They think I am lazy but I am depressed

I think I am depressed. My grandmother was hospitalized a couple of times because of this and the story on my greatgrandmother is she died of depression. Could I be next? Sometimes I hope and sometimes I am scared. I drink more than I ever diid. I grew up in a broken family and due to that, my father and his wife, and the fact that I never looked like anyone else in my group of friends (I was always too tall and oversized-now 6ft tall) I grew up with extreme low self esteem. Now as a married woman of 29 I find myself drinking and feeling horrible all the time. I want to feel good I want to be a better person and I cannot find myself to do it. I instead work as a manager where I put up a front of happiness and leadership and then I come home (my husband works as a limo driver so he doesnt come home till 1-4am) and go on the internet, watch tv and drink. I am so lonely and feel so sad all the time. Even when I am telling him how I feel I lie. I never tell him that I feel fat and ugly and soooo lonely that I dont care about myself, that I imagine my funeral so many times over. That all I want to do is run to my mother but am afraid because she will know what I feel and therefore Id rather be alone. What do I do? Do I turn like my grandmother and get hospitalized, or like my greatgrandmother and let this take over me till an early death?

I think I am depressed and for no reason. Lately I just don't feel like doing anything at all. I come home from work and just take a shower and go to sleep until the next day and I do it all over again the next day. Usually I am NEVER like this. I am usually the type of girl who loves to be with her friends and family and go out and have a good time. Sometimes I get the urge just to cry for no reason. Even though I am surrounded by a loving family, the greatest sister, and two great best friends, I still feel lonely everyday. My aunt use to suffer from depression. I don't want to get to the point that she got to but I am scared to tell anyone cause I don't want to be looked as crazy cause I am not at all. I have a great job and almost finishing up my bachelors degree with a great gpa but I still feel like something is missing. I went out last night to a little getty with my friends and it was like I was there but I wasn't really there. The whole time I couldn't wait to get home and just go to sleep. And today I just been sleeping the whole day. I don't know what to do.

Sometimes the way we process things is the biggest problem in our anxiety and depression. That's why CBT is so effective if you work at it. It's not a quick fix but is has been the most lasting fix I have found so far.

that is exactly what my own family thinks about me...though i have tried to explain that i have depression, they ignore me and make there own conclusions, i feel so worthless i have no job and really dont even have strength to go out and look for one...though i know im in a bad position and admit to me being in out of place...i cant seem to find the door, i feel blocked....but my family doesnt seem to realize how much harm they cause by talking behind my back about how lazy i am...or so they think i am...suicide has been an option in many cases...i guess the only reason i havent gone through it is because of the troubles i will cause them financially and morally...they dont know this because i dont wish to talk about it with them...they are so ignorant and proud they will think that i just say it for them to feel sorry for me...thats the last thing i want is for my own family to feel sorry for me...i love to be useful i love to help people..it makes me feel better about myself....i just feel i want to run...run far away from my own family....i dont know who will read this but right now i feel good that im talking about...i wish there was a way for people to be more aware of depression and its symptoms since its a very very critical deases and everything people say and how they say it matters and affects the outcome of a depressed person...the only good thing that has come out of this is that im more understanding with people when dealing with mental problems...we never know what a person is going thrue...just because we dont see fisical damage on a person doesnt mean they are 100% ok...rudeness, anger and allot of other mood swings come from illnesses that we dont comprehend and judge the person as just plain "a whole" there is more behind the face of a person that most people dont understand...i try to understand and have more patience with every person i encounter with a mood swing...just my thoughts i hope somebody does read this and gives me some kind of guidence to a better health...i am a 38 single male...thank you so much.

JR is right and he wrote a great article under articles here last summer about what CBT and the TEA forms can do for you. Read it and then give cbt a try :D

Here's the link to the article he wrote I referred to in my previous post :-)

https://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/article.php?mode=view&hpr=Cognitive_Behavioral_Therapy__Best_non_med_treatment_for_anxiety_and_stress_problems&article_id=958

HEY,Y DO I NEED A USERNAME

I think I am depressed. I have been disconnected from friends and family. Instead of talking to my friends and family, I just listen to music in the dark and watch murder shows (Criminal minds). How can I cope with this?