bOYFRIEND WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME. iS HE CHEATING?

CONT'D from my post below....I am not a controlling, b*itchy, nagging, snoopy wife at all. My hubby is free to do & go whatever & wherever, whenever he pleases. We are the best of friends, havent even fought or bickered about anything for years. We have the perfect marriage except we have absolutely NO intimacy whatsoever! No joke, no holding hands, no compliments, havent kissed swine our tongues lthaor even more than a quick peck for years either & we only do that when we leave & get back home so it feels very scheduled I guess u can say, it has really no meaning to it. I have been bringing the issue up about twice a year just to try to work on it or get to he bottom of it but he gets defensive & changes the subject very fast. He doesnt want to deal with it at all. From what I am feeling & understanding from going through this is that, he has fallen out of love with me, even though I know he loves me as a person/friend but he doesnt want to hurt me by letting me know, even though hes hurting me more by carrying on like this all these years. I also think hes comfortable with the life we have & doesnt want it to be disturbed, we just got a huge house with alot of land but have a $1400/mos payment & we both contribute to make it happen. 14 yrs together is a very long time, we where so young then, I was only 15!! So its been our entire adulthood & hes scared of the change but I know him, me & us better than anyone in this world & I just KNOW the flame went out here ago & he doesnt love me like that anymore. I brought it up tonight gently to try to talk & he got defensive & changed the subject again so I told him my theory above & he had nothing to say about it. I told him if it is true I just want to know so we can both move on cuz I love him with every part I my heart, more than he could ever imagine but I told him I want to see him happy & inlove again even with someone else but that he is hurting me more by shutting down & not being honest or helping me figure out whats going on between us. We are a Christian family & believe that when u marry someone u do everything in ur power to work things out & give it all u got before u part ways but I have & I will be 30 next year & have been doing this already 5+ yrs, I think its time to throw in the towel since ive done everything that I can do now its up to him. I think the last thing left for me to do & the only thing I havent done is to separate from him & move out for awhile, I think that will get his attention & he will have to face this, what do u think? Please give me some advice or input since ive tried it all except ending it. My family doesnt know about this cuz I dont think its their business & its not fair to him for me to tell them it especially stuff this personal cuz it might embarrass him or they could judge him & I dont want that. Thanks for reading this & thanks in advance for ur input & advice! P.S. sorry for any typos

I have been with my boyfriend for only one year. The first 5 months we were hot and heavy. He would kiss me no reason at all, tell me how beautiful i am, and we would have sex all the time. I dont no what happened but for he past 5 months we have sex maybe twice a month. And maybe once hell be into it and the other hell just lay on his back with a pillow over his face while i ride him. He says he's tired & stressed or im making him feel like he has to. But thats BS because i dont ask him for it. And he always asks me to perform oral on him and if i say no he gets upset and leaves. I tried something and invited another woman in our bedroom just to see if he'll be up tohave sex then. And no surprise he was. he kissed me and had sex with me like he use to but it took another female for him to do it. He says he loves me and no one can take my place yet he says new ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting** is new ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting**, yet he says hes not cheating. He's made it clear that if i sleep with someone that he will leave me, but if he does it i should understand. I'm confused because i love him and i dont want to sleep with another man i want to have sex with him like we used to. What should i do. I am so sexually frustrated. And when i give him oral it leaves me hornier than ever and he does noothing to show me that he even cares about how i feel or if i orgasm or nothing. He's too tired to make love to me yet he not too tired to get his oral sex. And its just the sex because other than that we talk , he hold me when were in bed, we laugh and play together, we go out together, and he calls me all the time just see what im doing, but our sex life just went kaputz!!! HELP!!!!! hes he playing games with me????

I have the same problems with my man. We have been together on and off for the last 6 years. We have a one year old together and recently got engaged. We hardly ever have sex... we've had sex 3 times this past month. Im 21 and he is 24...so you can't really blame it on age. I don't understand it though because when we do have sex he talks about how great it is! & I think it is still great also...so if it is so great, why does he not want me like he used to? This past week, I haven't tried to do anything with him....but I just can't take it anymore. We got in a huge argument earlier tonight so I'm not sure where we are headed but I love him and I just wish he would try. I would be happy if I could just get a kiss when he comes home from work...but I feel like I have to ask for that too...I just don't know what to do and I'm starting to get really depressed! :-( Can anyone please help me and give some good advice!?!

im having the same problem, me and my partner have two little boys, both amazing 6months and 3 yrs. we have been together for 5 years almost and at first sex was great, hes the only guy who ever made me feel ok about my body, over the last few years we have sex less and less, i have gained weight and im not pretty. sex was not good before i got pregnant and is even worse now, i found out that he would rather watch porn than have sex with me, i have found it accidentaly on his phone, i have confronted him about it and he said its cos hes tired and doesnt have the energy for sex after work, if this was the case surely he wouldnt have the enegry to have sex, i even sugguested that he let me do it for him when he feels like this and i got maybe, hes never even mentioned it since, i feel repulsive to him, so much so that even getting dressed infront of him makes me feel paniky and sick incase he looks at my body, he sayd hes still attracted to me, i just dont see how, maybe he is just here for our boys???

he went out one night and came home saying how sorry he was for making me feel this way and that he cant imagine how soul destroying it must be to feel like your partner doesnt want you and that he would make an effort and how much he loved me, ita all changed now he said part of him cant be bothered and part of him doesnt want to make an effort for me, idont know what to do, i love him so much.

do i really mean so little to him im not worth the effort, why is he with me?

i feel so worthless, alone and all i want is to feel close to him again, i miss everything that comes with sex, feeling close to him, feeling wanted. it was heart breaking when i found the porn, i dont understand why im not worth the effort if he loves me. i have tried to instigate sex or just foreplay, fooling around and he pushes my hand away, cant help but wonder if he wants someone else and just doesnt know how to tell me so.

i dont know how much more of this i can take, i feel so embarassed leaving the house now, i feel like people are looking at me thinking how repulsive and fat i am, its so embarassing.

i just want to know why im not good enough.

My boyfriend and I have only been together for under 2 years. We've had a lukewarm sex life after only the first 3-4 months. I've brought it up countless times, to no avail. He makes excuses, saying he's tired, stressed or out of shape. He even blames me, saying I want it all the time when I really dont. He jacks off at least every other day. I've even offered to watch porn with him to spice things up. But we havent been together all that long; should we really need to spice things up already? It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't think he's cheating, but why doesn't he want me? He says he does, but I go by his actions not his words...

-Sigh- I'm in the same boat. Except I'm a 19 year old lesbian. (Keep your smartass comments to yourself, please.) I always want sex. That's how I've always been. My girlfriend takes it as me being a sex addict. I'm like, really? Because the only girl I want to have sex with is you. Sex addicts have sex with everyone. You shouldn't deny the one you "love" your body. She says she wants me, but everytime I ask if she wants to do stuff, she always sounds annoyed and like it's a chore. She rolls her eyes and says no and that she doesn't want to, no matter what I do or say. About the most she's interested in doing is eating cereal and playing video games all day. And when she does stop to talk to me, I try kissing her. But that never lasts long because the kiss "gets too intimate" (I start using tongue and moan softly) so she wants to stop. And you don't even want to get me started on the hissy fits she throws when I try rubbing her down there to get her turned on. She yells No, and Stop while pushing my hand away. All I wanna do is get her really wet and eat her out and just feel her. But she won't let me have that. She's pushing me away, but I don't wanna cheat. Any suggestions on what I should do and/or why she's being this way? I mean, am I an ugly girl? Is she not attracted to me? Is she sexually disturbed or something? HELP.

Hi

Ah just found all your posts trying to find answers to my situation. My partner and I have been together for over 2 years now. We started of pretty normal. Not full on but ok. We had sex couple times a month which turned to once a month to one every 8 months to now being over a year and a half. During this time I asked him why and we had a huge fight. Apparently this has happened in the past and that girl left him. He couldn't tell me why he was like this.

Just to add to it all I found dirty messages on his phone to a girl. Turns out they were texting each other very dirty messages and she was a ex. They had slept together in the past...I also found naked pics of another girl. He owned up to the texting but said he just got emailed the pics.

I love him and until this have never questioned him before. Our relationship is perfect in every other way.
I want to feel wanted and not fat and ugly and like no guy would want me.

He did tell me he just isn't that into sex but there are other things you can do.  feel like I've compromised for him but he wont for me

I know how you feel I want throught the same thing. It suck soo bad. It makes you feel worthless and undesirable. I was in this relationship for 3 years and at first everything was great. So good I moved in. After I moved in the sex started to slow down then eventually stopped. Its been a year since I had sex. I recently found websites that he was going on and dirty towels all sticky. I love him with my heart and its hard but I think I am going to leave. I am honest to him I never cheated and he is doing this to me and I can't take it. I can't sleep, eat and my hair is starting to fall out. We had past disscusions about it but it has not stopped. If it don't I won't be here.

I know this was a long time ago, but this is really off the mark. Pornography should be an addition to, NOT a replacement for one's sex life. As a grown man HE should be the one coming forth with his desires and needs, not playing coy.

Sounds like intimacy issues. I have the same sh*t going on with my bf. Then I just got fed up and unintentionally just stopped pursuing the sex. He initiated one night and for the first time in our entire relationship I said no. It wasn't planned out ahead of time, but boy you should have seen the look on his face! He made comments about it for three days! I dont know if your girlfriend masturbates, but he was doing it to porn and it irritated me because I was in the damn house while he was doing it. I am really open to trying new things, threesomes, want to watch porn with him...its like ramming a brick wall. So the way I handle it is pretty much not reacting when he touches me at all and not being affectionate. He's starting to freak out lol

The exact same thing is happening to me and what Jenny has written has made me feel so much better, thankyou.

Now let me get this straight to all of you; as a man, i might just say that the only reason he's not having sex with you is because the passion is fading. Us guys don't like being trapped, or forced to do things. I will tell you this though; Just because he's masterbating doesn't mean he has stopped loving you.
He is most likely masterbating to find out how it feels to be with another woman; but not loving that women. This man probably has an intense love for you. But just because he doesnt feel passionate about having sex with you, doesn't mean he is cheating on you.

I have been through this. I am so in love with my husband of four years, but through out those four years has been hell. I have seen him probably 2 years total of the four years cuz he would run away and come home. I was taught unconditional love at the time.... so he did porn, ended up confessing, checked out females in front of me and even went as far as to try and facebook my sisters whom thank God love me and notified me asap. But it still killed me and my self confidence and it tore me apart. Everytime he left I would stay home and play good wifey, just praying and being good. I never went out. i just waited for him to come back and you know what??? he knew that? He knew I was HIS. He was sure I was always gonna be there fior him so that is why he took advantaghe of me. After I found out he tried facebooking my sister it killed me. For one because she has a reputation in the past with my first babies dad herself soo I was left confused and hurt. This time I picked up my broken heart and did what he would never think I would do to him. I went out andhad a great time. He started thinking he was gonna lose me to another man forever and that he wanted me for his wife again. He wanted to clean up his act anddo right. Ladies now I have the ball in my court. I am a very attractive woman who got lost in feeling sorry and insecure of myself. We need to keep our self confidence in front of our men. They see we are confident with them it drives em krayzie that they no longer can manipulate us or make us feel like sh*t in front of other woman. Thay see that we can and will leave them in a second. We wont because we love them but they dont have to know that! =) Trust me it does work, but eventually you need to start off with real communication it just needs the right shift in the right direction. If he pulls away from you then he just does not care anymore and is just in habit with you and needs to grow up and move on.

Actually, blood pressure pills can and often do affect a man's ability to perform. They're not just "water pills". My dad, and several friends, have this problem because of the medication they take. So he's probably not lying about that aspect, give the guy a break.

Your not alone I'm older doesnt get any better