Yes, some of this is rude, but it is so funny!! e


One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively
well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still
feel
this way. For some reason, you are craving a
steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
is
only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
fruity
pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life
would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
Coke
--- yet you haven't pee'd once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
has
given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For
the
ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper
cars.)
Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your
sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five sh**s you
take
during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore
and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate
saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest
idea
who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any
attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of
alcohol-scented
fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
'floater'
seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.

Death sounds pretty good about right now...


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing