Trying to stay clean! If you've been through this then please take time to answer my question.

My advice to you is find a class that you really want to try like a cooking class or art class or just something like that. It will keep your hands busy and your mind too. While your in this class you'll also meet some really fun people that share the same interests as you and you'll make new friends in no time. Or if that's not something you can do try joining a gym or something like that you can work out get healthy again and still meet new people. Good luck!

Thanks for taking the time to respond.
That's something that I'll definately have to look in to.
Thanks again!

Here's another suggestion have you tried Narcotics Anonymous? I grew up around AA and have heard that NA is just as good and can really help people!

I haven't tried that.
Knowing the way I am, it would make me want it ten times more because I'd be sitting there listening to what other people have used.
I really have thought about it though I just think it would have more cons than pros to it for me.
If all else fails though I might have to try it.
I'm dying to call someone up, set it up and then go and get it.
It's so much easier to just do it than to try and not do it. Not to mention it's frustrating as all h3ll ...
I was hoping that what I was doing would help, (Reading, writing, talking to my wife, music, etc.) but it hasn't.
I really haven't even wanted to go out of the house and I haven't except for appointment with my PCP.
The only reason I went out before was to go and get something and now that I'm trying to stop, I don't want to go out at all.
I'm really not trying to whine and complain it's just really upseting and frustrating.

Not all of NA is talking about peoples past times or their DOC's. It's also about how they quit, why they quit, and the steps they're going through to stay quit. In the program they encourage you to get a sponsor to talk to and call when your having a hard time. The sponsor also helps walk you through the 12 steps.

I'm sorry! I feel so stupid...I didn't even think about that part of it. I guess it's because I'm thinking so hard about the other c**p, ya know?
Thank you and once again .. Sorry about my brief stupidity. :-)

Miss Starr is absolutly correct when she talks about NA. My daughter has just celebrated 14 months clean and she goes to a meeting sometimes twice a week. Stay away from your "friends" because they are not really your friends at all. It's time to make some new ones. You have the ability to meet so many people from these meetings and you will be so amazed at the similarities that you will share with people just like you. Your wife can go along with you after a while and they will show her how to help you too. She hated them at first and she despised putting herself out there, but you open yourself up wide and you just talk and vent and sometimes cry, and these folks support you and console you and you really feel like your worth something after all.
And yes, you will get a sponser. This is the person that you can call anytime, anyplace. They are always just on the other end of the phone for you. It's not a depressing meeting either, you laugh and talk and joke and there may be times when you don't discuss bad stuff at all. And ya know, there is always someone who has a story that is 100 times worse than yours. It makes you releived to know that your not the only one and your certainly not the last.
In 10 months my daughter will be able to become a sponser herself, she can't wait. She also begins college in september, she wants to be a GET THIS, drug counselor. I am so proud of her and she has come from the gutter to getting healthier everyday.

Just be strong and confident in yourself. Join the gym and take your frustrations out there. Beat the c**p out of the bag or something.
This is not really relevent here, but i almost lost my child. My grandson almost lost his mother, and the world almost losta beautiful shining star. But she is back and shining brighter then ever. So you can too.

well the first thing you can do is just try and stay busy. Get together with friends, go to the gym, read self help books, develop some hobbies that create a health lifestyle. I'm not sure how old you are but hopefully you have a job or in school and your not just sittting around the house all day because that will make you go crazy......... Also the most important thing is think of how strong you are and how you were able to stop something that was addictive. most people can't so give yourself credit.

I'm 21 years old and no, as of right now I'm not in college.
I'm trying so hard to keep myself busy I'm just running out of things to do. I really can't go out by myself anywhere because I know me and I know exactly where I'll go ... Right back to my "card" dealing "friend". (I know that makes me seem like a child that I can't even go somewhere alone)
I feel like a piece of trash right now. I'm just thinking of all the people I've hurt during my seven years of drug use and I can never take that back... The things that I said to them .. put them through .. All of that and god does it hurt me to think of how I hurt them. And, in turn, thinking of this makes me want that numbing feeling even more.
Thank you for taking the time to respond and being so kind about it.
I'm not trying to sound like a whiney 5 year old I guess I just needed to "talk" a bit.
Thanks once again for being a sweetheart about it! :-)
Best Wishes!

I know it really matters to you regarding all the folks that you have hurt during your problematic times but in a way it doesn't. True friends and supportive and dedicated family members understand. My heart has been broken a million times as well as my feelings but i do understand that when someone is under the influence, things are said and done that take that person so out of character. My daughter said some of the most hurtful and painful things to me while she was geeking. At the time they hurt so bad and made me cry, but thinking it over i looked at it a bit different. Granted it still hurt, but thinking it thru sort of took the sting out of her words. I know she did not mean it.
Eventually you will be able to tell these folks that your sorry.
Last Christmas the whole fam was together for the first time in a long time. My daughter was always MIA at Christmas. We were all sitting around the tree opening our presents when all of a sudden she started to make an announcement.
You could't hear a pin drop in the room as she began her heart felt apologys. She was so humble at that point, saying something to each person as she went around the room. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Even the little kids didn't make a peep.
But she was already forgiven in my eyes, this was something that she had to do for herself, it is part of healing.

You are not a piece of trash by any means. You are just a man, your not a machine. You made a mistake, you realize it, and now you are trying to fix it. By knowing that you did make a mistake your half way home. Admitting something is hard and you feel demoralized, but it's good. There will be many times when you humble yourself, it's part of getting better.

Well, enjoy your vacation with your wife. It is a much needed get away i'm sure. Let the sun shine on your face and just relax.
Have fun and get back to us when you come home. ;-)