. She lost control of her own so she is now trying to butt into yours.
I know you love her, but you have to draw the line someplace, keep your distance and when she comes round looking for you, mention what you are feeling. Give her the opportunity to speak. If you don't like what you hear (which you probably won't) tell her straight away. Don't sit on it and think about a good answer, you know the answer, so tell her.
Sometimes in a family situation, one member will sort of fade back for a while and become "not so available". A phone call a few times a week is
all anybody gets until things get worked out.
So do what you need to do and if your sister wants to be included and play nice, so be it, if not, you need to speak up to her and possibly your mom.
Your sister sounds very needy and always searching for some one to comfort her.
You need to watch what you say, if you don't want it brought back up. Still confide in her, but somehow you must leave out the "gorey" details. Who is your sister to tell you that you can still back out of your marraige plans? Did you accidently say something negative about your pending nuptuals and she ran it up the flag pole? Even the slightest negativity in a conversation, no matter how insignificant with someone like your sister can allow just enough ammunition for her to start blasting you.
All of a sudden, a mole hill turns into a mountain.
You need to get on with your marraige and be happy with your new family. Don't exclude your sister, just have a talk with her. Remind her of how much you love her, but ask her what her problem could be.
As far as the tight mother and daughter thing between your sister and your mom....forget it, you won't get far with that. Your mom fulfills your sisters neediness, and strokes her, this is what she likes.
As difficult as this is, your sister is trying to control every situation. You confide in her and she throws it in your face, that is a control issue. She is trying to control your feelings towards your wedding, she calls you names, this is a form of control. She lost control of her own so she is now trying to butt into yours.
I know you love her, but you have to draw the line someplace, keep your distance and when she comes round looking for you, mention what you are feeling. Give her the opportunity to speak. If you don't like what you hear (which you probably won't) tell her straight away. Don't sit on it and think about a good answer, you know the answer, so tell her.
Sometimes in a family situation, one member will sort of fade back for a while and become "not so available". A phone call a few times a week is
all anybody gets until things get worked out.
So do what you need to do and if your sister wants to be included and play nice, so be it, if not, you need to speak up to her and possibly your mom.