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Hi there, I am a 22 year old female college student who has come to the realization that I need to face my demons now before I allow them too completely ruin me and what life I do have left. I have been in several car accidents, 3 within 6 month period. The last one I was t-boned and pinned in my car. The last 2+ years I have been prescribed any and every pain killer, narcotic in the book. I have been left witha L3/L4 herniated disc pressing against my sciatic nerve and spinal cord as well as the last three disc to my S1 are dehydrated and have annular fissuring along with facet joint syndrome and disc degeneration disease. I have weened down from opanaER, OxyContin, diluadid too now just Peres 10/325 and Ms Cotin 60mg daily. However after 2 years my body is tolerant and I'm going through a months perscription worth in 12 days. And lately I've really lost control of my life. I really don't know who i am now that these drugs are so firmly rooted in my body. Ive read that they alter and change things with your chemical makeup, behaviors, personality, emotions and moods. I'm not happy anymore. And despite the pain I'm in as it's chronic likely life long enduring issue, I want too be off pills all together. I have so much emotional taxation occurring that I want too free myself and not fall into a habit of using pills too numb my emotional pain. I can go cold turkey I've done it before but I get moody, headaches, throw up. And it's more like my head craves them then less of my back pain needing the pills. I need them too cope with my reality, Im overalls emotional as is. A Sagittarius if that gives insight into anything. My doctor is down too ween me off all pain killers, transfer me into cymbalta. And thinks suboxone would be a good choice. It sounds all fluffy and great, they say it makes you happy. And returns you into a state of normalcy. But that it's basically trading my current drugs of choice for another which I'll eventually have too ween off. And I've heard the withdraws suck too for that.my best friend who was way further into this drug habit thing,recreational as I have legit back pain and I'm trying NOT too abuse them. He said its hell, don't do suboxone, and I promoised I wouldn't. But can I please get some feedback? Ideas? Advice? Suggestions? I really want too be pill frees, they think I may have a mood disorder, I've taken lithium before. I'd like too rid all pain pills and focus on mood pills, going too therapy and for my backs issues take cymbalta, aquatic therapy and homopathic remediies. So anyone can you help me?

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Hi Kim,

I've been where you are and I've tried both Methadone & Subutex to try and prevent withdrawals from years of prescription pain meds abuse. I'm 36 years old but I look no older than 28, I'm 6 feet tall and have an athletic/muscular build and weigh 210. I've also played sports most of my life and until I faced withdrawal I considered myself tough as nails. The truth is I'm a GIANT wuss when it comes to withdrawal hence trying the Methadone & Suboxone. Your story hits home because I faced the same decision you're facing now; deal with the horrible opiate withdrawals or find a painless solution. What I've discovered, the hard way, is that there is NO painless solution. All I've accomplished is trading one bad habit for two worse ones. To make a long story short I had to go through a month of methadone withdrawal which was as if the devil himself took me on a personal tour of Dante's Inferno and all of the different levels of hell. Once I made it out the other side I promissed myself I would NEVER again take another opiate but I'm an addict and a year later I was addicted to opiates again. Last year I decide enough was enough and found a subutex Dr. where I live. I've been on Subs for the better part of a year and like most addicts I've become a master deceiver and manipulator. I'm an executive for a large global corporation and I have an almost endless supply of funds to fuel any habit. I've gotten so good at hiding my addiction that NO ONE in my life has any idea of what I've been though and what I'm currently experiencing. It's a lonely thing to go through on your own but I fear the reaction of my family, friends and girlfriend if they were to find out about this massive lie I've been living for years, can you imagine? So I quit Subutex three days ago after weening down from 32MG's to 0.5MG's 3 days ago and the withdrawals are nothing short of horrible, although not nearly as bad as the methadone. I have WEEKS of this ahead all why performing at a high level at a very demanding job, socializing with my family and pretending all is well with my squeaky clean girlfriend. My advice to you is to bite the bullet and face what you must without turning to something which will eventually take you to the same place if not worse than where you are now. Remember Kim; in life we ALWAYS have to pay, sometimes it's a little, mostly it's a lot and sometimes it's with everything you have. Please don't be the latter...I hope this helps a little, please keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. This is my only outlet for what I'm going through as it is for many others. If you care to read my whole story (sometimes it helps knowing that others are experiencing the same thing we are) click on the search button on this site and type: Subutex my story and mine will be the top result. Any way hope to hear from you soon and in any case Bon Chance!
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To Kim, Finally Done's advice is wonderful.  I was stupid and did not do enough research to know that taking suboxone to get off vicodin was only delaying the enevitable.  I was trying to avoid the pain of withdrawls and started suboxone last week and now everything I have found out about the withdraws from the subs, I am so scared.  I hope its not too late to start tapering down today and get right off this stuff.  I have been on 8 mgs, twice a day for 5 days today.  I didn't know enough about this, and being in the recovery community I have just never been educated on it and was told it was a great solution to get off Vicodin and avoid withdraws.   You are young Kim, please try a detox unit or hospital and detox under supervision, and do not fall for the advice that suboxone is the answer.  It may be for some, but without being fully educated and knowing who it is recommened to and not, do not try it without a doctor who has your best interest in mind and not to just get you hooked on it for years for the money.  I need a tapering down and off schedule immeditately, I do not want to get off opiates to be on another harmful medication....I hope we both find our answers before its too late!
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Hi Lynn,

I just read your post on my iPhone as I lay in bed on a gorgeous SoCal summer day. I should be out and enjoying my day off but instead I'm in a pair of sweats and a teeshirt trying to avoid contact with friends and family while I suffer through a self-imposed debilitating " illness. My head is screaming and my anxiety is nothing short of excruciating but I have no one to blame but myself. Ugh, everything hurts, including typing this message on a smooth Pyrex touchscreen. We're all on the same sinking ship so I feel a kindship to all of us who are suffering through a long battle with our demons. I don't want to give you the whole "I'm not a Dr. thing", so let me just say that your Doc placed you on entirely too much Sub for your DOC detox. I think many of us may be more well versed than our prescribing physicians when it comes to understanding our bodies and our addictions. My Dr. (who is a good and decent man) also prescribed me way too many Subs for my specific addiction. I was told to start taking up to three 8MG Subs per day to combat my addiction (most recent addixtion that is) to Norco. I was taking about 10-12 per day which is a lot but nowhere nearly as bad as some of the other folks on here who've been doing much stronger opiates, for a considerably longer time. I don't blame my Dr. however, I have a 135 IQ and was well aware that I could have taken a much lower daily dose if the effects I truly desired were to avoid the Norco withdrawals. In all actuality, based on my particular habit, I should have been taken no more than 4MG the fest day and quickly tapered to .5MG within a month. Them I should have taken .25 for a week, then .25 every couple of days for another week or two then nada! But, I manipulated myself and continued to take a high enough dose where I would feel some of the euphoric effects. Even though we're all on the same figurative sinking ship, each one of us must find our own way out. I can give you all of the advice in the world but when those first WD symptoms start hitting all of the good advice and intentions in the world will not equal one peaceful nights sleep or a day when you don't feel as though you want to crawl out of your own skin. I really hope you decide to start weening ASAP and make it as short of a process as possible. Will you hurt? Yes. Is it as bad as withdrawing from your original DOC? Depends. Are you going to die? No. Will you wish you had? Maybe. Based upon what you wrote I think you still have a window, albeit a rapidly closing one, where you could prevent the worst of the WD's if you make the decision to taper NOW. I apologize in advance if this message sounded a bit too harsh but I know where you are as an addict, and a human being. I don't wish what I'm going through on anyone, with the possible exception of terrorists. I hope you find your floating log and make it back to shore in one piece. Start swimming now while you still have tr energy...don't wait until the storm grows. Best of luck, hope to hear from you.
Warmest Regards,
-R
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Nice to hear from u..... I am going to take it into my own hands. I am just going to start tapering my next dose which is about now to 2mg. I have to work and also take a drug test for school on Monday so can't take anything beside subs which are prescribed. I am going to take 2mg tonight ..1 mg in morning and 1/2 tomarrow night and hope I can handle taking no more. My Vicodin withdraws are in control I imagine, can't really tell because i am on subs. But haven't had a Vicodin for 5 days. I start school on the 20th and need to be able to function not to mention needing to work. I hope I can stand it since its only been 5 days.... I just don't know what else to do....Thanks for your message, it could be worse you could be in Indiana, or Ohio or somewhere less glamorous than Cali...lol take care and thanks so much!
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Hi Lynne,

It's sounds like you've laid down a good tapering plan. Norco is Vicodin 10MG, so I know what you're going through. The good thing about fast-acting short half-life opiates like V is that it takes a relitavely short amount of time for the worst of the withdrawals to subside. From experience (sadly) the worst day is day 3 or 4 them things start to significantly get better although it's a short (again, relatively) HORRIBLE, painful, and agonizing 5-7 days. The problem with Subs, as I'm sure you already know, is the significantly long half-life of the drug which often means you'll feel fine until day 3 or 4 when it will hit you like a train although not as severe as V or anywhere near as bad as Methadone which is the devils tonic. You could be in mediocre withdrawal for up to 3 weeks for long term users 1 year +. Tapering also makes a HUGE difference. I feel you on the responsibilities, I have an extremely demanding job on top of family and relationship responsibilities. I can't really take any time off work and I have a wedding in Chicago from Aug 22-26 so you can imagine what a pain in the butt that's going to be when I'm feeling like c**p. I bought a ton of vitamins: Centrum, Omega-3, Potasium, Magnisium, B-6, and Fiber. I also have some Soma's, 50MG Tramodols, and a few 5/500 Vicodins in top of soups, vitamin water, shakes, and Atkins protein bars. I'm going to push myself to workout today even if it's just 10 or 15 minutes followed by a nice long, hot shower. One key priece of advice I'd like to pass on to you is the absoloute importance of excercise when you're ready to go Cold Turkey. Withdrawals are caused when all of your brains opiate receptors are empty. When someone takes a certain medication the brain generally stops manufacturing it's own variant of whatever chemical you're injecting. In this case the brain is receiving so much "pleasure" from the opiates that it stops producing seratonin and endorphins. When you quit taking your DOC opiate the brain & body start freaking out because it became used to having those synthetic "feel goods". It takes the brain a bit of time to start producing said chemicals again, this is the "re-wiring" I'm sure you've heard so much about. The lapse between the lack of synthetic opiates, empty opiate receptors and when your brain starts producing the rift chemicals is what withdrawal is all about. Another very important piece to all of this is when your brain starts freaking about not having the opiates it secreats MASSIVE amounts of adrenaline. This is where the major anxiety, RLS, and all around super uncomfortability come into play. Please keep me updated on your situation, I hope you the best in a speedy and painless (as much as possible any way) recovery. BTW: How nice is it going to be to feel NORMAL again? I almost forget what it's like except I do remember my sex drive goes into OVERLOAD, so that's something we can both look forward to! (-;
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lol Thank you so much for your insight. I will keep the sex in mind, it is nice to have something to look forward to...I am going to a meeting tonight to listen, even if I don't say anything people don't realize how much they will be giving me strength to get through this, I should of known there is no easy way out and just took the vicodin with drawl. I really didn't know much about subs, just heard it could hellp you detox. But Iam impulsive and just didn't want to hurt. No pain no gain!!! lol thanks so much everyone....I will let u all know if taper works being I have only been on it 5 days....
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Hey Lynne,

lol...my girlfriend is going to think I'm going bananas after I'm back to "normal"! Have a great meeting, I've never been to one, not really my thing (remember this has been my dirty little secret for some time) but I hope it works for you! Good luck and write tomorrow if you can with an update as to how things are coming. Have a great day!
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Yeah not mine either.....but it is for my ex husband and getting out and hanging around a couple meetings will remind me why i want to stay clean....also keeping busy and not sitting home obsessing over the fact the subs are already in me will help.....Also a secret for me, my ex is my only support and being in nursing school my other accaintances i dont want them to know anything about this. I will let u know how it goes....Hope all goes well for u too....Take care
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