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I walked into my sons room after hearing giggling (door was open) and saw him and another boy his same age naked.  They actually just had shorts, and underwear pulled down.  I told them to pull up their pants and get out into living room.  I am a very open minded parent and asked them what they were doing?  I tried to stay calm...open minded.  I have always told my children that I love them unconditionally and being heterosexual or homosexual is a sexual preference... and I love them regardless.  I explained on several levels why what they were doing was wrong.... too young, cousins, consequences... etc.   I really did not know what to do or say.   They both said it was just stupid, couriosity.... and both insisted they were not gay.  I explained again I would still love them the same...but really do not understand what happened.  Is this normal couriousity for 13 year old boys?  Does this mean they are gay?  What do I do, say?  Also... they pleaded with me not to share this with anyone.  I feel it would be my responsibility to share with my sister in law?  Son does not want to share with dad in fear of how he will feel about him.  I feel very confused, scared....

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Health Ace
6884 posts

I feel that is completely normal at their age. When I was that age, quite a few of us guys would get together to compare and check out each other's equipment. Can it be any more convenient than with a cousin? Don't make him (them) feel bad or guilty even if you don't approve. That would hurt them more than anything. They certainly are not gay for doing that.

I was the second family for my father and I have a sister who is 18 years older. I grew up with a nephew who is only 9 months younger and his brother who is a year younger than him. We were all in my room doing exactly what you describe when my mother came in. She completely ignored what we were doing and just said "supper's ready" and closed the door.

That was in 1951. I can only imagine how bad I (we) would have felt and for how many years afterwards, if she had made a big deal out of it. Young boys are just beginning to have their equipment start working and they are extremely turned on. We used to get together to masturbate and we used to masturbate each other to see what it felt like. When we began to get ejaculate, we had contests to see who could shoot the farthest and to see who could do it the quickest (how dumb is that?). As most teen age girls think, boys are weird creatures.

If you have the chance to talk to them again don't let them think what they doing was dumb or bad, It's just something they wouldn't do intentionally in front of you or in church, but they already know that. Not knowing how dad would react, I see no reason to bring it up to him. My dad walked in on me while I was masturbating one time. He was coming to tell me to pick up the newspaper for him that afternoon and that's what he did. Then he left without saying anything else, just like my mother did.

I wouldn't share it with anyone else unless you are sure they would feel the way I do. I understand why you are confused, you grew up as a teen age girl so you didn't experience the things boys do. Don't destroy their trust and embarass them any more than they feel right now. If you do it right they may feel they can share a lot of stuff with you and they may feel comfortable asking you important questions in the future.

Good luck with your normal boys and enjoy having them around.

 

 

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Good day sir. I think that I have the same problem. I am a single dad who is doing everything to raise his son and to direct him in the proper way. I am really trying so hard.But a couple of days ago I caught him while he and his older cousin as well were masturbating together. I think that children masturbation  is normal in his age, I mean, I was doing the same thing, but I never did it while someone was there with me - if you can understand me. Now, I see him with a cousin and I don't know what to think. Why with a cousin and is he gay? 

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Thank you.  I am very open about sex, and have had a open door policy about questions etc.   I think this is why I was so caught off guard.... like maybe he didnt feel he could come to me.   I didnt yell or try to embaress them, and told them it would stay between us 3.  I just want to be re-assured I am not doing the wrong thing about not telling the other parent.  My son is the oldest of two and is an early Matured boy... he has already hit puberty and his cousin has not yet "hit" that growth spurt.   I fear that if this act was caught or told that he would be the one to be blamed, and the fear of that he would get blamed for Molesting or something drastic.   I also fear that if he is confused about his sexuality that I want to be supportive.  You hear so much about suicide in teens that cant deal with the negative stigma that comes with homosexuality.  I also told them both that I am an open book for any questions they have.  Thank you again.... now just to get it out of my head, release the fears and just embrace my son as if it never happened.
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Hi there. I understand you. Perfectly. I was in the similar situation and I was so ashamed. My son was as well. And his friend. I was reading about children masturbation but I never could guess that I will catch my son one day with his school friend on the couch, watching porn movies and masturbating together. I was shocked. I came back earlier from the work and they should be at our house, doing their homework. I was so pissed off and I kicked his friend from our house and I punished my son. I believed that my son is gay and I was really sad about it. Ever thing came across my mind.  I didn't know what to do so I visited the physiologist, who was my friend as well. He told me that this is normal, that boys are experimenting and that sometimes they find it much easier while they are together. 

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Just one more thing that keeps going through my mind.  When I walked in.... it appeared they were going to attempt anal sex.  It didnt get this far, and this is the part that I think freaks me out.  If they would of gone that far, is that still normal?
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Health Ace
6884 posts
All I can tell you is we had never heard about anal sex when I was experimenting. That may be the only reason we didn't think of that. Back then the common attitude was that only girls could be raped because they were the only ones who had vaginas. Boys could do anything they wanted and it wouldn't be considered rape, maybe nasty, but that's all.


I'm happy to hear you are very open with him. When I was that age we had NO good information and no where to get it. Our biggest resource was some other m***n who didn't know any more than we did, he just had a louder mouth.


Some of the best and most accurate information I got came from Playboy magazine. Hef really did have informative articles in his magazine, after we finished drooling over the pictures of girls with huge breasts, and no vulvas of course. I didn't care much for huge breasts and the only part I did want to see wasn't there, so I read the articles.


I am all for truly meaningful sex ed classes in our schools. If you read some of the questions on this forum you will understand why. Young people really need to know.



You are right to be concerned about suicide in my opinion. I don't understand why there seems to be so much of it now. We had bullies when I was growing up and no one did much about them or for the person who was the target of their affection. I don't remember hearing about a single suicide among my peers. I remember one bully when I was in the 4th grade who was the bane of our existence. Then a new kid in school saw him picking on a smaller kid and she beat the living daylights out of him. He never bothered any of us after that.


About the gay part, I doubt that is any sign that he may be. We played with each other's parts because we were young and turned on and it felt good but none of us felt affectionate for any of the others. Just thinking about kissing another guy or being affectionate would have made most of want to puke. I never had any doubts about where my preference was and I think a gay or lesbian most likely feels the same.


So I think you're doing well and keep on being his freind and his mother.
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Thank you so much.  I was a wreck this morning, but you have really eased my mind.  We had another one on one talk and I reassured him he had nothing to be ashamed or guilty about.  We talked a little more and I told him I understand his body, hormones etc are very confusion for him.  I also as in past told him that masterbating is not a bad thing... just do it in private. LOL.   I told him that probably not a good idea to experiment with peers in that manner regardless of sexual orientation.  He is too young for sex regardless of male or female.  He again was in insistant he is not gay.  I do not think he is... tough, rough and very athletice (not that that defines sexuality).  I have a daughter who is over 18...and never had so many unanswered questions LOL.  Need an owers manual for the boy!

 

Thanks again.... so much!!!

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This hard one i say talk about masturbating and is ok to do in privet is for other boy,s it ok to look but not touch other,s boy parts you try to tall e,m nothing. but boy wall be boy,s that like talking a boy to pee on the tree jest telling try telling hem not pee on the one right on the rode if for ever one to see. i,m also going to say you may what talk about Penis Size and if he circumcised and other boys not circumcised that may have be y boy,s some like chick size and a penis that look different may have led to all of this. jest my 2 cent,s please feel to e-mail or post if need any more info or help

thank,s

j-save





https://www.steadyhealth.com/One_Mom_s_Teen_Solution_t233758.html
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I just wanted to confirm along with the others that this is VERY normal behavior for younger teen boys.  They are curious how they measure up to friends, if they are having the same 'feeling' - how it works, etc.  I don't think the fact that they are cousins really has any bearing here.  To your son, it was a similar aged friend that he could trust.  I learned a lot from a slightly older cousin when I was a kid.  I'm very grateful for those experiences I shared with my cousin, because I honestly think they shaped a lot of who I am, and what I believe today...and have helped me make a lot of decisions when it comes to my kids - and what to expect, and how to talk to them.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it at all - and if you were to catch them again, I think the best course of action is to simply apologize and excuse yourself.  
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If i were him i really wouldn't want my dad or anybody else to know. I do think tho, that it is normal for them to be curious.
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Need to talk, love him first that he trust you, tell him this is not to hide. then you know the result child will come in line with father. and all thing can discuss.
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Hello, I guess that the 13 y.o. boy who not yet reached the puberty had curiosity of seeing the nascent pubichair in his bigger cousin, and to compare the size of their penises, I think that it is something normal. How are they acting exactly now?
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tell him to just be him self and that he can walk any 2 paths he may like to pick change things up.
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I totally understand where your coming from. I actually did that same thing. I was the one convincing my cousin to walk around naked with me. And I would touch him and we would masturbate and just have a good time. It's totally normal.
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