My Child Is Being Bullied: What Now?

What should you do if your child has just told you, or you suspect, that they are being bullied at school, at a sports class, at the bus stop, online, or anywhere else? Many of us will doubtless have the instant urge to turn into that parent bear, feeling immense anger towards those who harmed our child and wanting to take drastic measures to make it stop — right now. Remember, however, that your child has been facing inner turmoil, perhaps for quite a while already. They need you to be their rock right now, not another frighteningly unpredictable factor in their life. 

Active Listening

The UK's National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, the NSPCC, advises parents of bullied children to give them the space to describe their experience in their own words. That means that you should listen calmly, acknowledging what they are saying to you and asking open-ended questions. Of course, verbalize that nobody deserves to be treated like that and that what your child is experiencing is very wrong — and you're there, to help discover solutions.

Bullying Journals And The Next Step

The NSPCC also suggests that you help your child keep a diary of bullying incidents, so they have something concrete to show to those in authority, teachers or school administrators for example. You will have to discuss, together, how to approach the relevant authorities about what has been happening. Check their anti-bullying policies in advance and see what possible solutions are, and talk about whether you're going in to talk about the issue together, or whether your child would prefer you to take care of that. 

Beware — even schools with excellent anti-bullying policies may meet your initial whistle-blowing with empty phrases like "I haven't seen that happening, are you sure your child isn't exaggerating?", or "your child is sensitive, maybe they need to grow a thicker skin". It happens. What if it does? Don't give up. Talk to people higher up the chain, and be the advocate your child needs.

Though some would disagree, I believe that moving your child to a different school is a perfectly acceptable solution to bullying at school. Similarly, if an extracurricular activity is the setting of your child's experience with bullying, it may be time to look into a new activity. A higher level of monitoring your child's online activities, or even deleting their social media accounts, may be a good step if your child is dealing with online bullying — with their consent, of course. When a situation becomes so painful that your child's quality of life is affected, removing them from that situation is a logical decision! 

Help Your Child Develop A New Social Network

Is there someone at school your child does love socializing with, or perhaps several peers? Foster those healthy relationships by inviting those kids into your home. Look into enrolling your child into new activities where nobody who knows they are being bullied is present, and connect with old friends and cousins.

Rebuilding Your Child's Self Confidence

Any child can be the target of bullying. It, is, however, often the things that make them different to the rest of their peer group that lead children with already ingrained bullying behaviors to latch on to them. Whether your child is short, or tall, or has an unusual hair color, or a different skin color to most of their peers, or different interests, anything that makes them stand out can cause bullies to take note.

Bullying may be an incredibly serious problem, one that has led some children to commit suicide and others to attack their bullies, but do make sure that your child has plenty of opportunity to regain their self confidence.

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You can also, if you think it is necessary and you can afford it, look into counseling sessions for your child. In counseling sessions with a qualified therapist, you child can learn new tools to keep mean people at bay and to feel good about themselves. Above all, however, make sure your child knows you are always there for them, keep listening, and keep looking for solutions together.