The Sexual Abuse, The Child And Her Family

Sexual abuse is much more common than you may think.

The same study showed that more than one in three young adults sexually abused as child did not tell anyone about it at the time. Why is it that this happens so often? There are many reasons a child may not tell care givers about what is happening.

They include:

• The child thinks thinks the abuse is her/his fault, and may feel guilty for betraying “the secret” s/he was sworn to keep.
• The child does not know the abuse is wrong, or does not have the words to describe what happened or is happening.
• The predator threatens to kill the child or their family if they tell, or prevents the child from telling by warning about some other negative outcome.
• The child is convinced s/he will not be believed if they do tell, often unfortunately with good reason.
• The child thinks others will blame him/her for the abuse.
• The child wants to protect her/his parents from the hurt that may be caused if the abuse becomes known, is afraid s/he will be taken into care.

In my case, the sexual predator started picking me up from school and taking me to his apartment. He was “doing my working mother a great favor” and was such a wonderful man for doing such a selfless thing. He started with over-the-top touch that was not sexual, like many pedophiles.

At the same time, he attempted to complicate my relationship with my mother. He “shared” things my mother had told him about me, and I was very hurt. Some of them were certainly things she had actually said to him, but he probably made up some of it too. I felt betrayed and was sure my mother didn't love me. He was different though, he said: he “understood me”. This is a thing many pedophiles throughout the world echo in chorus.

The first time he touched me sexually, while clothed, I wasn't sure what happened. I was 11 after all, and needed time to process that. The second time, he went further; he took my virginity, by force. He told me that he knew I wanted it, since I hadn't said no the last time he touched me. I was 11, and thought he had a point. My mother would be devastated to find out about that, he of all people quickly let me know. He had a point. She would not believe me anyway. Once again, he had a point.