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hey...ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now and i love him with with all my heart ..he's the only boyfriend ive ever had and i could definitely picture my future being with him,now the problem is that around a month or two ago he told me he was thinking about joining the military...ever since i could remember i told myself i wouldnt like to have the life of a military wife/girlfiend/relative or anything!!! i just hate it ...just cause of the fact that you gotta be far from each other for so long + is mad dangerous and you never know if youll see them again :-( ,i told him how i feel about it and its been causing a lot of arguments...almost daily, i also told him that is his life and if thats what he wants ,to go for it ...but i didnt wanna be part of it [eventhough ive always been cosidering the fact of just supporting him ..but i cant]...i wish i could be there for him and stay in the relationship even if he joins,now i dont think ill be able to let go just cause of the military and then ill be sacrifizing my whole life just because of my boyfriend and i think is selfish of him to just do what he wants no caring about how i feel %-) ...i dont know what to do anymore,i really dont want that life,but i love him more than anything in the world...i dont know what to do anymore :'(

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I know how you feel kind of me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 1/2 years and he wanted to join and i felt very strongly against it and he kind of got upset with me but i dont want to have to be in a relationship with a boy that i love so much and not even be able to be with him

Just try and let him know that youre not trying to be selfish that you really love him and dont think it would be good for you or for your realtionship all though it his life but if he loves you you are part of his life and he needs to relize that he will be hurting you if he goes

hope that helped a little
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It can be difficult when someone you love decides to join the military.

Your main concerns are the inherent danger and being away from him for an extended period.

You should consider the reasons he wants to join the military. Many people join it for a sense of purpose, self-sacrifice and duty to his/her country. He is likely feeling those kind of emotions and finds it difficult when you object to him joining.

There are many support groups for military families and couples that can help you during those deployments. Your not alone!

I think you should have a serious discussion with him. If he wants to serve for the country maybe he might consider joining the Navy or Airforce. All of the branches have a risk of danger. The amount of direct Naval and Air combat has decreased over the last 20 years. That's not to say that things could change.

In the end if you are not able to make this kind of commitment you should make it clear to your boyfriend so you both can part ways. Communication is essential during this period. You both don't want to leave or go into this without knowing what's on each others minds.
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ive told him how i feel about it and he says he understands...but i havent seen any changes on his decision and he's thinking about joining the marines actually,which ive heard is the most dangerous should i say? i dont know... :'(
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Well try really hard to think of it from his perspective. He is probably looking at the Corp as the solution to all of his problems. People gleen so much from the idea of joining the military. His expectations are high, his recruiters have been filling his head with the idea that the Marine Corp is made up of the best of the best.

If this is something he really wants to do you have to decide in your heart to support him or at least give your relationship the benefit of ending before he goes for training.
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i really try to see it from his perspective..but is really hard to do it though,like that was not even one of his dreams he just got that out of the blue...i just think he wants to do it because his brother joined and i guess that since he looks up to him so much he wants to do the same,thats why i think its a stupid decision + i could look at it from his persperctive but i think he could also look at it from mine,thats why im constantly getting mad.
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boys will be boys! they will more then likely do what they want to do !! and they want you to look at it from the way they see it but wont try to
look at it your way!! Dont try and understand idt we ever will!
If he doesnt bring it up about joining then try not to bring it up and myabe the whole situation will be forgoten.
If he is trying to be like his brother i can understand. But i also see what you are thinking. And if it is true he wants to Join the Marines it is more of just boot camp kind of my friend Jake went it may very well be the least dangerous for him they go thru some intense training!! Make sure he knows what to expect/what they are expecting. That stuff is tuff not just fun and games to be like your brother yah know! my bf still wants to go but for all the wrong reasons the recruter he talked to said they would give him thousands of dollars for going I hope he doesnt go!! and i hope everything works out for the best between you guys. i hate when i see people saying well maybe you should endit now for the sake of the relation ship.. they say it like it will be so easy thats hard you cant just do that.. if youre anything like me you try not to be selfish but you always sound like it .....like i dont want him to go but i want him to be happy its like why cant you just stay here and be happy with me? I just want him here with me.. where he belongs! I love him more then anything ever!! i know were both young but i know what i want i just wish he would relize he really doesnt want to go.. I know him wether he will admit it or not!


Well im rambling! Good luck!!
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yeah i know it always sounds like im the selfish one when all i really want is to be with my boyfriend...but most of the people dont get that...good thing that you do :-) well thanks a lot...that was kinda helpfull at least i dont feel like im the only one like that in the world.
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That's a good realization that he might be joining because his brother did. I think you should explore those feelings with him, if he is willing. It may be that he feels he lacks a purpose in life.

The military is an alternative lifestyle. I considered it for a brief period but I was all too quick to realize the reality of the situation. It seems like the answer to your problems because it promotes a stable lifestyle, income and purpose in life. In reality it is very difficult and often unrewarding. Without a college education you remain in the lower ranks of the military and spend your days at a guard post.

The responsibility of tactical planning and command decisions are left to the more educated or connected individuals. The military quickly becomes just another reflection of the situation you sought to avoid.

Arguing with him and getting upset on both sides is not going to change anything. You both will continue to see each other as stubborn and unmoving in their position. Ultimately that will drive you apart. You really have to get him to explain his true reasons. Since you have already showed your opposition it might be difficult to get this done.

Above all you have to stay calm. Reserve all your judgment and thoughts for a time after he has explained his reasoning.

This is a major decision and it seems like from your description he might just be "jumping into it."
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& just in case you guys wanted to know he's leaving to parris island in 2 weeks =| so yeah , he's leaving & theres nothing i could do about it at this point , i decided to suck it up & be strong , only god knows why things happen & im sure hoping everything works out for the both of us through this whole situation ..i think it made us realize how much we wanna be together , so we'll go through it hoping for the best.
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hey so you stayed with him? =( my boyfriend wants to do the same thing...and i feel the same way as you do....ive been with him fo 4 years my one and only boyfriend im 17 turning 18 in 2 months and he is 19. I feel so sad i love him with all of my heart and he just want to leave he says he want to be pushed know how far he can go and become a better person for me and himself. he said that when he feel like he cant anymore ill be the reason to keep going further. it breaks my heart to hear him say this. I dont want him to leave. but anything that I say or how much I show him that I truly love him is pointless =( he graduated and doesnt want to go to college here. he tried but its not what he wants. which makes me think that he doesnt truly love me because he could study here and be by my side. But I really think he is leaving. he already did some tests he had to get done. the only thing left is his departure which from what he has told me is happening in august =( I love him with all my heart and really dont know what to do. My best friend told him to let him go and for me to not be a wall that keeps him from doing what he wants. but its so hard to let him go...I love him and he is part of me...we saw each other grow....and me I had an illusion to spend my whole life with him. he told me that when he comes back if he comes back- which kills me that he will find me and luckily I would be alone....(I would be finished with my 4 yrs of college) can anybody plz give me some advice I really need it..he is really hurting me and im trying 2 be strong and try my hardest to not let it affect my life....but I love him with all of my heart I really do...I just want him by my side 4 ever....I keep telling myself that no matter what he will leave but my heart keeps beating with faith that he will stay with me :cry:
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hey so you stayed with him? =( my boyfriend wants to do the same thing...and i feel the same way as you do....ive been with him fo 4 years my one and only boyfriend im 17 turning 18 in 2 months and he is 19. I feel so sad i love him with all of my heart and he just want to leave he says he want to be pushed know how far he can go and become a better person for me and himself. he said that when he feel like he cant anymore ill be the reason to keep going further. it breaks my heart to hear him say this. I dont want him to leave. but anything that I say or how much I show him that I truly love him is pointless =( he graduated and doesnt want to go to college here. he tried but its not what he wants. which makes me think that he doesnt truly love me because he could study here and be by my side. But I really think he is leaving. he already did some tests he had to get done. the only thing left is his departure which from what he has told me is happening in august =( I love him with all my heart and really dont know what to do. My best friend told him to let him go and for me to not be a wall that keeps him from doing what he wants. but its so hard to let him go...I love him and he is part of me...we saw each other grow....and me I had an illusion to spend my whole life with him. he told me that when he comes back if he comes back- which kills me that he will find me and luckily I would be alone....(I would be finished with my 4 yrs of college) can anybody plz give me some advice I really need it..he is really hurting me and im trying 2 be strong and try my hardest to not let it affect my life....but thats quite impossible....=(
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he might want the money and schooling it does open up alot of possibilities
:-)
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I have the same issue my boyfriend and I broke up and we are on a break and he is hesitste to get back with me because he is thinking about the military and he says if he goes we can be really great friends but if he doesn't we can be back together. I wouldn't be able to handle it. He understands but I think is disappointed in me because I say he is the love of my life and if he goes I wouldn't be able to handle it. I just know I wouldn't. I told him that and that would be the end of us in a relationship but I don't want to lose him. Any idea on what to do we have been on this break a long time and its because of this now. I just can't move on from him I love him with all my heart I wouldn't be able to handle being in a relationship where he goes into the military if he ends up going. He said he would never abandon me about whatever ever happens to us. I just don't want to stop him and I want him to be happy on what he wants to do I just know I wouldn't be able to handle it.
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Yes I'm Singal do you friendships with me
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