Would You Allow Your Son To Wear A Skirt?

“Mama, what is he wearing?” was the first reaction we got when my then two-year old boy ventured out of the home in a dress that was too small for his sister. Though we live in a large city, that old community feel that makes neighbors lend each other cups of sugar and likewise causes them feel entitled to stick their noses into other peoples' affairs is still very much present here.

The same woman, who runs a little convenience store in the neighborhood we have since moved away from, also gave us plenty of other gems. Once, she gave my daughter a pink bouncy ball and my son a blue one. She complained, “but pink is for boys!” when my boy asked to have a pink one like his sister instead, pointing to the large bowl filled with lots of bouncy balls sitting on her shop counter.

This same woman complained that I kept my “maiden name” after marriage, told my daughter off for liking Spider-Man ("for boys!"), and told my husband I really ought to be the one doing the cooking when he popped to the convenience store for a last-minute ingredient he needed for a meal he was preparing.

My son is four years old right now, and he has had a fascination with girl's clothes since he was tiny. Since he has a big sister and a mom, he saw plenty of exquisite examples of sparkly stuff — and he wanted in. He isn't the only one. Let's face it, girls' clothes just look a lot nicer a lot of the time. Most little kids are rather fond of glitter and pretty pictures. Plenty of boys my son's age want to wear skirts. The question is, is that OK?

I'll be brave, and admit that I do not feel comfortable with allowing my son out in a skirt or dress at this stage. We tried that, the constant barrage of comments bothered me, and I decided I wasn't keen on doing that again. I let him wear whatever he wears at home, but in the outside world he has to stick to stuff that won't prevent us from going about town in peace.

Some people are far braver than I am — like the German dad who appeared in various newspapers from all over the world in 2012 when he decided to don a skirt right alongside his five year-old son, in solidarity. Nils Pickert said: “Yes, I’m one of those dads, that try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academic daddies that ramble about gender equality during their studies and then, as soon as a child’s in the house, still relapse into those fluffy gender roles: He’s finding fulfillment in his carrier and she’s doing the rest.”

I couldn't agree more. I am a feminist, and a divergent thinker by birth (that's probably what you get from being multicultural and thus a perpetual outsider). Yet, there are plenty of people who don't agree. I asked around on the internet, on a mom forum I am active on. I got three pages of replies within next to no time. It is clear that there are many strong feelings on this seemingly benign topic.

So, what did people say about boys wearing “girl's clothes”? And what are the pros and cons of skirts and dresses for boys? That's what we'll examine next.

Skirts For Boys: The Pros And Cons

Reasons To Allow Your Son To Wear Skirts

Refusing to let your son wear a skirt if that is what he really wants can give him the message that his wishes are unacceptable, and that he himself is therefore also unacceptable, some forum moms thought. “My son might be bullied by others for liking what he does, but I will not be the one bullying him”, one said.

Others thought the message that you don't need to conform just because you might otherwise make some people feel uncomfortable is essential. A skirt is only a piece of clothing, but disallowing your son to wear one may make him feel that he must put other people's feelings before his own.

One mom pointed out that it's no big deal for girls to wear what is considered to be boy's clothing — like soccer shirts and Superman capes. If we don't believe in strict gender divisions any more, why on earth would it be so controversial for a boy to wear a skirt? Does he really have to be Scottish to wear a "skirt"?

I'll add one more thought to this general drift. Could it be that it's acceptable for girls to wear boy's clothing — but not the other way round — because even western culture is still rather patriarchal, albeit in a somewhat concealed manner? Boys are (often subconsciously, no doubt) seen as more valuable, so it's fine for a girl to aspire to be "more", while it's not OK for boys to stoop down to the level of a girl or (perhaps worse) a gay male? That is not the kind of message I want to send my boy, even if it's happening subconsciously without either of us ever reading that much into it.

Parents who believe in self-expression and learning from experience can simply take the route of allowing their sons to wear a skirt, and letting him decide whether he wants to continue after he has come face to face with the inevitable weird comments. However, you should keep in mind that the weird comments may persist long after the skirt comes off before you go this route.

The Naysayers' Side

“He can try it on and have fun with it for a minute, but then I'll say he has to give it back to his sister”, one mom said. Another was in favor of the “at home, but not in public” approach. Many of those who would not allow their sons to wear skirts at all, or not outside of the home, were conservative Christians who believe that males should stick to male clothing, and females to female clothing. (Which causes me to wonder what's really female or male, since anyone who's fond of historical dramas knows that from west to east, and from north to south, plenty of men historically wore both items of clothing resembling skirts rather a bit, and high heels.)

Many others did not offer up any explanation as to why they would tell their sons to stick to pants, though. These people were simply happy maintaining the societal status quo, and clearly just thought that skirts are for girls and not for boys — just as a necktie is for boys and not girls.

These moms did not have an inherent problem with skirts for boys, but were afraid that they might get bullied by kids at their preschool or taunted by adults who did not agree with boys wearing skirts. They felt that any parenting decision requires weighing the pros and the cons, and that the pleasure of wearing a skirt was not worth the risk of receiving negative reactions.

“If he still thinks it's a big deal when he is older”, my progressive forum friend said, “I have no problem if he wants to wear skirts. But my older son is 11, and he no longer expresses an interest in wearing dresses or skirts”. She concluded that she wished the world wouldn't make a fuss about these things, but that she lives in the world that exists, and not the world she wishes could exist.

What do you think? Would you allow your son to wear a skirt? If so, would you restrict skirt-wearing to the house, or would you allow him out what is considered to be girl's clothing?