How To Deal With People Who Think They Know More About Baby Care Than You

Escaping 'Helpful' Loved Ones With Kids

Grandparents often have a special place in your family's heart and life, and you may feel the need to be more diplomatic with them than with other people. Loved-ones of the same generation or at least close in age also usually have quite a few thoughts on raising children. If they are parents of young kids themselves, it's quite possible they got caught up in those infamous "mommy wars" and want to convince you to parent like they parent. Alternatively, they might judge you silently... or not so silently. 

Are you an independently thinking parent to-be or new parent? If you're going to listen to anyone's advice on anything, you might as well take my single bit of advice: stay away from discussing really controversial parenting topics with loved-ones who have kids if you want to keep your relationship intact. Welcome to parenthood. Talking about how you raise your children is more controversial than talking about politics or religion. 

• Circumcision
• Breastfeeding and bottle feeding
• Vaccines
• Developmental delays
• Daycare and stay at home parents
• Earrings for baby girls
• Sleep training
• Cosleeping
• Car seats
• Pets and babies
• Infant literacy (Yes, really!)
• Introducing solid foods

OK, OK... I admit that you might just have unusually open-minded people in your life; people who respect you and your way of doing things, and people who don't get defensive when you make completely different decisions. Your friends and relatives could also be people who just happen to agree with you. If that doesn't turn out to be the case, though, I recommend staying away from these discussions. If you have no idea what they can be like in practice, go look for a (any) parenting forum on the internet and you'll see how ugly discussions about child rearing can be. 

Talking To Childless Friends And Relatives

My personal experience tells me that folks who don't have kids at all can indeed be very vocal about how they think you should parent. This can happen for any number of reasons, but I think two categories are worth mentioning: people who would have liked kids but don't have any, and people who don't like kids and want them to be "seen but not heard". 

Of course, you can discuss your life with your baby in as much detail as you want. Try not to feel guilty for wanting to talk about other things instead if the advice and comments are becoming unpleasant. Remember that parents of small kids often want to talk about their babies all the time. Asking about your childless loved-one's life is a sure-fire way to escape any parenting talk, and you'll also demonstrate that you are not living on a baby-colored cloud.

Random Strangers

Unless you're literally falling asleep while pushing your shopping cart because your newborn kept you up all night, or unless you're spanking your one-month old for crying, random strangers really don't have any business interfering with your parenting choices. No, not even if your baby is crying — and annoying them — in a public place. 

See Also: Parenting Advice: How to Spend Quality Time With your Kids

Under the influence of postpartum hormones, I once engaged in a shouting match with a guy on the street who said carrying my baby in a baby carrier would make him infertile and suffocate him. (How can he be be infertile if he's dead?)