punishing autistic children

I found this very helpful, nick is 8 yrs old and has starting to hit others not hard but to stranger for no apparent reason. I usually reply STOP, Lately he is acting out at school, which has never been a problem . His teacher thinks it attention seeking. He has a 5 year old sister, they play ruff sometimes, hit each other then run to their room. But sometimes he become too aggressive toward her, I think he does not understand and it goes to the extreme. But we need help with this area. And he has started to hit me, and I notice spanking does not help, it only confuse him. So we sends him to his room til he calm down as punishment..

its true but my little brother has the same thing and its HORRIBLE! There must be some way that we can punish them or teach them that they need to learn to behave.

My sons break eggs on the floor all the time, its the worse one verbal, one non verbal yet two peas in a pod

By implying that NO autistic children can understand their own behavior, you are falling into the same stereotyping behavior you presumably deplore. Some can, some cant. It takes time to tell. But if he/she can understand, one is actually damaging his prospects for achieving a satisfying life. Enabling behavioral prblems is never a recipe for sucess for any child.

I respect that you're a psychologist, however I'm sure you know for many people with Autism, including myself I have Asperger's Syndrome, touch will only overstimulate them and make them feel frightened that they cannot move. There has to be another way other than holding the child until the calm down, they'll just associate wrong with "I cannot move, and I cannot move until I am good." They will try to be good all the time out of fear from being restrained and unable to access their own body.

It might be my experiences with being punished, but I relate a lot of the feeling punishment instills in me to feeling trapped like in a horror film. No child should have to fear punishment the way someone fears a man running after you with a chainsaw. When they are put in a situation where they can't do something, that just creates more fear. If they're told they can't react to stimuli that hurts them, more fear. Being punished for things you have no control over isn't just upsetting, it's terrifying. You constantly are hyper-vigilant, watching yourself so you don't do that thing again that causes people to be mad at you.

Even worse, if you don't know why you are being punished it's worse. You inhabit a sense of learned helplessness, the belief people punish me and they do so at random for reasons unknown to me and I cannot say no. In fact for many people on the Autism spectrum, they are repeatedly ignored when they say no, told that the violations of their personal boundaries are for their own good. If someone kept upsetting or hurting a child without Autism it would be called child abuse. When a child with Autism is repeatedly sent the message you don't have a right to how you experience your body, and to say no when people hurt you, it's considered learning.

I still have issues, I've been diagnosed with PTSD from regularly being gaslighted in high school by my Special Ed teachers who denied I was a victim of bullies, because those bullies were also in Special Ed and because they had worse issues than I did they mattered more. I instinctively will say, "I can't help it!" if I react to a sudden loud sound, because I've been punished in school for covering my ears or reacting to sounds so many times. It's upsetting to people who know me, but I feel people who don't know me will think it's okay to taunt me or react to me for something harmless that I simply cannot control.

That brings me back to the bear hug situation for too many children on the Autism Spectrum their childhood is recalled as feeling constantly controlled, and forced to do things that upset them against their will. All children should be able to say no without fear and without punishment. Too many children are taught obey or else, it's more than turning off a video game for a set period of time. It's a pervasive and overwhelming obsession with "What did I do wrong this time? Why am I being punished?" Even if you explain it to a person with Autism, even if you say it's in their own best interest they stop stimming, or covering their ears, all they will hear is something is wrong with who I am.

I've been trying to see that other children on the Autism Spectrum don't have to go through what I did. Unfortunately our schools with their learning built on punishment make it extremely difficult for people on the Autism Spectrum to learn. You cannot learn while being in fear of being denied the ability to go home at the end of your day, detention, which is in my opinion an accepted form of hostage taking. Punishment like that only teaches people with forms of Autism always police yourself, or you will be made to suffer.

What works is discussing things with someone with a form of Autism, asking them what they would like as a punishment, and to come to an agreement on what they can or can't handle. If a child repeatedly faces punishments that overwhelm them, they are likely to learn dissociation or "shutting down" as a coping mechanism. I became so skilled at this there were days in school I lived entirely in my own head.

These are my thoughts on punishment and how they affected me as someone with Asperger's Syndrome as a child. I became extremely depressed and lost joy in things, because I constantly felt if I let myself feel I could act in a way that I would be punished for. Many people on the Autism Spectrum have said the story in Frozen about Elsa fearing expressing her emotions because they would cause her ice powers to go out of control as a really good analogy for how it feels to grow up with a form of Autism. Many people with Autism Spectrum Disorders prefer to be treated as an adult with respect, and not punished because it creates a sense of helplessness and hopelessness in them. You just can't raise an Autism Spectrum Child like a normal child, and that includes punishment.

It depends what the purpose of"punishing" is in the first place. To Discipline is to redirect, or reteach a different or better choice. To "punish" just plain sounds like it's something vengeful. What's the purpose or motive in the first place?? No matter who the recipient of it is.

That is just complete stupidity. See Autistic children know what they are doing from bad to good. The simple fact that they are Autistic doesn't excuse them from getting away with murder. My son is 8 and was born Autistic. Let me tell you if you have other siblings and you spank them when they miss behave its not fair that they were punished by being normal! I used to give him the special treatments but once i started spanking him when he would miss behave just like my other two things improved by the hundreds. if you ease up on them you are crippling them for life. Don't do that!.

I am not a parent to an autistic child but live next door to a 7 year old autistic boy and his brother age 2 has many similar mannerisms. The issue I have is that when the children are being looked after by the child minder during the day they behave really well, listen to no when reprimanded by her and between the occassional stimming are regular little boys BUT the minute their parents get home all hell breaks loose.

The volume of their voices gets so loud, they don't follow any instructions the parents give, there are meltdowns galore and my life becomes a nightmare. There is no bedtime so often at 10pm when one expect peace and quiet the two boys are running up and down screaming at the top of their lungs. We live in a freestanding home so no shared walls however the volume of the boys voices and the parents can be heard verbatim from my bedroom. Ihave not had one nights full sleep since they moved in 3 years ago. The boys begin again at 5 am.

Is it common for autistic children to require so little sleep and surely if the childminder can discipline them and control them then the parents are doing something wrong?

I have spoken to the Mom who is a school teacher and she got very angry and felt I was being discriminating against her because her son is autistic. The parent fight very vocally in front of the children and I doubt that is good for the boys?

I am desperate on how to handle this as the sleep deprivation is beginning to affect my work and my sanity

The difference is knowing what your are doing and not knowing.... AND being able to control it and NOT.

You must realise though that autism is a spectrum and not all cases are the same, therefore its impossible to use your cousin as a representative of the whole spectrum

I agree that a child with autism don't have control over some of the things they do but I'm a step parent of a teenager with autism and she is a very sweet girl and smart but I feel she is very aware of what is right and what is wrong and if she understand enough to get upset if she can't have her way and get an attitude and make smart remarks when she can't get her way then she needs to be discipline for her behavior. I've heard her say little smart remarks when she couldn't have her way and I correct her right then and there because she know right from wrong

Can you move in next door to me please :)

Scares me to read this. So cut and dry is never what autism.entails in a child.I don't hear understanding.

Why punish a child that's already being punished with having autism! Obviously you've NEVER had an autistic child with ADHD!

You do not understand autism AT ALL! There are plenty of autistic people who are very aware of their disability... autistic people are not stupid and just like young children autistic people know when they did something wrong. My sister is autistic and 20 years old. She knows she has to wash her hands after the bathroom, or tell us when the doorbell rings but she chooses to disobey these rules. She knows and no it isn’t that she has no idea. Get that c**p out of your heads and stop acting like they have no damn clue to what they do. They are just like any other person, teach them right and wrong and when they do wrong you punish them just like anyone else.