For me, it feels like my brain is a beehive and all the thoughts are like bees buzzing around in there. Some thoughts circle around more than others. At times I really feel like a crazy person, but not so much that I'd be able to explain it to anyone so they'd really understand. So I've resolved to just live with how hard it can be and try my best to fit in with other people. It's draining to constantly keep a watch on the weird things that are in my head, but I've found it necessary because my thoughts tend to spiral out of control and lead me into obsessions. It doesn't always help to monitor my thoughts and try to recognize when something is nonsensical, though. My brain works so fast that I rationalize quite easily, so that a bad idea might then really seem like a marvelous one at the time. I tend to think about the future a lot and how my actions might influence courses of events. People say not to worry about the future too much, yet when something in life comes along which requires foresight the opposite advice is told. Life seems so full of deep, terrible contradictions and I don't know how most people don't seem as frustrated as I am. But the worst part is that I don't know whether I can love anybody with all this mental clutter. It seems to me that those I've loved have turned into the subjects of my fixation, which I hate because I know it hurts people to be obsessed over. All this makes me think that love isn't something I am capable of, and that makes me sad. It makes me hate myself and pity myself. Listening and playing music helps. Playing games helps. Reading helps. Running helps. Being around people helps. Photography helps. But I liken these things to alcohol (which also helps) because they only offer a temporary feeling of distraction, which is addicting. I feel frustrated with God because I didn't ask to be born like this, and in fact most people probably have it much worse than I do. And through it all God seems silent and so inexplicably passive, so permissive of such cruelty.
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Yes, I've felt the same. Way too many thoughts running through my mind at the same time, hindering me from accomplishing anything. Couldn't concentrate anywhere for long. Lose focus, quick. My own thought process is pulling me back. I just started engaging in only activities that'd have my interest piqued. Like watching movies and writing, for instance. I think that helped.
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