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Hi there. I could use some insight. I dated a man for five months……the most deliriously happy months of my adult life. He said (and I believed him and agreed) that we were perfectly suited for each other and that we had a wonderful future. He loved me and told me that I was perfect and that every time he was with me, he felt as though he was in heaven. In a matter of a few days a couple of weeks ago, he went from adoring and doting to questioning the entire relationship and pulling back emotionally. He said that he was protecting himself. He went from calling or emailing me several times a day to distance. Four days after telling me that he was completely crazy for me and hated to be away from me, he broke up with me via instant messages. He has called once since then, but ended up telling me that he had fallen out of love with me and that he could probably pinpoint the moment it happened (though he said that I have done nothing wrong and that I am the sweetest person that he has ever met). His voice was different (zombie) and he didn’t go out of his way to make things easier for me.

He is very productive and successful and sleeps very little – he admits that he has severe difficulty with sleep and I am aware that he is on several medications for it. I noticed Depakote in his overnight bag along with six other drugs that I looked up and found they treated sleep and seizure issues. When I asked, he told me that they were all for sleep. He admitted to a suicide attempt five years ago and told me that he could take medication to level him, but he stated that he hates feeling numb. He had never admitted to bi polar, but since we broke up and in this very strange and cruel way, I have been struggling with this and I am wondering if all the signs were there and I opted not to see them.

He’s extremely intelligent and a very caring and empathetic prior to this recent experience. If he is manic, it is an impressive state for him – focused, productive, charming, talented, passionate, etc. He knows that I had been hurt previously by a bi polar husband and would choose not to deal with it again, so I wonder if he didn’t tell me, didn’t know, or knows, but is in denial.

Or……am I reading too much into this and ‘he’s just not that into’ me?

I am not looking for a mechanism to resume the relationship ~ from what he has said, that isn't an option. If he does end up showing up back in my life, I would like to be informed. In the meantime, I would simply like to have some comfort that this seemingly strange and completely insensitive behavior is something other than a severe character flaw that I opted not to see. I can deal with mental illness ~ I can't deal with intentional meanness. Anyone with insight (either with BPD or someone who loves someone with BPD or someone with a similar story) please post?


I have a follow up to the questions that I just asked.....and I really hope that those of you with more experience can help with these answers. When bi polars LOVE you like there is no tomorrow and then DON'T LOVE you anymore without any significant event......which one of these emotions is reality? I understand that no one really knows what goes on behind the bedroom door, but are the emotional and intense protests of love part of the mania (and therefore not real) or is the "I don't feel any love for you" part of the depression (and therefore not real)?


I came across your recent post when I too was looking online for some guidance in dealing with a man who sounds EXACTLY like your ex-boyfriend! I dont really even need to explain what my ex has done because he did EVERYTHING you have mentioned. We even talked about what we would name our future children... My thought now is "who does that and then falls "out of love" with you???"

I too, only want to understand because I have done nothing but wonder what did I do? I also found out only by my own investigation that he is bi-polar after seeing he takes depakote, lexapro, ambien and sometimes alprazolam. I am in the medical field and figured it out rather quickly.

I would love to chat with you more and see what you have been able to come up with because I still feel so in love with this man and yet so hurt!! I was ready to give up so much of my life to be with him.

Please feel free to email me and see if we cant help each other. My God, I even wonder if this is the SAME man.....


Ok ladies, first of all I'm sorry for what you are both going through. I'm going to tell you some of my story and maybe it will help to somewhat understand Bipolar and the men we love. My husband of 8 years, partner of 21 years, was just diagnosed with BP. Previously, he was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. Unfortunately, I had to learn about his illness through his "out of character" behavior.

In the 21 years we had been together, NEVER did he EVER break up with me or even say those words. Not to be arrogant, he has always been committed to me. About 6 weeks ago, he told me that he had to leave, he couldn't be with me anymore, he loves me to death but he can't be with me. I was SHOCKED!!! I had NEVER heard those words before. I will admit, things have not been good between us (I thought it was due to his Depressiona and not taking it seriously) but hey, we've had problems before and we always get through them. I asked him if there was someone else, he denied it twice but then ended up saying "there might be someone else I'm interested in" he went on to tell me about her. I was sooo hurt; but I sucked it up and decided that my husband no longer wanted to be with me and I needed to deal with it. I told him that I was hurt, I thanked him for telling me the truth and told him that he just lost not only his wife, but also his friend.

The next day, I went to work. My cell /work phones were blowing up with calls from my husband. I avoided all calls. I was done! I later found out that he wanted to tell me that he wants to make things work and can we go to marriage counseling. He even had the kids trying to convince me that we should go to marriage counseling. I WAS SO CONFUSED!! A day ago he was telling some other woman that he barely knew he loved her and now he wants marriage counseling with me? That's BIPOLAR!!!

That same day later in the afternoon, a neighbor called me to tell me me that my husband was stalking her neighbor. I was SHOCKED! So I put my investigator cap on and investigated the whole thing. . . I found out that my husband had been around this woman only a handful of times and he didn't even really KNOW her. My neighbor was freaked out and said he had been real weird and she didn't want him around anymore. She was scared. She said he's been really "off" the last couple of weeks. I went to my neighbors house and met this "other woman". The "other woman" told me that my husband professed his love to her, he told her that our marriage was over, it was dead, he told her that he wanted to move away with her, etc. (cRaZy stuff! I couldn't even wrap my head around it)
The "other woman" was scared. She had never been involved in something like this. She was just being nice to him, they had mutual friends, she had no romantic interest in him, she wasn't attracted to him, etc. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Oh I forgot to mention that exactly 4 weeks before this incident, my husband came to me crying his eyes out, begging me for marriage counseling, I agreed! I scheduled our first appointment. The day of, I sent him a text message as a reminder and his response was "I AM NOT GOING". I was confused at that point. I decided to go to the appointment by myself and have been going for about 10 weeks.

I use to think . . . How does someone cry to you, beg you for counseling, and then they back out on you . . . this is BiPolar!!

To make a long story short, I believe my husband had some type of a break down in February (his first manic episode?). After a stern voice and alot of soul searching, I offered to take him to the hospital, he allowed me to take him to the hospital, he was in a psych ward for 6 days. It was later discovered that he was "delusional" (BP with psychotic features) . . . he believed this woman was giving him signals (not true), he said when he told this woman he loved her, she said it back to him (not true). He truly believed that he had just "fallin in love with another woman".

He's been on Depakote ER for the last 2 1/2 weeks and I am seeing progress . . . he now says "I didn't love her, love is too strong of a word, I just wanted to be happy and I thought I could be happy with her". ~ at least he's being reasonable NOW! Hopefully things will continue to get better for him. I wish he had more "insight" into his illness but for now, I have enough insight for the both of us. Only time will tell if he ever truly connects with his illness.

I am sticking around to help him get stabilized. I feel like I know him the best and that I am the best person to help him through this. I am bound and determined to do this. My friends and family are wondering why I am NOT leaving skidmarks AWAY from this guy. I can't do it, it's just not me. I want him stabilized and able to live a healthy/ happy life with or without me. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is breaking me down, but I continue to stay strong and remind myself that I love this man and want what is best for him.