Ok - a little background knowledge: I am 20 years old and have always had a fairly irregular period (I once didn't get it for five months) This is a long story, but I would appreciate any help that you are willing to give. I also suffer from OCD so these worries are consuming my life.
So, for the last two years I was in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship. I got out of it about six/seven months ago and am now dating a new guy who is wonderful. The last time I had sex with my ex was not even consensual, I was terrified of him and scared to say no, so I just didn't say anything. (I know that is terrible, I am ashamed - please don't tell me to press charges it is way too late). My period was late that month (September), I took 4 pregnancy tests all negative. After I got out of the relationship I got my period again, I assumed it was the stress that kept me from getting it. I then got my period on schedule at the end of October, November, December (when I started dating my new boyfriend, I had my period on New Year's). I then had it the last week of January (a little early - typically it would be from the last week into the first week of the next month). All of these periods were very very heavy (typical for me, although they may have been more heavy than normal) and they lasted 5ish days. I have not had my period since then, so it has been about three months without.
My boyfriend that I am with now and I have had sex twice. Both times we used a condom, and he didn't ejaculate either time (he has a hard time with condoms), so it doesn't seem possible for me to be pregnant from him, although I know that technically it's not impossible. I am under a lot of stress from my demanding education classes and my work schedule, and I know that can impact my period, but I have noticed symptoms that make me think I am pregnant. My breasts have been sore on and off for weeks, not an abnormal amount, they feel like they do when I am PMSing. They haven't gotten any larger, but I was already a 36D. I feel like my nipples are darker but I am not sure if I have just convinced myself they are. I have gained about 10 lbs since November, which I originally attributed to the holiday season (I don't have the best eating habits), but my stomach is very round and I feel like I look pregnant (maybe not 8 months so but I know some women have smaller bellies). When I said to my mother that I felt like I looked pregnant she laughed and agreed with me, telling me to lay off the junk food. I have a small frame so even with the extra weight I have a hard time thinking where an almost full-term baby would fit in, but all these I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant stories have me questioning. My belly isn't hard, and when I press above my pubic bone I don't feel hard like I've been told I should. I have minor back pain. I also feel like I feel movement in my stomach but it seems like when I do I usually burp soon after, so it's possible it is gas - although I'm afraid I'm just in denial, I don't know..
About a week ago after fooling around with my boyfriend (not intercourse but there was manual penetration), I spotted for a few hours, it was light brown in color. Then the other day, after working out with him (running on the treadmill) I spotted again, more pinkish this time. I keep getting my hopes up but it is never my period. Other than that I have had clear discharge, but recently whitish/yellowish discharge, which I sometimes experience when I ovulate, but I have had it for a while so I don't know that it can be ovulation.
Before you tell me to take another test, I do not drive and the area I live in makes it difficult for me to obtain one so without asking for a ride to a drugstore. I have no friends due to my abusive ex cutting me off from them and I am afraid to talk to my boyfriend or mother about this, and I know there's no way I'm strong enough to lie about it and then take it on my own with no support. I was looking to go on birth control before this all happened so I have been looking at gynos and will being going within the next few weeks, but I am terrified and can't shake these thoughts.
So my question is - do you think it is possible that I am pregnant? I am so scared that I am this far along with my ex's baby. I was feeling fine since I got my period for months, but now I keep seeing stories in the news about women who have their periods all throughout their pregnancies, or only partly through them, so I'm not comforted by that anymore. It's to the point where I'm hoping I'm just a few weeks pregnant just so I know it's not his.. I'm going out of my mind. Any help is appreciated.