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I am 23 years old, and 9 weeks pregnant. When my boyfriend (of 2.5 yrs) and I found out we were very excited. But then the fear sank in, for him. He has a 7 year old boy from a past long term relationship, and a 1 year old from a one-night stand shortly b4 we met. He doesn't want to have another baby he has to struggle to support, this baby though would be my first. We've been house hunting for about a month now, pretty much at the cusp of me finding out I was pregnant. We've had such a rough past year of our relationship and now everything seems to be looking up. I love his little boy so much (i've never met the 1 yr old, he's only met him once -- the mother of the 1 yr old left when she was about 3 months pregnant out of state, pretty much across the country, we only hear from her when the money runs low) Anyhow, he wants to terminate the baby. I know it kills him inside too, and he tells me he wants the opportunity to give his child stability -- and everything that a child deserves. He doesn't want to depend on welfare, or wic, or food stamps, or any other government assistance. We both have stable jobs, I'm still in school. But I can't say we are greatly financially stable ...but nothing outside the normal everyday bills everyone else faces and of course child support. Which I help out with as well. I understand where he's coming from, but I don't know how I can do it. I cry everyday at the thought of one morning, waking up and my baby is gone. MY BABY. I think of how, if i'm strong come July i'll see my baby's glowing smiling face ... I keep imagining a little one crawling and waddling across our house. He's very firm on where he stands, and I know he won't leave us if I choose the baby...but I just don't want any more turmoil in our relationship. Like I said, we've had quite a rough year.

 

To top it off, my parents don't like him (we're in an interracial relationship: I'm asian, he's black) and all the hope they've left now is that I'd at least finish school (which I know I still will!!!) but I have no idea how I can ever convince them of that, if i were to tell them I'm pregnant now. That is if they don't disown me off the rip. I feel like I'm fighting a one-man war. I love my baby, and my heart aches every day. I just don't know what choice is the right one, or if there is a right one. All i know is, I don't want to wake up one morning ...and it be the first day of the rest of my life where I'll live wedded to only regret and sorrow.

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Hi Amie,

There is another option you could consider.  Have the baby and place him/her up or adoption.

I will tell you, from first hand experience and also many posts on this forum, that many women do eventually regret having an abortion.  It may not be immediate.  Many men also have regrets.

Discuss this with your parents.  You will not be able to hide it forever.  Perhaps you can find out why, besides his race, they don't like your boyfriend.  

I will be honest with you and tell you that I have serious concerns about the longevity of this relationship, baby or no.

Good luck.

 

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you have a lot to think of .im going to tell you alittle about me i'm Mary.i'm 32 i'm married and im take care of my sister baby boy hes 2 my sister did and dose drug poped pills, drink and just dont care what she puts in her body and babys .he's #5 of 7. i got to take him home from the hospital. wow i loved it. i've had 4 misscages,2stillborns and one the died after 6 hours .she would have been 5mons. we try to adoption cost to much i would love to have a baby . sorry your going throw a hard time if you ever want to talk e-mai me a

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 thank you mary

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It sounds like your answer is fairly clear in how you speak about your baby and this pregnancy. You don't want to end it, though he does for financial reasons. To not know in your heart that this is the absolute right path for you would be a terrible thing. It is a permanent decision and one that I can see you are not taking lightly. It is wonderful that you are putting so much thought into it and reaching out to your resources. Still, it sounds like you have already made up your mind in that you don't want to terminate this pregnancy. Have you thought about adoption or keeping the baby in any sense other than that they are your only options besides abortion? How does your partner feel about adoption if he doesn't feel able to parent? 

I hope you are able to find a solution and keep us updated. I know talking to your parents would be difficult, but it is very likely that they will be a major support to you, no matter their initial reaction. I hope that you are able to do what you think is right, and not listen to outside pressures or feel so much fear that you yield to a choice you don't really want.

Rebecca

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Sounds like to me like he isn't the brightest of bulbs. He has already had two kids (I assume both by accident), and impregnated another girl...Sounds like he hasn't learned his lesson from this all. Adoption sounds like the best answer. I do not believe in abortion and many regret that choice. Also, I do not want to be paying for your mistake (though taxes I pay to the government, assuming you are in the U.S.). So, put it up for adoption, save a life and yourself the regret, and the government some money.

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I know that you realize it would not be easy on you to have this baby. Indeed, it would be a struggle that would last quite a while because once you have this child you then have to raise it. But life is a struggle and doing the right thing is not always easy. However, you have to live with yourself and I have found that it is easier to live with myself when I make the right choices, even when it's not the easy thing to do. Do what's right for you and the baby.
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I understand there are many individuals who depend on gvmt assistance when found in these situations however, I think it harsh that you would be so quick to assume that we would jump on that boat. We both work, and the sole reason I say financial is because we don't know what to expect having a child, me more so. We had little intention on getting any assistance from the gvmt, I pay taxes as well...just as you. So I'm speaking for all those who face financial hardships, because everyone is ...doesn't mean you're the only one working. Secondly, his first was from a 10 year relationship of which she had an affair from, his second is w/ a one nighstand which yes is an accident but he has yet to see the child once -- and the chick has left out of state. And we have been together for over 4 years, statistically, even with birth control -- consistent intercourse in a long term relationship can still result in pregancy.

I guess what I'm saying here is ...assumptions, can be hurtful.
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That's telling them young lady. Even if you did have to use government assistance for a while I wouldn't mind. While I realize there a many who abuse the system there are those who just need a little help in hard times.I believe you're going to put up a good fight and though you're facing unpleasant obstacles I think you're going to come out of it with your integrity intact. Good luck and God bless.
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Hi Amie,

How are you doing? Have you been able to talk to your partner about things? I hope he has been supportive of you and willing to talk about things.

Rebecca

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