Sniffing Out Porkie Pies: Can You Tell If A Child Is Lying?

One already stress- and fatigue-filled day last year, the light bulb in my bathroom died and I didn't have time to run out and get a replacement. There being no windows in my bathroom, it was nearly completely dark when I completely unsuspectingly went there to do my business — only to be obstructed by a devious layer of Saran Wrap. It was a prank my kids had watched on YouTube, and one (or both?) of them apparently took the lacking bathroom light as a divine sign that now was the time to try it out. 

I was not amused. I wanted to know who the culprit was.

Both kids denied pulling the disgusting prank, but there were only two possibilities here; either one of them did it, or they were in it together. No matter the actual scenario, one thing was clear — at least one of my kids was lying to me. They weren't 'fessing up, though. The result? I blamed my son, the normally more mischief-loving child, and gave him a short lecture about how having the stuff that your body excretes pasted to your behind isn't pleasant. His giggles only added fuel to my belief that I was talking to the right child.

Some months later, though, my daughter, for some reason, admitted she had been the one who set the prank up, and I had wrongfully blamed her brother. I don't know whether she confessed because she felt bad, or because she wanted some credit for her prank, but apparently I was wrong. 

Think You Have An Inbuilt Parental Lie Detector? You're Wrong

Do you think this couldn't have happened to you? 

READ Are You Caught In A Web Of Lies? How To Spot A Pathological Liar

In an experiment led by Brock University psychologist Angela Evans, a group of kids between the ages of eight to 16 were asked to participate in a test, but given the chance to take a peek at the answers. They were later asked whether or not they had taken a look — something the researchers' footage confirmed or denied — but the kids weren't the real ones being tested. A total of 72 parents and 79 undergraduate student non-parents were asked to judge whether children were lying or telling the truth in recorded videos featuring equal numbers of liars and truth tellers. 

Since each kid was either lying or telling the truth, participants had a had a 50 percent chance of getting their answer right purely accidentally. In order to demonstrate that parents and non-parents were skilled at detecting lies in children, they'd have to be right much more often than half the time — and they weren't.

What's the deal? Are kids much better liars than we tend to give them credit for, or do we suck at weeding out lies in general?

Can We Stop Our Kids From Lying To Us?

How Good Are We Really At Detecting Lies?

Back to my kids and the Saran Wrap prank. Not long before that happened, I'd read a book a former CIA officer penned about detecting lies more accurately. I thought I was being quite clever in asking questions like "Where did you put the Saran Wrap after covering the toilet?" and "Did you plan that in advance, or did you just take advantage of the no-light situation?" — I wasn't in this to punish them, but to find out how well these techniques worked. Judge for yourself!

The truth, when it comes to lies, is that things are much more complex than we tend to think. In the absence of clear evidence, even law enforcement officers have trouble uncovering the undisputed truth, and tools like lie detectors fall short. Sure, it's possible to detect stress in a person. Indeed, one the best tricks in the book for people who want to deceive polygraph tests is to be just as stressed when truthfully answering control questions as they are while attempting to evade justice. Is it possible to accurately detect lies, though? With training, law enforcement officers hone these skills, but detecting lies is still more an art than a science. 

As parents, we're in a different boat. We have close relationships with our kids and want to think the best of them, giving them the benefit of the doubt more often than we perhaps should. We're also aware of their previous pattern of behavior, and it's only natural that we base our judgment on that. Hence, we might unfairly blame rowdy kids for the stuff their quieter siblings get up to. 

Should You Be Worried You're Raising A Future Delinquent?

We've all been taught that telling porkie pies is bad, but we all do it — according to research, as much as three times in a 10 minute conversation with a stranger! Most children learn to lie at around age two, coinciding with the theory of mind that allows them to realize other people might not have the knowledge they do, and they get better at telling lies over time. It's a skill most parents unwittingly come to appreciate in their kids as they, for instance, assure you that you look great or tell you that they love the birthday gift you got them. Lying doesn't, in itself, constitute a developmentally inappropriate behavior. 

READ Raising Sons: Are We Robbing Our Boys Of The Childhood That Could Make Them Thrive?

Though white lies can act as a social gel, most of the time, we want our kids to tell the truth, and to trust us enough to be able to do so. Since science has shown us that children are surprisingly great liars, or we're shockingly bad lie detectors, how can we encourage truth telling? The secret doesn't lie in a professional method used by law enforcement agencies, but in a foundation of trust. Kids have to feel safe enough to tell the truth when it matters.

Here are some tips for you:

• Research suggests that kids who are threatened with punishment for their lying as well as the initial transgression you are inquiring about aren't deterred. You simply can't threaten your kids into telling the truth. All you're basically telling them is that they'll get into trouble for two things when they tell the truth after previously lying.
• If, however, you encourage your child by saying that telling the truth is the right thing to do, they won't get into trouble for doing it, and you'll be happy if they do, lying is reduced by about 40 percent. 
• Try to create a situation in which lying isn't necessary, by having a open relationship based on positive dialogue rather than harsh discipline. 

Becoming a professional lie detector might not be necessary, after all!