wtf is wrong with me?

Dear Aade: I feel for you SO much! Is your son with you? If he is do you have a partner or anyone for support? Also are you breast feeding. I noticed on one of your other posts that he was born healthy - which is wonderful. But did anyone know about your addiction? Doctors nurses etc. The only thing I AM worried about is custody of the baby when you ask for help. And that's what I want you to do is ask for help. You need to be on Suboxy - which helps with Oxy withdrawls. And it has a better outcome than Methadone. So that's what you need to do 1st hon, is ask your doctor for help. It take a LOT to kick this habit and with a new baby i think it will be harder for you to focus on getting the help you need. Suboxy helps with ALL the withdrawl symptoms and you can be on it for a short period of time and then taper off. I am not an advocate for cold turkey ESPECIALLY an opiate as it is VERY hard. If you are on Social Assitance, I think they should be able to help you too. So on Monday start making the phone calls, I know that you will need a perscription for Suboxone below is a link about it and the doctors in your area that will perscribe it. Some methadone clinics do to. I HATE telling you to go on another drug, but it's too hard on you to not too. I wish you luck and health and sobriety you CAN do this hon.

http://suboxone.com/

I am in no way supporting this site, it's just the only thing i could find as far as doctors and insurance are concerned. I feel for every American that has to go through all of this to get help. We can get it at anytime. I hope that your government can finally get you all covered and out of the grip of insurance companies and greed. Good luck hon! I'm usually on here and you can talk to me about anything OK?!!!!

The hardest part is NO ONE knows. thats why i am here. i feel like im so alone in this battle. but the good news is i think i am ready to take that next step. i am worried about the custody and what they will think of me as a parent also. i can buy methadone off the street but i dont know how much to take and what not. and yes monday i will definitely try to fix this. i cant stand laying in bed all day suffering...

Thank you for your support. i think its a wonderful thing what you guys do on here. it gives someone like me a little glimmer of hope for the future.

That's the hardest part...NO ONE knows. except my dealer. even with her i act like i am buying for more people than i really am. my brother is addicted as well - we enable eachother but never talk about it like its an addiction. i think we're just both embarassed and id rather not go there. But not even the doctors knew when i was pregnant. and yes my son is always with me. he is the reason i get out of bed and live any kind of life within these walls. no im not breastfeeding so i dont have to worry about it still being in his system, thank god. i knew it was supposed to be hard for the baby after birth but he was a champ. i am so blessed he came out okay and without withdrawals. and i agree...im worried about going for help because i am the only legal parent my son has. i do want to get help though. i can find methadone on the street but i dont how much to take at a time and all that. it seems to be my only choice. i am having such bad cravings..im asking all my connections and i hate this....

does anyone know if you have a kid and are on social assistance do they help and not try to take your baby away? any experiences?

i just want to say thank you for your advice and concern. i see so many of your posts on here and you're really making a difference. it's really a great thing you have on here. Thank you again.

bad news...just called the hospital to ask if they would accept my insurance for their outpatient program and thats a no-go. they did however give me numbers to outpatient treatment facilities around me. i will try to call them monday to ask about financial arrangements but the woman at the hospital basically said it would all be out of pocket. i definitely cannot afford that. is there still hope left?

I'm really sorry to hear about that but it sucks to hear that you can't get support like that. I think what might honestly help you and I know it's hard but maybe you can tell more people about it since you've kept it a secret for so long? A lot of people who successfully quit using and abusing are people who have the support of their family too so I think that might help you. Did you call everyone today to see what you can do?

Funny you mention that...i called my mom today and was admitting to her. she is also addicted to pills - ephedrine. so she can relate. it does make it easier knowing someone who can understand is there for me. i would really like to start NA meetings but it is so difficult with having the baby. i do not have anyone to watch him. my mom works and lives in 24/7 home care and i can only bring my son for visits, not to drop off. but actually this message board is kind of like an NA meeting lol. Yes i did call and did what i could today. the only thing i could think of that is within my reach was getting back on my antidepressant/anxiety meds to help ease this. i was taken off when i was pregnant but i think it will make this transition that much easier.

Thank you again for all of your support and concern. it is truly appreciated.

Hi Aade: Do you have a regular doctor? And since your baby is 10 weeks old, when will you be going for your next check up? If you have a regular doctor, I am sure he/she could perscribe Suboxone. There a thousands upon thousands of addicts out there hon, all shapes, sizes, colors, nationalities and incomes. I do NOT know Florida law, but in most States and Western Countries they have assistance for opiate withdrawl. I think I paid $5 for a couple of days of Methadone. All I know is that you should NOT get it on the street. I want you to listen to me about this OK?

Right now the most important things are your baby staying with you and being healthy!!!! And for you to get clean! IF you buy off the street and you are either arressted or OD on it, your baby will be taken quicker than you can blink!!! So you asking for and receiving the help you need, shows that you ARE in control and trying your best to get through all of this. What you ARE showing to the authorities - be it Doctors, Nurses, Social Workers etc. Is that you ARE trying and your not some street addict, who is putting their brand new baby in jeopardy RIGHT?!! I hope you hear what I am trying to tell you. I KNOW that addicted part of you is saying - GET the drugs! But hopefully your regular brain and the help of your heart will beat the addicted part into submission with wanting to keep your child and be a happy healthy mom! I will never tell you it's going to be easy, but it's a HELL of a lot easier than you going to jail and your baby boy being taken away from you - possibly forever!!!! Right!? So ask for help. Go to your doctor and tell them what you are going through, do NOT mention going to the street for this drug OK? It is only a red flag!

Social workers and the system itself's main goal is to keep the child with the parent! They are already filled to the brim with children in Foster Care. So they are SUPPOSED to work with you and give you the supports so the baby can stay home with you and for him to be safe and well taken care of. So take a chance and a deep breath. This is crunch time, this is when you get to show everyone that you are a strong mother who has a problem, not the other way round OK? Ask for help, phone social assistance and let me know what is happening OK Aade? Good luck and health hon!

I'm really glad to hear that you reached out because you can see now so easily that other people have problems like this too! So at least you know you're not alone and that you have support or at least you have sympathy and that helps quite a bit. I am sure that it is hard to start NA but you will find a way to be able to take care of it and yeah definitely antidepressant meds will probably help you out quite a bit. Again though, your most powerful tool is other people, so be sure to use them!

Hi Aade hon: I know it's been only a couple of days, just wondering if you've gotten through to anyone. I have found a few links for you fromt he State of Florida I hope these can help. Good luck hon!

http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/mentalhealth/publications/asamsuplement.pdf

http://www.myflorida.com/cf_web/

Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you OK? I know I'm in Canada, but the internet knows no boundaries!!! XD ;-)

Thank you both. I will let you know if i can make any progress with this.

Hi Aade. I know that you will. :) Just keep us posted! Thanks again for keeping us on top of things.