All we seem to do is fight and I fear the end is nearning

I have been married for over 20 years and with my husband for 23, we can fight about if the sky is greyish blue or powder blue!!!! 8-| I always say to him "If I said right you would say left! etc. etc." Relationships ALWAYS come down to power struggles, arguments over sex, (or lack of), children and the biggest of all FINANCES! We ALL have dreams of what our lives and our lovers are going to be like! And when it or they don't turn out that way, we can become TOTALLY devestated by it! It's not easy being in love or a long term relationship, there are highs and lows, and constant trips into THE converstaions of "I'm DONE!!!!" I have asked for a divorce more times than I can count! I have fought with my husband and he doesn't even know we are fighting!!!! I think he doesn't GET me! And I KNOW I don't GET him!!! ;-) XD I have to say that there are MANY times I am pretty sure I don't love him! THEN he goes and trips and stubs his toe, and I think "Owe OK I DO!!!!" 8-| XD The way to think about it is like this, do the good times and the NON fighting out way the bad and the fighting!? Is there EVER a threat of violence or of total lack of respect or disregard for your wellbeing and visa versa? You AHVE to look at the big picture and put it like this "Can I get over him leaving the top off the toothpaste, because he makes me feel loved?" Or "is he SO mean to me and doesn't care etc. etc.!? That is what a relationship is ALL about! RESPECT, KINDNESS and TRUST!!! And sometimes AGGRAVATION!!!! ;-) And believe me honey you guys are NOT alone with all of this! I would say that you are in the minority IF you didn't argue!! Good luck and health and above all LOVE and respect!

Thank you SO much Bambi! I have to say it was a breath of fresh air reading your post :-D My biggest dilemma WAS that we fought so much but when I would think about what it'd be like if we broke up I knew for sure that it was exactly what I DON'T want to happen. I love him more than I thought I could love anyone and like you said, we have dreams of what we want life to be like but when it doesn't happen that way it's devastating. I think to me the only real devastation would come from us breaking up. The good aspects of our relationship outweigh the bickering by a long shot. I have more fun with him than I do with my girlfriends! We have the same personality which is both a blessing and a burden, we love to have fun together and joke BUT we are both very opinionated and stubborn.. but I won't admit that more than once to him, of course :-) We've had the "IM DONE!" arguments but we both know being "done" wont last haha. Thank you again so much for posting, I know that it will continue to be a struggle (that's more than worth it) but I think I will have to refer back to your post time and time again so I don't lose my mind!

we have been in a relationship since 6 years now. i am almost facing the same problem. we were so happily in love before and now all we do is fight, when one fight is over , another one comes up and it goes on and on . we both cannot live without each other but its so hard living  like this- fighting all the time. i miss all the happy days with my boyfriend. my only issue is he does not give me time. he is always busy with his studies and friends and family. i mean i can understand that but shouldnt he atleast make some efforts to talk to me or see me whenever he can. before we used to die to see each other and talked for hours but now we hardly talk and it kills me. i feel so unwanted. true i will be devastated without him but it doesnt feel like a relation at all. i see not efforts from his side its always me. and because of this we always fight. i open up my heart to him and he tells me nothing. am i not suppose to feel unimportant in his life then? i really want to stop this but the only frustrating this is we dont know what to do to stop all this fighting. we cant find any solution. we tried so many things still end up fighting again. i am so confused. is this the end? i love him too much to leave him. but what do do? :( or is it me? should i improve my understaning? afterall all i need is him!! sometimes the heart says - do hell with your understanding i just want you. and thats what makes us fight. he is the best i can ever meet but am i expecting too much? i just need to be felt loved ? is there anything wrong in that?  pls if you can help me with some inputs i would really love it. i dont know how to bring back our lost love  :(